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Birth Date: 2000-11-06
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She was literally arranging a date with another man, in your house. You have every right to be upset. Try this. Tell her your old trainee got ahold of you and wanted to take you out to dinner, alone. Wonder how she would react to that? Hopefully, she gets the connection and understands she was wrong.
If not, you need to ask her “do you wish to be a single person? Because married people don’t have dates with other people. You’re acting like you don’t care what I think or how I feel. That’s not something someone in a committed relationship does. If your desire is to be with other men, I will give you a divorce and we can walk away with no regrets. Otherwise, each of us need to respect the other’s boundaries and not put ourselves in a position where we hurt the other’s feelings.”
When someone tell you who they are, listen.
Check out u/Ebbie45 for help and resources getting out of abusive relationships.
Can't you just do this by drinking alcohol more? So you are working your liver more?
Is there some sort of service like adult protective services that can intervene? I know there may be requirements like age, but getting a social worker involved can help get some answers and improve her quality of life.