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Who cares if its official? You havent even met in person yet. Its going well, she wants to meet you, so relax
There are many smaller houses in TO. That's huge. You need to compromise dreams to reality,
Be careful. You are getting ready to enter a marriage that will entwine your financial and legal life with someone whose values are fundamentally different than yours.
Leave this nasty woman
Right?!
So he’s failed chance #2. How many more are you going to give him? And how much time will you waste doing that?
Find someone who actually wants to date you, not this sad sack of baggage you’re currently toting around.
So he could have easily saved money all this time because he makes a great salary but didn’t because he prefers to on-line in the moment. These are roughly your words here. I interpret this to mean that he’s not entirely responsible with money and that he isn’t a planner, not financially speaking anyway. But you are.
So, what about him leads you to believe that he will be able or willing to be frugal for a while and pay back the loan? What leads you to believe that he will change after you two are married?
How would the mechanics of your finances and the repayment of the loan work? Would you share an account? Keep separate ones? Who would track how much is paid to his brother and when? How much does he expect you to contribute toward the repayment of the loan? How much are you contributing from the get-go? And when would his brother expect to have it repaid by?
You were led to believe that he had his own money in savings. But it wasn’t exactly his money, he’s not the one who saved it, right? I’m guessing it was inherited? Has he had free access to it all these years or can he only get to it with his brother’s permission?
Full stop, think about who your fiancé is, not who you were lead to believe he was or who you hoped he was. You are about to combine your financial futures which will include debt, loans, savings, and trust. If you add kids to this then your dependence on him could drastically increase. And what are your retirement plans? How many years do the two of you plan to work and when do you hope to retire?
Yes, it’s a lot to consider and discuss with him. Remember, you are engaged to a guy who “lives in the moment”. So you’ll need to decide whether you are willing to take control of your financial future for the two of you, hit the pause button and reconsider going forward, or wing it and hope he changes.
Have the hard talk and either make a plan you can online with or back out of this.
Even if you were cheating and it was another woman, and I hate cheaters with a passion, she still would be committing assault
She could have killed you, or the other person, I’d the lamp had hit on the head, or the glass had sprayed further
She doesn’t get to just pass blame
You give her a choice:
Therapy or become Co-parents
You cannot allow this to just slide
She physically assaulted you with a lamp. I know a lot of people have this idea that you can just beat up your cheating partner or the person they are cheating with
But you can’t
You especially can’t with a lamp
Exactly! In other words he's gaslighting you! He pays absolutely nothing towards where he is staying or the utilities he uses and yet he feels he can argue with you about shopping! Is he for real! All he has to do it buy food and he wants to fight and gaslight you! This sounds very toxic and you need to see that! Personally he would be my ex if a man pulled this stunt on me! Freeloading hobosexual!
Someone who loves you doesn‘t cheat on you.
It's hard to break out of the relationship patterns that have been modelled to you, and anything normal and stable may feel alien and wrong. So people slide back into what feels natural, sadly.
Sorry, you’re in another abusive relationship.
You’re not backing anyone into a corner by putting up a straight wall. You are basically saying “to me this is wrong and that’s that.” She is not stuck without options. She can either respect that (and you) or not.
That's an intense way to confess your feelings.
A conversation would have been a lot less pressure on her.
Friends don't have secrets. And we are all friends here…… what's this laundry booster you speak of?
He could have been or he could have been out drinking. Neither option is good.
I am glad he's now your ex though. He doesn't sound like he was a good partner. Now you have learned some sketchy behaviors to be wary of in the future. I hope you find yourself someone who you can trust fully and treats you well.
Yea I don't know. Trying to work on ourselves. We are both in therapy and he is aware of his issues. I am happy to see he is at least working on them. He's great except for this side of him. I want to make it work cuz I love him. But like…I give it a year and if it doesn't improve then I'm out.
Not any good ones.
He's not caring, he is actively trying to stop you from being happy.
He doesn't get to “let” you do anything!
He's not your boss, he doesn't get to make these decisions for you.
The guy sounds fucking toxic.