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You should do it too
Your idealizing a woman you met when you were 13?? The relationship you had with this other woman wasn't a real relationship. It was some weird Romeo and Juliette situation. The back and forth is what hooked you. It was the uncertainty that made if feel kind if like an exception. It's not real love.
What you are doing is not fair to your wife. You're married. You made vows. Honor them. Real love takes work. Your sabotaging your marraige and in the end you will regret it. I think you need to grow up a lot.
They also want to lower your self-esteem and make you think that they are the only person willing to put up with you.