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I would ask her out, but make it clear that you value her friendship, and if she isn't interested or not there yet it's totally fine to. That you will still be there for her regardless, and she is a important part of your life. Good luck going forward.
My favorite hobby is talking to people on Facebook or by email
You were absolutely correct when you said your problems need fixed before you advance to marriage/home purchase, etc.
As someone who was guilted into proposing to 2 different women, DO NOT under any circumstances propose until you are 101% sure it is what you want and it will work out.
Again be well
I think the situation is different because you have a church background. In other situations the porn usage is addictive, over used, or something else that causes an insecurity for your partner. In this case, you two entered into, as you’d described elsewhere, a sacred relationship. I feel like porn usage here is outside the bounds of what she would have expected.
That being said, my answer would largely be the same, difference being I would say to tone down porn usage and address the insecurity. Here it makes more sense to stop it, which would also fix the insecurities issue.
In response to “I don't know what to do or who to talk to” 1) eat less, move more 2) talk to a nutritionist and a therapist
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My thought, as a random stranger on the internet, is that she might have trauma around food poverty and is trying to deal with that.
This was my first thought after I read OP comment about the food hoarding.
My friend, he doesn’t want a serious relationship. I mean, 6 years and no major upward movement in terms of seriousness and longevity? I think y’all are on two different pages and honestly if I were you I wouldn’t care to stick around and see if he can catch up, nor would I want to compromise and meet in the middle. 6 years is a long time, don’t waste anymore on someone who doesn’t share your life goals.
You say: “seemingly no reason”, but you then go on to say:
you are irritated by him communication issues no sex no attraction to him nothing in common feels platonic
You have more reasons that most people that come on here. You should break up with him.
“I never want to hurt him” is not a valid reason to stay with him, in fact you are hurting both you and him by staying with him, you are setting both of you up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
Only reason I see DNA testing not being an option is because you cheated and have your own doubts
He missed the part where it was over a decade ago in the wake of them burying one of their children. I don’t condone cheating but come the fuck on, clearly inspired by grief
Uh I’m still having issues getting by him doing this before, which cause a man to show up to your house (where 3 kids live!) and threaten to use a gun on your husband.
I’m a woman and I had no idea either. I knew it would be naked, but “hard” has a new standard for me now. I don’t think there’s a way to explain how hot it is, you have to experience it. And then somehow we also seem to forget after the first child and then we have another one and it’s like “holy shit, how is it this nude?” There’s really nothing similar enough to having a newborn for people to have any concept of the pressure, sleep deprivation, stress, doubt, etc.
This made me pretty uncomfortable to read as a guy.
I can understand the curiosity and horniness of a teenage boy because I used to be one but I would have never done this to one of my platonic friends out of nowhere.
This dude needs to know that what he did is not okay. He violated your friendship, your trust, your body, and your other friends that were present. He needs to decide if he is going to learn from this and get really good at asking for consent or decide if he is going to seek sexual gratification from his sleeping friends.
I would take a break from this friendship because he clearly doesn't value your safety or feelings with his actions.
Things you can say here, especially if people try to minimize or gaslight you:
“He needs to learn about consent” “He touched my body while I slept” “His actions need to demonstrate respect”
“I am not a fleshlight or a porn object to be jerked off onto”
“I DECIDE who touches me and when and how they do it, no one else”
Sorry this happened to you. I consider myself pretty resilient but I would feel hurt by this if I were in your shoes.
Oh no! You couldn't have sex for 18 months??? You're such a strong man, we should all praise you for not cheating on her.
Seriously, weigh the costs here. She denied her man sex for 18 months, when she could have just sacrificed even more of her physical and emotional health to let you use her as a sex doll. How cruel of her, for not sacrificing her health so you didn't have to do the work of jerking yourself off once in a while. I mean, 18 months? What is that, like 86% of the 15 fucking years you've spent together?
God the horror. The absolute fucking horror.
Oh no! You couldn't have sex for 18 months??? You're such a strong man, we should all praise you for not cheating on her.
Seriously, weigh the costs here. She denied her man sex for 18 months, when she could have just sacrificed even more of her physical and emotional health to let you use her as a sex doll. How cruel of her, for not sacrificing her health so you didn't have to do the work of jerking yourself off once in a while. I mean, 18 months? What is that, like 86% of the 15 fucking years you've spent together?
God the horror. The absolute fucking horror.
Oh no! You couldn't have sex for 18 months??? You're such a strong man, we should all praise you for not cheating on her.
Seriously, weigh the costs here. She denied her man sex for 18 months, when she could have just sacrificed even more of her physical and emotional health to let you use her as a sex doll. How cruel of her, for not sacrificing her health so you didn't have to do the work of jerking yourself off once in a while. I mean, 18 months? What is that, like 86% of the 15 fucking years you've spent together?
God the horror. The absolute fucking horror.
Depends on why her family hates you. If she's still pursuing education but has history of being easily distracted by social things then you can kind of see their point. But that would also mean that once she competes her program you'd be free to date her. However, if their argument for why they don't want their adult daughter to date is based on some other thing it may not be worth your effort to try to stay with her. Maybe try to find out what their objections are before you make this decision.
Depends on why her family hates you. If she's still pursuing education but has history of being easily distracted by social things then you can kind of see their point. But that would also mean that once she competes her program you'd be free to date her. However, if their argument for why they don't want their adult daughter to date is based on some other thing it may not be worth your effort to try to stay with her. Maybe try to find out what their objections are before you make this decision.
And single dads. Learning my lesson right now.
Well they're adults and I figure I can't tell em what to do. Hopefully they knock it off then.
If someone is behaving in “relationship mode” with someone outside of the relationship it generally means there’s a relationship there. Talking about her a lot is a tactic to establish that “there’s nothing to worry about” even though there is a 90% chance that there is.
Your bf is clownshoes. Funny thing is, I deployed with a few guys who got ripped on roids and within 2 months of being stateside and clean they returned to normal muscle mass.
He will not stop.
That’s not the consolation you think it is. At the end of the day, no matter how loving and accepting they are of her, she knows they are his family. If they break up, even if it’s because he treats her terribly, they will choose him over her. She is only ever borrowing that family. And loaned loved-ones can’t fill that hole of wondering if you’re not worthy of love in your own right. For people who’ve never had to question that, I think this can be naked to understand.
Listen to your lawyer, get a second opinion from another lawyer if you want.
your friends are right the minute he attacked your senior dog ..the dog should have been gone..and if your husband was a true dog lover he would have agreed…three options…1 the dog goes …2 husband and dog go 3…baby ..your dog and you go…you would be an irresponsible parent and dog owner if one of these don’t happen soon
I haven’t told him. I really want to, but I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
Everything I read advises caution when telling a friend about how you feel, even though every cell In my body is telling me to do so.
We used to have this sexual tension. I’m not sure whether I was mistaken or mistook his friendliness as something else. But now that I’m on the receiving end of ghosting this week (taking over 2 days to reply double tick or respond), I feel devastated.
We work together and cross paths often, and the awkwardness this week is killing me.
Had he been eating asparagus? That will increase the smell of urine.
She isnt rn but she has and she wants to again
Im just giving her the space she wants now. How do i know its an episode too if it was over text?
Age gap relationships often struggle because people are ready for/want different things at different stages in their life. Only you & he know if that's your situation or not?
e.g If he has an ex an 3 young kids and doesn't want any more and you plan on starting a family by 28 you would have a problem.
If you are still studying and plan to move for work and he's tied to the area for his business or family AGAIN a problem.
Age is just a number for most people ( unless the person is deliberately seeking a young partner to manipulate or abuse someone less mature or powerfull).
Give it a chance, but don't waste too much time on him if it turns out you are not on the same page or if he expects you to give up your ambitions/long term plans for him.
My man! You are 20 years old now so it is high time you learned the truth. Never be a friend with your ex, UNLESS children are involved. And even then she is not your friend but a co-parent.
In general men and women make poor friends due to the fact the usually one or the other have feelings involved, which lead to jealousy.
So simply, wish her good luck in her life, cur her off (block if needed) and enjoy your life to the fullest potential!
Confront her, or both , in person. Don’t be mean about it, be soft and feminine and guilt trip them into telling you the truth. Then back out graciously and divorce and then he will be obsessed with you. If you don’t want to divorce him then completely ignore it all, and even ignore him some until he misses your attention. Right now your the crazy harsh wife digging thru the trash and she’s the sweet escape- flip the rolls and also find you a side piece.
You are allowing yourself to be his lifeline. You are pushing him, but that only goes so far. There are no real life motivators for him to get a job. He doesn’t seem to think it’s affecting your relationship, which you need to communicate with him. He also doesn’t see the need to rush to get a job because he has no responsibility to expenses. He lives with you and needs the same heat, very hot water, and electricity you do. None of his way of life is at risk of changing because he has been falling back on you and your income to keep things status quo.
I am a nurse. If someone was freeloading off me while I bust my ass I would not have any patience and they would be broken to their core. Explain to him you will not push him anymore but that you have expectations and if they are not met then no only will be no longer life with you but you will no longer be together. Explain to him it’s not an ultimatum. It’s a decision. He has to decide if he wants to actually put in the work to get a job, and right now he’s deciding to half-ass it. There are no consequences for his actions.
If he is not suffering from a clinical depression (diagnosed by an actual mental health professional and not WebMD), he needs to get off his ass and prove to you he’s at least putting in a legitimate effort to find a job. I’m the meantime, there are plenty of jobs that don’t require a degree that he can do toget out of the house and draw in some sort of income, even if it’s minimal.
Why does she want to try being celibate?
Honestly my first thought, based on other stories I’ve seen on reddit, is that she has cheated and is wanting time without having sex with you to take a course of treatment for an STI.
Please, do not listen to hom when he starts love bombing you after you leave. Most likely he will be telling you it was “just a joke”, that “you misunserstood” because “hecwould never hurt you”. Don’t listen such BS. He has already showed you his true colors.
What compromises have you suggested here?
If he did he probably won't have kids with her….
I realize how this seems self-centered. My question I suppose is that I cannot be an emotional back up for her while she wants to be in an open physical relationship with other men. She told me she wants to keep that option open stating “it's just sex”. So you cannot tell me you have feelings for me and want to take things slow and also be just doing that. This isn't about commitment per se but more about am I reading the situation correctly.