My (27F) husband (28M) says I’m not respectful and a bad wife because I went to work when he told me not to. He says disobeying him shows that I don’t love him. How do I explain to him that this behavior is stressing me out without him getting angry at me?

We’ve been married for 5 years and there have been times I felt suffocated by him that I wanted to run away. I told him how I felt and he proceeded to ignore me for a month without talking or even acknowledging me. He keeps bursting out in anger every time and keeps saying I’m disobedient and I should “try harder” or become a proper wife.

When we got married I was in Uni, he did the same thing back then as well that he would say don’t go today stay home, and eventually I couldn’t catch up on studies because of this. When I failed my degree he said I was just not cut out for it and said it’s stupid of me to say that he had anything to do with it. I know it’s not his fault but it didn’t help that he didn’t let me go to classes when he felt like I should be with him.

Last night we had this huge fight over me not listening to him and having a “whorish” attitude although I barely go out and I went to work not some club. I just don’t understand, where the man is who used to love me. He says this is love but if this is love I don’t really think I want it.

During these 5 years I lost contact to all my friends and family because he either didn’t like them or he just didn’t think we should visit them as often. I have no one else other than him now. So I don’t understand how he can still say I’m not a good wife? I do everything he tells me to and the household chores he doesn’t seem to consider a big deal and yet I am a bad wife because I went to work one day without his permission.

How can I make him understand that he is hurting me with this kind of behavior?