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Something to do with his birth parents being abusive when he was a baby which i totally understand and is why i have held off getting anything significant that could trigger him
So you need to fully stand up for yourself and stop tolerating this behavior. Do that and if he doesn't come around, don't get married and move on with your life.
First, I think the person who works less/from home can do slightly more chores. A perfect example is doing dinner prep/cooking because you don't have to commute home so it makes sense you can manage the cooking. However, that is a “mostly” thing because you will have late meetings/days you don't feel like cooking. And it also depends on work hours (if he commutes by you work later, then obviously this doesn't make sense). So no, you do not need to keep the house 100% spotless and cook dinner every night just because you work from home.
Second, the way he treats you is atrocious. HE has decided that you should do all this, he gets annoyed and abusive when you don't do thinks to HIS liking, HE is embarrassing you in front of others. He doesn't get to decide how the home should run or what you are supposed to be doing, it is a joint conversation, and even then, it isn't that way 100% of the time (ie, you two agree that you will cook dinner, it doesn't mean he can get angry when you have a late meeting or order pizza once in awhile).
So now, if you even want to stay with this guy- not sure why- time to sit down and talk. It isn't a discussion, it is you setting some boundaries. Be very clear with him- you do not get to order me around, nor do you get to decide that I should be doing all these chores. Here are the chores/responsibilities I am willing to do (cook most nights, laundry, whatever but be very explicit). What I am not willing to do is keep the home 100% spotless at all times, pick up the messes you make on a daily basis, or cook 100% of the time. On top of that, when small things don't get done- you leave a load of laundry in the dryer, you leave your some opened mail on the coffee table- him being rude or annoyed isn't going to fly. A home is meant to be lived in, and you will not be treated like a child when you use your home and leave signs of life around. Furthermore, if his attitude in general doesn't change, you will stop doing X,Y,Z.
And that brings me to the last point. If he continues to get annoyed or push his own expectations on you, stop being a shared household. Do your own laundry only, cook for yourself only, clean up only your messes. Let him see what the house and his life looks like without you doing stuff FOR HIM. And if you get to this point, do you even want to marry this guy?
People can act like this for all sorts of reasons, and so what I wrote here is a way to see if you two can come back from this. You set boundaries, you are clear on expectations, you address the feelings behind the issue, and then you move forward. If he doesn't get it, you get out.
Lol when someone says dumb shit like this then all I say is “why don’t you “ or “don’t let me hold you back “ then I end the relationship . Each time it’s been worth it.
Idk why people think they can just insult others and nothing happens, you not ending the relationship is telling him just that and it’s okay.
do you have an idea why he can't get permanent job for the last 1.5 years?
Expressing your disgust to him won't make any difference. He literally groomed a 15 year old, nothing you say about this will make a difference to him. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this level of creepery from your own dad. Have a friend go with you to get the bike. If you end up having to see the poor new one maybe drop a line like ” wow I'm surprised he went for someone old enough to consent for once”. Or you can have the friend be a human buffer system.
I'd definitely go no contact after getting your bike back. He should be in a cell for what he did to Mary and I can only imagine the shit he put you through too.
You don’t.
They have made their point clear. And unfortunately you are making your point clear, but not to them to your partner, and you have a decision to make, and a whole lot of apologies to make,
So decision – you need to completely cut your family out of your life. Ghosting is preferable, but if you want, send them a message telling them their actions have proven that they do not care about you, and as such you no longer have a family.
Apologies – you grovel profusely to your partner for not taking the above step earlier.
He seems unable to accept that he is at least somewhat gay. He probably is afraid of the social consequences, and has some internalized homophobia. My gay daughter went through an awful gay hating neo Nazi stage for a few months when she was first trying to accept the fact that she was gay, because most of the Deep South assholes around her hated gays.
I'm leaning towards manipulation if he doesn't act like this around his friends and family. For me at least that's the determining factor. I feel like if he gets it to the point they will never go and do anything if he gets “injured” prior, then she will try to pick up all the work so he doesn't get hurt.
Personally I feel like this is a lot for her to deal with at this young of an age. Poor girl sounds like she's on the road to caregiver burnout.
He’s not verbally abusive. I think he was just frustrated and wanted to say something shocking and upsetting to redirect the conversation. Outside of our relationship, he is the sweetest, kindest man alive. The bad was only a product of him being with me.
And we did break up. We still had big issues after all of this, and I couldn’t let him stay with someone who cheated on him, so I broke it off.
While your brother’s relationship/lifestyle may not be normal to you, it’s not necessarily weird or wrong. It’s just different than what you’re used to.
Reading your post, it doesn’t even sound like you have any specific concerns or questions. Your feelings are natural, given this is all very unknown and unfamiliar to you and now that you’re visiting you’re not sure what to feel or think or how to act. That’s fine. All you have to do is be polite, kind and follow their lead.
For many people in this world, poly relationships are completely normal, understood and comfortable. Now that this type of relationship is getting more attention and becoming more mainstream, people feel comfortable being open about being in one. So while it may seem foreign to you, you also might consider that it’s wonderful your brother feels safe enough to invite you and your family into his nontraditional lifestyle, rather than masking/playing that he is living more traditionally and lying to you. That’s a vote of confidence in you on your brothers part. Don’t let him down by reacting negatively or making him feel as though you believe he’s just unhappy and hiding it. If he says he’s happy, take him at his word and respect his choices.
I would’ve broken up with him after I found out he was using chatgpt lmfao
Yup it is possible that once you were hanging out again it just was awkward and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Ok.. its all perspective. Ours was built in the 60s.
That’s not what I’m talking about. You are undermining the choice of the other ADULT “kids” who are more than fine with the situation and arrangement. What does putting his foot down mean? He gets to be excluded from a trip he has gone on for a long time and miss seeing people he has seen for years upon years annually because you are upset that you were not there.
What do you truly gain from that? Nothing. You get to have that week of his and he loses. Does it make you more of a priority because the other 51 weeks a year aren’t quite enough? Does it somehow make your relationship stronger or more legitimate? Again, what is the symbolism of THIS trip?
mostly bad days.
Get out, the good should outweigh the bad.
Thanks a lot for the help! It's ok to mention his age, I just didn't want people to give any negative comments about our age difference as it's not the main subject. Unfortunately we can't be together on his birthday due to different work schedules but I guess it's better this way. I'm just going to send him a nice text without mentioning his birthday. Thanks for your input, I'm definitely going to make some bomb meal though 🙂
redivide the chores. he should be doing chores that are needed for his comfort (like his laundry & meals). you can pick other things that are most needed for your comfort
if you're determined to give him another chance, give him one chance not another 5 years of chances. if there's no consequences it will go in one ear and out the other
Run dude .
Yeah, that was rape.
I am a guy and you made it clear that it was a NO.
For my case specifically, I’m constantly trying to communicate myself to someone I feel doesn’t want to listen. There have been situations in the past where I did somewhat “want them to read my mind” and know what to do but growing up I’ve learned that isn’t how things work.
For example, on a call today I was asking about where he wanted to go to shop and he readily met me with annoyance over the fact that I would even ask. I assumed he was having a bad day or misheard something i had said, but I was a little shocked by how rude he came off over me asking a simple question. Recently I had told him how anxious I get when I feel I’ve done something wrong and don’t know what i exactly has done. I guess my thought process is, “if he wanted to (be nice to me), he would” but I could be completely wrong.
After the explanation for why this occurred, I don’t see an issue.
Dude. You are her sugar daddy.
grapefruit technique
It probably won’t, maybe the best I can hope for is to see them more clearly by being further away from the situation.
Asexuality and aromanticism is about attraction, only she can answer these questions though, since you might expierence things differently then her.