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Lawyer, first and foremost. Don't even let the mom see her casually or talk on the phone. Your number one priority is the well being of that little girl.
I would also talk to a social worker/family therapist for more support and make sure the school is aware of the situation (they don't need nitty gritty details but just the fact that bio mom is in town and you don't know if she may try to connect with the child at school).
I'm sorry you're going through this.
My husband and I have been separated for 7 months and I honestly doubt we'll get back together. I've been the one doing most of the changes and growth, but he's still set in his old ways and is upset that I'm not putting up with crap anymore.
I am still a work in progress and will be for some time. (Is the work ever really done?)
Our kids are going over to their dad's this weekend for the first time because I also need space and time to rest. Before, he'd come over and spend the night to “get up with the kids”, but I'm the light-sleeper and early-waker and it's just not feasible anymore. I don't believe he will put in the work needed to save our marriage; he's too much in denial about what he has and hasn't done (and refuses to take responsibility and be accountable for his part).
So, what are my choices? I'm 36, I've waited/wasted the last few years holding out for change… and I just don't see anything changing. I want to be in a relationship with someone that will actively love me and work towards solutions instead of comparing, complaining, and remaining unaware of the self.
Get your own space, keep tending to yourself (great job btw on your journey), and hopefully after some time, you'll be able to be friends or at least civil co-parents. Our kids are 3 and 5 and doing well with the separation.
So, more power to you and remember, we're not supposed to be this unhappy in relationships.
Best.
It was true..I felt as if I was under pressure, I didn’t want to have sex with him.
I could have written this. I am also a strong personality, independent feminist, love a good argument or debate, opinionated to a fault, the whole deal. Settled into a relationship where he had all the power—product, in hindsight, of some depression making me feel like I couldn’t do better—and ultimately did the same thing you did, improved myself in every way. He was PISSED. Turned emotionally and verbally abusive, hitting stuff frequently, gaslighting, abusing alcohol, silent treatments, the whole fun shebang. He was threatened and felt like he wasn’t doing as well in life, a common theme with a lot of men in my life, as I passed them by achieving my goals.
Trust me: he’s probably nice, he probably “took good care of you,” etc. You might feel bad. You might think he’ll change. Until he changes HIMSELF though—by setting and reaching goals for himself, not by changing how he treats you—he won’t stop mistreating you. Leave and find a man who celebrates you and your achievements and your milestones and positive changes instead. They’re harder to find, but fuck is it awesome.
Has she been in other long term relationships before yours?
Not a conversation – you sit her down, tell her that you have seen the messages and you want to know the truth of their relationship.
Tell her that the relationship hangs on her being honest, and that if you feel that she is not honest, or omits anything then the relationship is over.
At the very least, your engagement is on hold indefinitely until she rebuilds the trust her actions have damaged. Worse case once you hear the honest truth from her you kick her cheating arse out.
If your relationship continues – no further contact with that person, if that means she has to find another job, so be it. That is a consequence of her actions. And a firm boundary that any communication that could be presumed to be cheating by either of you is instant end of relationship.
did you even read? she said she was falling in love and got scared lol, it's not like i'm simping over someone that told me they weren't interested. not even gonna bother replying to you. have a good night
You live in a dangerous position and i would ask my self if i don't get used. She constantly raises her networth woth her income and you work to support her and to just live!. She can decide to end it and you stand before nothing. Not even the child you do so much for is yours, so you have no rights for.
You need to make drastic changes. or maybe really move out.
To think that it would be cheaper for you to live! in a big apartment alone then live rent free there – while there is another person with income. This is just so wrong.
I think my brother took a very wrong turn.
So are some of these comments
Not to mention if you're getting a bit funky down there, he could be cheating. When you've sex with someone else who has multiple partners and poor hygiene – well, it will throw your balance off.
How do you figure that I can't set healthy boundaries by the few comments i have made?
I have indeed set boundaries with my ex. I've always put my partner first in times where there was a conflict. I consider losing a child an exceptional experience where kindness and support is necessary. It's not forever and it's not all encompassing. During the past 6 months I've had an engagement party, been overseas on a holiday with my partner and moved to his city to be with him (away from ex).
I don’t really care what it is, and I’m pretty sure OP doesn’t either.
Depending on how you feel about her, The trust now has a crack in it. Over time it will repair or break open.
Its been 8 months and she still is processing it. This says she may have doubts in your relationship and may be keeping him on hold to see how this plays out. Most relationships, if a friend oversteps the boundaries, they should cut them off as its very likely this is not the first time and will not be the last.
From here you can give her the time to process it or you can turn it around and let her know you will need time to reevaluate where she stands with you.
Go back to the level of friendship you had before. Also, if you LOVE love him, you should probably cut ties to protect yourself. Being gay in your early 20s is complicated. Being in love with a closeted person in their early 20s is… complicateder.
I’d stay away from this whole thing. But then again, I’m in my 40s and I never stayed away from complicated when I was younger.
Get out while you still can and thank what ever you believe in there was no kids. Just run and don't look back. You deserve better.
Ive answered a business phone as an ex employers greeting a few times.
Be careful marrying this one. He cannot celebrate you and doesn’t seem to share the equal burden of life in your relationship. He wants to watch hockey while you celebrate??? Oh hell no!