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You don't have to get rid of the urge to finish him, you just have to dial it down for a few minutes.
Just round kick her out.
This, the situation isn’t the root problem here, the expectations of what both of you want out of each need to be addressed, otherwise this relationship isn’t making it any futher
His wife knows she can never again book an appointment for herself or him there
I mean it is a valid advice, but I don't think it will work long term. Something will probably feel off.
I guess it depends on how much OP can compromise. I personally would politely break up, but maybe she wants to give it a go. She is young, might as well…
Do NOT get married to this woman, wtf. You’ve only been dating 5 months and she was lying to you the whole time.
It’s not immature to leave a relationship where someone was lying to you. You barely know her.
So she gave someone her socials and lied about it to you? Hmmmmm. That would be a Nope from me.
Never let the guy cum first. I turn into an entirely different person after an orgasm. It's like someone literally yanked the concept of sex and horniness from my brain. I think post nut clarity hit and he just stop caring about sexual things.
He should have been more sensitive, but don’t do anything just for the approval of someone else even if it is sexy. Have a talk with him about it in the future and go from there.
Your bf is a drama llama who would rather cry that solve problems? I'm sorry I lost patience with the crying & poor me attitude when he's actually hurting YOU?
Baby doesn't involve you? You would be a step mom. That's a lot!
You can have healthy arguments (discussion) in a relationship. Doesn’t have to be barbaric. With trauma it takes years and a lot of self discovery (and possibly therapy) to get over it, maybe start speaking to a psychologist?
so like dump him? this is not a difficult equation
So end it. Check out Daniel Sloss.
No I think what would have been egregious if she told him she was pregnant. He said I do not want it get adortion. Even pay for it. Than a few years later she would come after him for child support.
She did none of it. She just said if you do not want them so be it.
I think as the kids are already in highschool, she should talk to them if they are interesed or not. The court would ask them too anyway I believe…
At this point, you and your husband DON’T WANT a relationship with your son and his family. It’s so easy to keep your mouth shut and not be offensive, especially relating to politics.
If your husband couldn’t even refrain from arguing with your son on his birthday, why should your son attempt to maintain a relationship? If every time someone called me, they baited me into an argument, I’d also stop answering the phone.
The fact that your husband “feels used” is hilarious. Did anyone, especially your son, ASK to be born? Obviously not. So maybe get over treating him like he’s ungrateful b/c you did your jobs as parents and provided for him. You were supposed to.
The main thing is to find out if you are or if you can be comphortable with fact that he has a vagina. Sexuality is a constantly evolving spectrum. I would recommend you to take it easy and slow. I would start with being naked with each other without sex. Just to be close and see and feel how does it feel.
If you deside eventually go with strap-on route, there are straples stap-ons.
It looks like you've got some really sound advice here from several people. I would focus on the comments which emphasize communicating with the bf and addressing what is still left over in your head.
What I really wanted to say though is, you want to name the people who are harassing you in your private messages? Share some screenshots or report them? We really ought to ban them back to 4chan or wherever the fuck.
Oof no it’s not, kiddo.
Reading through here and other similar subs, there are some that don't care, others where it destroys their confidence, and others who view it as outright cheating.
Ask your girlfriend and go from there.
You’d absolutely be the asshole and you need to either come to peace with this on your own, or end it if you can’t.
You’re not entitled to her past. What a bizarre thing to have done.
I will give that a try. thanks for the suggestion
Take my award, you summed it up perfectly
OP, take this to your heart. Your kids are seeing your example of coping with problems here.
yeahi know that saying that is certainly counterproductive towards encouraging any chance of intimacy. and the statement is more of a report on how i feel rather than a condition of my visit. Its like, if im saying that its because im already not going to go.
How big and douchey of a gym bro was he?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Tldr; he has just discovered this now and he’s messaging me asking me why I didn’t tell him and he’s wanting to meet my kids but I don’t want him involved in their lives.
When I got pregnant we were at a bad point and he had broken off with me because he thought I was cheating with my guy best friend, I wasn’t we knew each other since we were kids and there was no romance and my husband (not ex, my current husband) is fine with me seeing him still and let’s me talk to who I want. My ex was controlling and accused me of cheating after I stayed over at his place. I admitted that that was wrong and learned from my mistake that it looked bad to him and said I wouldn’t do that ever again but my ex still split from me.
I found out I was pregnant shortly after, contacted my ex and he told me that he wasn’t going to come back to me and “it’s not mine ask one of your other boyfriends”. I then blocked his Facebook and cut contact completely as he wanted no responsibility and just told me he knew I would get an ab***ion which is what he thought I’d done but I didn’t. I moved to a different place with my best friend and her boyfriend far away from him and started fresh. We all put money together to buy a 2 bedroom apartment and we lived like that for a while until I saved up money and we went separate ways but they helped me so much in getting stable and they’ve gotten married now and my daughter was a little bridesmaid at their wedding.
Anyways, I met a new man who I’ve fallen in love with and we are now married and I’m currently pregnant again. He’s the emotional father of my kids and he is their dad even if not biological. They call him dad and he is their dad in a way. He’s raised them and loved them as his own.
Now, my boyfriend’s mom has (don’t ask me why) looked at my Instagram. She was nosey so maybe but it’s odd she’s done that after so long, maybe because he’s single and she’s thinking of his exes? And she saw that I had 2 kids the right age that do look a bit like him, they both look like him especially my son. But she brought it up to him I think and he’s now messaged me on Instagram asking if they are his which surprised me. I told him they were and he didn’t reply for a while until he then sent me a massive text saying that it’s unfair I made him miss out on so many years with his kids and that he wants to see them. I explained that they already have a dad and that they won’t know him. We also on-line a long time away and I don’t want to disrupt my kids lives like that because they’re going to highschool soon and I want them to settle well.
His mom and other family are now harassing my social media and I’m not sure on the best course. Maybe let him meet them? I don’t want to send them away with a stranger now. Maybe he’s changed but I still don’t want him in their lives as he’s a complete stranger and even though he’s biologically their father he’s not their emotional father. I’m not sure on the right thing to do.
I'd see it as a closure message and let it go.
So this is him, wooing you. Trying his best to impress you.
Not very impressive.
What I see:
1) He wants sex. He may not care about anything else. He may be deployed and off he goes.
2) He doesn't care about your birthday…he started a fight rather than do anything for you.
3) He doesn't care about your desires.
It is okay if he wants pre-marital sex and you don't….but it is okay if he leaves the relationship.
So here’s what you do: if any of this is in text or chat form or any form you have solid proof of: find out his unit. Google his patch if you have to. Find his chain of command on post. Find any one that’s in charge of him. Email them the proof. And watch his military career go down the toilet. ~hopefully at least~ He’s a dangerous person and shouldn’t be allowed in authority positions or near a weapon. Or near people. Eat him the fuck out to his leaders
How are you supposed to be able to trust someone who lies all the time?
Im not sure i understand how i fucked up the day? Could you explain?
My empathy is for the person being told “Who you are makes people uncomfortable. Stop it.” So should yours.
feel free to ignore the good advice at your own peril..each and everyone of those pieces of truck sex advice is for your protection..
I don't know. I think it might be the content of what I'm writing but he just says the issue is 'everything about it'.
I'm definitely not loosing sleep over writing. I'm a uni student and work part time and I put those above writing. It's a hobby that has just so happened to get off the ground.
Fully agree, my life would have been much happier if my parents had gotten the divorce they needed
Please take a moment and reread what you just wrote. You are already isolated.
you didn’t lie or do anything wrong omg. this man is gaslighting the crap out of you if you believe this. seriously, this might be the weirdest but also somehow fucked up post i’ve read on here in a while
Just divorce him?
oh yea that could be it, I did tell him that but still he sent them to me idk
What would your god say? I doubt your god would be upset
“ He does not need hormones to affirm his masculine identity” absolutely not your decision to make. Absolutely fucking not.
I dont know about you, but I wont get back together with a bf who slept with another girl when you're on a short break.
Love each other??..but then able to sleep with another person??..not much love there
So, the main thing you gotta do is talk to Laura about what you found. You saw those wedding pics, but who knows what's really going on? Maybe she's not married anymore, maybe she's separated or divorced. You won't know until you ask her.
Just have an honest chat with her and see what she says. And remember, it's okay to lean on your friends and family for advice too. They know you best and can help you figure things out.
Whatever happens, trust yourself and your feelings. You deserve a relationship built on honesty and trust. Good luck, and I hope everything works out!
I updated the post, they are definitely a symptom of unhappiness. At the same time I love her dearly and I feel deep down she still loves me and why she mentioned she wants to work on stuff but she mentions breaking up a lot.
We have a trip planned in middle of April and she told me she would tell me if she feels that we will work out after she sees how we interact on that trip.
In the past no, we both bottled things up and she even told me she bottled these issues up for 3 months and led to this but at the same time she told me that I should have known and she was hinting at me about things.
The business failing just made me tighten up on spending, we keep our finances separate but together. Utilities , groceries, dinner, decorations/furnishings, etc are on a shared CC
I would, he’s definitely gas lighting you. Unless you two can have an open conversation about it and he is willing to work on it, it’s donezo.
What did he do to break your trust? That’s also a severely important missing piece.
Eventually you won't. You will resent her. Because it will get worse. Unless she fixes her trust issues.
The data is what the data is. If you think a 5% chance equates to likely then good for you.
You don't seem to have a strong grasp on how statistics work.
You should stay away from him he treated you like a side piece that he didn’t care about. So don’t ever go near him again nobody deserves to be treated that way.
Without getting too into it, you can go deeper, and I love it, I wouldn’t take it too negatively.
Why would you be with someone so opposite? What do you connect over?
Is he the father?
There will be institutions you can reach out to I'm sure if it, they'll give you a good path to get out of there
I would seriously look for local support groups
I'm a guy. Have been pegged before not a fan.
Women dont divorce a man they are in love with for no reason other than at 28 years old they haven’t figured out how to hold a job and pay bills. Its not like she asked for space to improve herself, she asked for a divorce and moved away and will meet him in a month for some reevaluation of what they wanna do.
She either has another guy she wants to test or simply she is just not in love anymore and wants to move on.
Right, that’s not the issue, I’m asking if I should break up with her because of that. You do get heavily influenced by the people around you, in my heart and gut I said “no,” but listened to her, which was dumb, but I’m pretty pathetic and wondering if I should stand up for myself now.
This is intentional. I can tell you with certainty to full on have insertion it is no way an accident. Especially not twice. Frankly this is sexual assault. No one should be with a partner that is doing things sexually to them without first asking for consent. Especially that it's causing you so much pain and he doesn't seem to care.
The mental gymnastics of racists never fail to amaze me. Honestly, you did your best in the moment, and you can proceed (with extreme caution) if you want, but you are almost certainly not going to change an almost 60 year old woman's mind.
I'm mixed (half white and half Peruvian) and it took me decades to realize there are no perfect set of facts or responses that will wake someone up, especially if they are pretending to be asleep. It's not your responsibility to save her from herself, please just save yourself and exist stage left for your own wellbeing.
Hey now…my mom didn’t check pockets either. Don’t be putting pocket checking on moms.
Before disclosing it on reddit, she had spent a lot of time with OP, why not disclose it already? If she isn't embarrassed then why keep him in the dark? I am not saying that she is not a good woman or something but all i want to convey is that she should have told him about it. If OP was someone who hated ex pornstar and he never knew then what would have happened to him after marriage if she suddenly told him about that? He would be in despair dude. Marriage comes with responsibilities, and she isn't responsible enough
Ew… get rid of him. You haven't been with him for a full year yet, but he feels comfortable enough to ask you to undergo surgery for his desires? Are you willing to risk dying for this procedure because this grown ass man can't handle your body the way it is? What would you tell your children to do if their partners asked them to get surgery because they wanted them to look different? Being with you is a privilege. If he doesn't see it that way, he can fuck off.
“I'm sorry but I can't be your financial advisor”
im confused if she's mad at the new job he took or at the bargaining method. cause if she's mad about the bargaining method she's really just being kinda dumb.
This random internet stranger agrees with BFF
Your gonna need backup on this one my guy. At this point your kid is more important than uour relationship with your wife
I am sorry that happened to you – either your best friend or their mother (or both?) could not respect the privacy of a friend's confidences, and that sucks.
OP's girlfriend isn't asking if she can share OP's trauma with friends or even family, but with her therapist, who is bound by confidentiality. Very different.
Facts ?♀️
How is it not their business if they see their friend being put in a bad situation? Caring and communication are fundamental aspects of any friendship.
Well, that’s up to her, I guess. She knows that you are not having kids – so she has to decide if she wants to be with you more than she wants kids. You run the risk that she’ll always be bitter because you withheld her dream of motherhood.
You’ve only been dating 10 months. You’ve got a year before you need to start thinking about living together or getting married. May as well see how things play out.
In the meantime, you should invest in a vasectomy.