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I realize that as I write this , many will disagree with me and that my comment is likely to get massively downvoted, but I don't see a problem with it. Men deserve and should have paternity tests. Women never have to worry about whether the babies they carry are theirs or not. I find it weird that there is such a problem with this. Are men not allowed to see how fears and insecurities are? It is a simple thing to do to reassure the man I love. Men have feelings and are human. This should be normalized and just a natural thing to do. I would rather my significant other have the test then spend any amount of time worrying over it. No matter how irritations it is. I will never understand why some women take it personally. It's not personal. Paternity test are about an insecurity and getting some needed reassurance. It's that simple. Why make it a bigger deal than it is… Unless you have something to hide!
He was clearly wanting to be saved. Unfortunately that can't happen with a non professional person. Some women tho do get into relationships with such men. Plenty of examples. I don't tolerate abusive behaviour
The fact that he didn’t close the door first thing is wild. But then after, when he left, kept it open.. what the actual fuck!? Boyfriend or not that’s just the decent thing to do for another human. Then continue to laugh at you with all his friends, while you’re still sitting there, door open.. why would he be ok w his buddies still being able to look at you while on the toilet?
Also, fuck that chick. I wouldn’t blame OP for wanting to leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with her, but then on top of it, the rest of the friends, and the worst of it her boyfriend.
Like I’ll be the first to laugh at farts(bc comedic gold), and poop jokes because everyone does it, and they’re funny, and there’s no telling me any different. Except this isn’t that. This is seeing someone in a literal vulnerable position, and laughing at their embarrassment, and further humiliating and ridiculing them. And not one of them thought to close the door.
He’s going to say it’s fine and it was all jokes, but the second he saw you were upset and in an embarrassing situation should have been when the jokes stopped.
As OP’s significant other he should be her biggest defender and supporter- her best friend. And even if he can’t understand why she’s so upset(dk how), or thinks she overreacted shouldn’t matter, it should be enough that she was and continues to be, bc her feelings should matter to him.
Sounds like he’s 19 at college and not almost 30, and cared more laughing with his buddies AT OP when she was clearly uncomfortable and upset. It’s telling that even after she left he’s still being an ass. Hope it was worth it to feel cool with his buddies for a few minutes, who are guna be gone after the trip to wherever they live, and hopefully she’ll have left his ass.
One message, and one only:
“Get yourself a bathroom conduct for your next girlfriend. I have no need for a man who gets me embarassed over natural body procedures, laughs at me with the bullies and then tries to gaslight me into believing that I am in the wrong.
Actions have consequences, dear.”
Girl, please tell me he's now your ex, especially after that update. My god this 25 year old man is out here acting like he's 12.
Edit: By the way that photo is adorable and I love your outfit.
Me as an female, I think you maid a valid point. But, we are monsters towards ppl we don't care to hurt physically. So it's double sided for sure. We want to be strong independent women, we want to be strong and get by ourselves. When you get older you appreciate a man who cares “to much”! Ain't easy to let someone take care of you when you been told all the time that you are on your own. If you are drunk enough to get raped it's your fault etc. So yeah I'm not taking sides, I see both.
You said that you guys get into a pattern of a better emotional connection and you also said that you guys had 3 full days of your husband just focusing on real intimacy
There is something wrong with this woman to a troubling degree. But barring all of the signs of her being creepy and a bit frightening, it also sounds like she had a longterm plan of just eventually quitting everything and using you for your financial stability that comes with the military. That's something you hear about 19 year olds doing, not 30 year olds. And I've never met a 19 year old who says to just kill pets because they're mad. So in conclusion, if you are going to date a user, at least date one your own age who isn't as outwardly personality disordered.
P.S. – there is a reason she went for someone so much younger.
I agree with everything you said other than your first statement, which frankly sounds a a bit judgemental. Just because you relate to to people in your life a certain way, does not mean i do. I have 3/4 'best friends'. In addition there is a chance that 4 months ago i may have agreed with you. Until 4 months ago i have never met someone and immediate wondered where they were my entire life. In this regard, she feels the same way. I know that at least im not alone in that.
I assume you read the entire post… I plan on distancing myself either way. BUT, putting distance between the two of us without a conversation also feels wrong to me (im not sure which is worse hah). This person REALLY values and cares about me. If i pull away without explanation I feel like that would be very hurtful to her.
I also want to emphasize i did not choose to feel this way nor do I want to.
I was always a bit of a weirdo but when I was dating I would have found this to be a breath of fresh air. No games, no guessing, just “hey let’s hang out again”.
Absolutely feel free to cancel – you have excellent reasons and she doesn't care about you, this friendship is already over. The friendship will still be over if you shell out all of this money on a wedding that you resent.
Why would she change? She has gotten away with being a deadbeat without consequences.
Great
You should talk to him. Who prompted the agreement not to be in a relationship in the first place?
Why do you feel you need to tell him they came from your ex at all? Just bust them out next time you’re having sexy time. Who cares where they’re from. If he asks you can tell a little white lie and say you got them for yourself. Most guys would think nothing of it. Plus, If you’ve gotten to the point during play time of wanting to use them then I don’t think it matters. Just use them and have fun!
It isn’t. You broke the rules. You got caught. Not everything is about race. This is about you being a dumbass.
He has not explicitly stated he is absolutely not going to. He tells me he will think about it. It is not something I consistently badger him with
Thank you ! An honest answer without judging our age gap.
go & see who is it. you do have his location on? I bet you he is cheating
Took me until my son was 8 until I woke up to myself. Though I had a job as well as him everything else fell on me. He would play games or drink himself to passing out.
Don’t waste anymore time!!!
Now you know for a fact this man would dump you if you were walking around with shit caked between your asscheeks.
If he's organizing the party, he decides the guest list. If he's not inviting your gf, he shouldn't be inviting you. FWIW, I think it's reasonable for him not to invite your gf, given the problems your girlfriends have with each other. And honestly, given the beef between them, your girlfriend should have declined the original invite.
Where he went wrong was 1) waiting until the last minute to tell you, and 2) inviting you. You're a couple, you're invited together or not at all.
For get-togethers that he is not in charge of, bring your girlfriend. He and his gf can choose not to attend if they dislike her so much. You should both also consider breaking up with your respective girlfriends, though. You don't want to be with people with that level of animosity.
That’s a keeper or at least a good human
Is she Asian ? ?
I ask because sometimes my GF can ask something that makes her nervous in “asian face mode” as she calls it. Which is a completely neutral face that always throws me off lol
you’d think as a bisexual woman she would know better, considering how often people try to convince us we need to “pick a team” or give us the classic “you just want attention” commentary. there’s no gentle way to handle this OP. if she doesn’t get why this is so inappropriate you’re gonna have to be overly clear about it.
next time she asks if you’re sure you aren’t bi, hit her with “i know i’m straight, but are you sure you’re bi? because your gaydar is extremely broken??” rinse and repeat as needed. just keep turning the tables on her every time she brings it up.
it might make her a little mad, but it also might be the most effective way to get your point to stick because of how frequently bisexual people are questioned exactly the way she’s questioning you.
Lol, thank you. Another victim of not doing their homework before submitting an assignment
Yeah I'm not saying EVERY age-gap relationship is bad but a lot of them are sadly. But the age gap isn't really the main thing here 'cause I'd still be saying the same thing even if you were the same age as him: the real issue is that your bf is an immature man-child who just wants a bang maid.
“He told me he loved me within the first week”
!!!
“He is currently unemployed and living off of his savings. He has been unemployed for over a year.… He also said that he doesnt really plan on getting another job.”
!!!
If you're looking for a homemaker husband (plenty of men with jobs like “physician” have made the sole breadwinner thing work), he might be an option – though you'd have to make sure his lack of motivation for seeking paid work wasn't also a problem when it comes to domestic labor. If you're looking for someone who can contribute financially to a household, he's not a good option – but there are ways other than money to contribute, so I'd advise against assuming he's a moocher just because he's not motivated by chasing money. (I'm also not saying he's NOT – he might be; as someone who is self-employed doing handywork, repair, and remodelling projects as I like, and who values free time more than making as much money as possible – though that's more to have the time and flexibility to care for my disabled girlfriend right now, as I actually enjoy my work and wouldn't mind saving up more cash – I just want to warn people against assumptions informed by capitalist propaganda more than reality.)
I met my wife when I was 24, and she was 38. We got married 3 years later. Most of my friends thought I was crazy. Told me I was her mid-life crisis. Like an old guy buying a sports car. The funny thing is that those friends are either still single or divorced. While we are approaching our 20-year anniversary this September.
If she is happy and you are happy, what else matters.