Wife (28F) forbidding me (28M) from talking to female best friend (36F)
4KThrowaway because wife sometimes uses Reddit. All details are accurate but ages have been fudged a little bit.
I (28M) have been married to my wife (28F) for 5 years, together 8. 3 years ago we moved to a new town and I started a new job. At this job I met a girl (36F) who I really clicked with. We don't share very many common interests, but can talk for hours because we have a very similar way of thinking. We became friends and have been such for the last 3 years.
Recently we got a long lunch at work and went to a nearby museum. During this time my wife tried to call me because of some problem with our bank but I didn't hear it (my phone was in silent), so she checked my location (we share location history) and was surprised that I was not near my office. When I called her later she asked me why I was not near my office. I said I got lunch there, but didn't mention I was with my friend or that we went to a museum. Later that day she asked me again and I told her the whole story and apologised for lying about it.
Many conversations later (and after much anxiety and pain) she is insisting that I cut off all contact with my friend and find other friends because of "emotional creating". I agreed that I probably do talk to her a bit too often and should pull back a little but don't want to cut her off completely. Where do we go from here?
Some context: – my friend and I hang out relatively frequently (say lunch 1-ish times per week and a museum-like trip once every few weeks). – we typically only hang out around work hours (we sometimes hang out on the weekend but usually with our families). – we typically text every day (this is what I was thinking of cutting down on) – we have never done anything physical except hugging when greeting/saying goodbye – I really, really struggle to make friends (apart from my wife this is the first real friend I feel I've ever had), so having to lose her is devastating – I lied because I was afraid of what my wife would say; we have had many issues throughout our relationship of me leaving it details because I don't want to justify them (things like what food I eat, what games I play etc). There are a lot of complicated reasons for this but long story short I'm a coward and she's very strong willed so if she disagrees with something I do I will very likely cave and not do it again (even if I love it). This is something we are actively working on. – our relationship has always been a bit rocky, very anxious-avoidant. It's something we're working on, but recently (because of lack of time due to kids) we feel our connection has gotten weaker.
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In general people look better without glasses, and I’m pretty sure that’s a universal view. I wear glasses too but even as a guy I’ll put in contacts if I’m going on a first date or to the club w my girl. I don’t think suggesting contacts one time is that big of deal, but if he’s constantly pressuring you to do it then it’s definitely a problem. Really depends on the circumstance and how it was communicated. People suggesting they break up over a single suggestion are ridiculous and probably perpetually single
Don't worry about them worry about you and your success. When I had a crafting fb page I didn't invite family because I didn't want to throw all my crafts on their page and have their page blown up all about me. I have unfollowed family members who mix their passions in their family page and I dont care to see everything they do. My sister loves her kids but I don't love them as much ws she does sering every move they make on social media.
Even if you don't post alot, this is YOUR passion not theirs, do what makes you happy. Usually stangers are always more supportive then family anyway.
Um, you didn't address my post, Op. Perhaps you should reread my reply? And answer my questions to you?
* it doesn't have anything to do with it*
According to who? You?
*I apologize for my behavior because I realize it's not cool to lash out*
You can apologize all you want to, Op. Your continuous BEHAVIOR says way more than your words/apologizes.
I don't expect you to reply to my questions and Imma Peace Out.
Yea I talked to my aunt and uncle and they agreed to take me in if my parents don’t if it doesn’t work out. I have money saved up and have been living on my own for a year now so Ik I can but while I’m trying to find a place they said I could live with them
????nope. She’s crazy! You are in college FFS! Enjoy it and stop worrying about her jealousy. It’s not going to get better. Trust an old person, this is the fun times so do not let her ruin it for you. If it’s meant to be, you will get back together later but she should not be controlling your every move.
So much easier. Draw up an eviction notice and take out the garbage!
You break up and stop fucking talking to him. Stop texting, stop calling him, don’t hang out, just leave it. Look, it’s ok if he wants to have an open relationship. It’s actually good that he’s realized that about himself. But what he needs to do is to go and find someone who also wants that. That’s not you. You are incompatible and that’s ok. Stop having the conversation with him. Pull the trigger and start the process of getting over him and finding someone else.
This is not a “disrespected” you situation. This is a not a great friend issue. Once you and your ex were single she was free to do whatever she wanted and it had nothing to do with you. But if you'd told your friend that despite the brevity of this relationship you still had feelings for her and would appreciate him not going after her then he broke your trust. Four months just isn't that long and your friends clearly don't understand the depth of your feelings. Makes one wonder if you ever talked to them about this. However, you're treading dangerously close to implying that you have some sense of priority over this ex, and that's not great. Maybe just tell these guys that you still have feelings for this woman and hence this is kind of a bigger deal to you than would typically be expected.
Probably the same delusion of grandeur that made you think your advice was useful.