My (22M) girlfriend (21F) of 1 year refused to be seen with me for our anniversary dinner last night because I had a black eye and now I don’t know how I can fix this.
3KMy girlfriend "Nicole" and I have been together for a year and for the most part, things have been going great. We hardly ever argue but, over the past couple months, I've noticed she's become increasingly concerned with her public image, especially what she puts forward on social media.
Historically, it's been little things like asking me to change what I'm wearing before going out or having me retake the same picture a dozen times because she isn't satisfied with it. Pretty normal relationship stuff.
Yesterday, while I was riding my bike to class, a jaywalker walked out into the street and I had to swerve to avoid him. I ended up swerving into a signpost and hit my face on the pole. Luckily, my helmet and sunglasses took the brunt of the collision, but it left me with a bit of a shiner and destroyed my sunglasses.
I ended up going to an urgent care to get my eye looked at and luckily nothing was seriously wrong, although the doctor said I was definitely going to have a black eye for a while. After my visit to urgent care, I texted Nicole letting her know that I had gotten into an accident, but that everything was okay.
As you would expect, she was very concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay. Nicole immediately FaceTimed me so we could talk so she could make sure everything was okay. When I answered, I deliberately hid my face at first just so I could warn her that it looked a little rough. I could definitely see her tense up a bit when I told her that and she became upset when I actually showed her my eye. At that point, it had started to really bruise and was almost completely swollen shut. I tried to assure her that I was going to spend the next few hours icing it and that I was sure it would look much better by the time we had our dinner reservation and that I wasn't going to let a little bruise ruin our plans for both dinner and after (plans I had texted her that morning to give her something to look forward to).
At that point, Nicole began crying and hung up not long after. I kept texting her that everything was going to be okay, but she didn't respond for a couple hours. When she finally did, she said she wanted to postpone our anniversary dinner and other celebrations until my black eye was gone. I told her that I didn't mind going out in public with my swollen eye and that it shouldn't stop us from having a good time, but she replied that she did mind. I even floated the idea of an eyepatch or buying new sunglasses (since my only pair had been destroyed, but she was adamant about it.
This definitely hurt my feelings a bit and made me a lot more self-conscious about my eye. I don't think we should have to postpone celebrating for a few days until my eye is all healed and have told her so, but Nicole couldn't be convinced. It also has me questioning our future together as it seemed like getting perfect pictures was more important to her than celebrating our anniversary.
How can I convince her to ignore what people think of us on social media Any advice you give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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This just shows that she cares more about what other people think more than you and your feelings. That’s all you need to know. Do you see your life with this person after that? I couldn’t…
Are you she didn't anyone during that time?
Tbh, I don’t know why he proposed. I think it was a spur of the moment thing on his part. Like I said though, that’s called off and I understand why. I know you don’t ever know someone until you really live with them. I try to talk to him about it and he just gets all sad and says he’s not trying to lead me on or play with my feelings.
Figure out what you want and do it. Your entire post was about your husband and what he wants that he wants you around and he won't let you go. Is there a gun to your head? Is third place in your marriage comfortable for you, you come after his friend and weed. This is your life, LEAVE if you are unhappy. Who the fuck cares what he wants, he has what he wants his friend and weed. WHat do you want?
You probably are paying more than him because you cover groceries, internet and cleaning supplies. Tell him you want to spilt all bills 50/50. I’m sure you will save money. He should also be helping with cooking and cleaning. You’re not a maid.
Don’t wait for her to set the boundary, because she already did when she ghosted you. Set your own boundary by deciding if she is or is not worth the energy you spend trying to keep her happy.
Are you sure that having an established career is really that important for her? She might just want someone to love her. I think you should go for it.
Maybe she's paranoid. Maybe he's being extra cautious. Maybe he has feelings and wants to add distance. The maybes don't actually matter, but what does is that if you're unsure and want to know what's up, ask him. He's your friend, he ought to respond if you tell him you noticed y'all don't hang out as much.
Please leave. If he could easily lie to you about this for 6 entire years there's no telling what else he's hiding/could hide from you. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were, he knowingly cheated on you for years. You're still young, don't let this man drag you down
Yeah, because once I've told you all my secrets, we're definitely on an equal footing in a “friendly” relationship. ?
I should mention she is a family friend and we will likely be seeing each other 1-2 times monthly
It sounds like you’ve dated a lot of psychopaths. One or two is bad luck, but at some point it becomes a pattern and is worth exploring with a therapist why you’re attracted to men who are irrevocably broken.