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we made plans to meet… … stuff my car
snuck out of work…in the car
I don’t think this is a red flag on in isolation. But since I have other reasons to be sus now I think it’s valid to question if it was ever mentioned why a car was the obligatory hook up spot when you were meeting up?
You live! with your dad so that’s a good explanation on your end. But Seriously—security cameras that aren’t his littered all over the home that were put their by an soon to be ex-wife and he doesn’t have control over getting rid of them even though they are separated?
I feel the same way about that claim as the hospital / blocking you on WhatsApp story.
More common/simple possibilities: Someone is at home who he doesn’t want to see you. Family pictures and belongings that clearly wouldn’t be his or his daughter’s is in his home he doesn’t want YOU to see them. He wants to make sure not a single neighbor sees you.
Have you guys ever booked a hotel room together with his regular credit/debit card? If you asked him how do you that a just a few times how do you think he’d respond (even if you wanted to split the bill evenly by giving him half back in cash)? Do you think he’d have a good reason or make it into a big deal? i ask because spouses often have access to view one another’s financial accounts which enables you to see which stores/establishments they’ve been spending money at.
Inference/Stance: Dishonesty in the form of lies of commission
snuck out of work…in the car
we do the things…he had to lie to get out of work
Why did he ask you to meet him at work that time? He’s in his mid thirties, and yeah rebellious behavior can still be fun at that age especially when it’s not a regular behavior. But there’s also the alternative possibilities: it’s not the place that was convenient to be with you, it was the time. Is someone with him in the mornings before work? Is someone gonna expecting him to be home by a certain time after work?
Inference/Stance: Suspicious
To summarize it immensely, my bf wants me to put him first in decision making, be proactive in thinking, to trust him fully, and to quit telling small lies to deny responsibility for my actions. I want to give him this and I agree with him that I am selfish in decision making and I struggle with stopping the lies because I don't even realize I'm lying until after we break it down and explain it. I am trying to improve myself, but I have no idea how to really do this. I have tried reminding myself daily what I need to work on, but I still end up doing it. He says I should just be able to do it if I really want it. He says a therapist can't help bc I already know what the problem is I just need to fix it.
Can you explain more what you mean by “wants me to put him first in decision making” and “be proactive in thinking”?
DO you trust him fully?
What kind of lies do you tell without realizing?
I think it would be great to see a therapist, maybe they would help you understand how manipulative and abusive your boyfriend is being.
You feel sad because you want him to want to be with you, and you're slowly realizing that he doesn't want to be with you, and that really, really hurts
He got mad at you and then mopey with you because he's trying to manipulate you into being available to him on his terms instead of your own. It's gross, and it only proves that all that matters to him is what he wants and how he wants it, regardless of how you feel or whether you are hurt.
I'm sorry, honey. But it turns out this particular prince really was a frog all along.
the next one will be better
? not healthy. I dont even know why ur engaged. If u want to try to get thru to him, couples counseling.