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It’s not doing something to “help”. You’re not helping her with her tasks. You live! in that house, so those chores are yours too – you’re just making them her problem.
For every tasks that you do, you’re adding in at least three tasks for her:
Check if lazy partner has done their part of the basic adult maintenance of the house
Work out how to coax lazy partner into behaving like an adult and doing their damn chores, and babysit their sulking about it
Check lazy partner did the thing properly or did it at all, and then work out if it’s worth even having the argument vs fixing it herself when you didn’t.
Iterate every time she has to ask you.
She’s not your manager; she didn’t sign up to have to keep asking you to do your part, but you’re putting her in that position and then moaning about it.
You have three choices:
Start doing your share of the chores plus a few before she notices they need doing or asks you to do them. Do them to the standard you know she wants them done, not your minimum effort. Remove the burden of managing you from her by no longer needing to be managed. Once you have been doing all your housework without needing babysitting for about twice as long as she’s had to babysit you for, she’ll probably have started to trust you to act like an adult again.
Accept and admit that you don’t do things or do them properly without a manager. Ask her to manage you, and you take on a larger share of the housework to make up for her having to do all the planning and thinking and reminding and checking. In this not only do you do more of the chores, and again do them to her standard not your own, you also forfeit all right to not take directions well. If she tells you a chore needs done you drop what you’re doing and do it immediately. That’s the price of abdicating responsibility: you also abdicate control.
Carry on not doing your share, needing to be persuaded to act like a responsible adult, and not responding well to being asked to do so. This way you get away with not doing much housework!
Way three gets you dumped very soon indeed. Way two might work if she’s genuinely happy to be the one who does the thinking for both of you, but a lot of people want a partner not a servant; so expect to get dumped when either she gets bored or the effort of handling you or you prove you can’t be trusted to hold up your side.
Way one you save your relationship and regain her trust but – and this part clearly matters a lot to you – you do end up having to do your damn chores.
Borrowing money is real, whether you believe in it or not.