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You're acting as if you have already successfully predicted every outcome of this situation, but unless you're the Oracle of Delphi, you probably haven't.
You need to tell your brother the truth; you have been avoiding him not because he did something, but because his girlfriend's social media habits are excessive and because you don't trust her after she filmed you against your will and posted the footage live even after you made your uncomfortableness known.
I can understand why you feel violated by her actions and why you might not trust her in the future, but you seem to have a very black-and-white stance on this and be completely unwiling to have your initial feelings challenged.
It's fine if that's really how you feel, but if your overall question is how you can make good with your brother, then the answer is that you are going to have to give this woman another chance.
Did you cheat on him? Your post doesn’t say whether you have or not.
What I do to control my anger is to message, instead of shouting what I want to shout I message that person and ask them to read it later. This a system that me and my sister thought while we were in highschool because on one of our screaming matches a neighbour called the police thinking we were in danger (at that time the message was a back and forth in paper notes though as we didnt have a smartphone nor WhatsApp had been invented yet)
I do think writing them down allows you to reread it and then re-explain, thus reducing you making her feel like you are making fun of her
The ultimate form of anger management tho is therapy or doing yourself a read on anger management books, you wont stop getting angry nor irritated but with the message method you may be able to extrapolate that with time to any future “face to face I cant get out nor write” situation
“Baby pleeeeeease don’t go, take some time for yourself, I’ll wait for you!!!!”
five minutes later
“Oh sorry I have a date Friday”
Lmao
Boyfriend calls himself a nice guy. Is the vibrator gift a typical ‘nice guy’ gift?
He sound like a bullshit excuse for a man, manchild thinks with the wrong head. And that's coming from another man.
He wants the single guy perk, so he should be single. Divorce that sad little boy, you're still young. My sister is around your age and she's getting medicine. You still have a whole future ahead of you. You dont desrve this shit. Nobody does. Your SO is one of the reason we get a bad rap.
Thank you for that perspective.
lol
Dump him.
No you do not have to help her with her son. Obviously they are a package deal but it doesnt mean you are automatically a step dad. If she has her shit together there is no reason why you cant just date and take things slowly. Make it clear to her you really like her but you are not ready to be a dad. If she is looking for a dad for her kid and you are not ready it is not meant to be.
All your advice is very valid. Again it was a random encounter, no real talking or anything else. I think I just wanted to explain why I might have seemed off just cause I didn't want to seem like I'm this way when we are not hanging out. I'll either see them today if we're hanging out or later this week, I won't bring it up again.
I don't know what the rest of your life looks like, but it is important that you have support outside your relationship, such as friends and relatives. It really helps to have interests or activities outside the home. Working is one outlet where you can interact with others and find fulfillment. Other ideas are joining a club, gym, volunteering, taking a class in something that interests you. Get involved in a sport.
I really think it is great you are going to therapy. You recognize that something isn't right and have taken steps to fix it. Good luck
Yeah, he probably does. You like him fine, and that’s it! This isn’t a relationship to continue, and you’d be kindest to let him go.
Get out of there
First off, y’all must have broken up for a reason. I’ve been in this trap before too, and saw many friends in this trap, and strongly recommend that the healthiest thing to do is to try seeing other people first. Especially at your age, so young, so much time to find companionship and try meeting more people. People rekindle relationships all the time and it works, but for every couple that works for there’s two or three it doesn’t. The only way to get “over” an ex is to see other people.
But, if you’re seriously about this girl, don’t do anything hasty just because it’s Valentine’s Day. She might think that you reaching out to her is more because “lonely on Valentine’s Day” more than “seriously trying to rekindle relationship. Avoid any sort of passive aggressive games like the flowers picture and tell her directly that you that still have feelings for her and want to try again. She may need time to process that, she may not reciprocate, but that is the only way to be sure. Don’t beat around the bush with a follow-up story your ex may or may not see, sleep on it and if you still think she’s something special grab the brass ring and tell her how you fee
Keeping notes of sexual encounters for smut is intended to be objectifying. That was my only point. Should have been more clear.
Walk away. And tell him why. He has a problem with porn addiction and it’s ruined your relationship. You deserve to be treated better, and he deserves a wake-up call so he can get help…. Or just stay single.
As someone who is divorced, if it isn’t a hell yes for me, it’s a no. I wouldn’t wish divorce on my worst enemy. People get married too easily without thinking through the consequences of a failed marriage. Imagine taking a year and a half to break up with someone.
It is not common in the US and is completely unnecessary. A lid won't make the situation better, especially because he expects her to do it too.
Tissues with snot and rotten food all in a garbage can don't cause health issues. Human waste not only smells horrible but can cause serious illness. Again……..this is completely unnecessary and easily solved by him simply flushing. It will take time to get used to it BUT it's much more hygienic and easier.
Him changing is much easier than her changing.
This feels more like a power thing than him actually wanting something serious. Don't waste your time with people who don't value you.
No, if he’s a sociopath he’ll be enjoying torturing OP with hints of evidence.
Don’t even have kids myself but I’m gonna go ahead and predict this arrangement w his family work will undo itself, unless he’s nuts.
Every one of my friends who are new parents seemed to find out quickly that “this is going to change your entire daily life” was an understatement. It’s like they’re gone but I totally get it lol.
Hope the best for you and your partner, I’d be very not thrilled at the decision he made without your knowledge, but this seems like something you guys can work out.
Enjoy the baby!
Some people just complain a lot. And some people can listen to it without going crazy. You either need to talk to her about it, how it’s too much negativity for you, or it’s probably just going to get worse.
I still get that a bit in my relationship and I’m twice as old as you are. My gf complains a lot. About work, kids, etc. all reasonable things to complain about really; but it’s very often and repetitive.
I support her when I can, but sometimes I just want to tell her to work on fixing the problems instead of complaining about them and the doing nothing.
The worst part is when I have an issue and want to vent, which really isn’t that often at all. I say I had a bad day at work, she had a bad week at work. I say my kid is stressing me out, she reminds me that she has 4 and she has it worse. I have a problem with my family, hers hates her (they don’t). She immediately dismisses my problem and makes it about hers while making sure I know that hers are worse. It sucks.
I talked to her about it recently actually, how she often dismisses my problems and makes it about her problems instead. The answer was a simple “well mine are worse”.
So ya, some people just want a therapist, but a partner. If it’s a one way street, it’s going to get bad. If I felt the need to vent to her more often, I’d have serious issues with how she is. But luckily, I have an actual therapist to talk to.