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Wtf is there to forgive her for? I also wanna know. For not wanting to be in the military? Maybe it was too stressful on her mental health and she chose to do something else! For not being a fucking idiot and thinking marrying outside of the boundaries of a country is okay?
For living her life and cutting her dad off for telling her he's disappointed in her choices to do so?
What bullshit is there that she did wrong?
I recall the scene from A Storm of Swords in which [Character “A”] beheads [Character “B”], as punishment for treason. “B” warns “A” against the execution, correctly pointing out that they're related. “A” replies that this relation did not prevent “B” from betraying him.
If it was just happened once and if it “just happened” rather than him googling it I probably wouldn’t mind, but I think it’s safe to say your bf does this often if he travels often. When you catch someone it’s never the first/only time
Narcissists are infamously incapable of change but if you really want to repair your relationship with your daughter, I would recommend watching Dr. Carter's Surviving Narcissism YouTube Channel or Dr. Ramani's YouTube video. Try to use the content in these videos to understand how you effect your daughter, learn how to be more empathetic, and learn to see her as an equal, separate human being with valid emotions and ideas.
well i didnt intend on dating for a while. Like i said, this new girl just popped into my life. Cant help that. Anyways, thanks for the advice. It probably is best to just leave it.
I wouldn’t spend 5 minutes around the person you’ve described, let alone 21 years.
Leaving will probably be one of the best things you ever do for yourself.
OMG what a really awful thing to say to your partner!! Jeez! I am sure you are hurting. Did you tell her how deeply hurtful that was? And just as a side note, my dad had the surgery when he was 25 for much the same reason (not my mum’s comments because she wouldn’t care if he had a purple eggplant as he is her soulmate) and he said if he’d had known he never would have done it, as it was incredibly painful and a very long recovery/healing period. Mind you he’s 90 now so who knows what drugs they had when dinosaurs roamed the earth…. But do your research. Fuck what anyone else says. And I feel like there are more turtlenecks than v-necks in the world anyway. Hugs.
I’m gonna go ahead and tell you her timeline: she already wants to be engaged, so she wants to get married asap.
You were having the most passionate sex of your life and then you yelled out “Mommy!” while finishing? And you're just expecting us to believe it was totally random?
Totally random? No, probably not. But the brain gets its wires crossed all the time. And sometimes the wrong word comes out. When you were in school, haven't you every accidentally called your Teacher “Mom” or “Dad”? Its not “totally random.” Your brain just pulled a word from the “authority figure” section. Your primary authority figures are your parents. You went to call another authority figure, your teacher, and accidentally pulled the wrong word.
In this scenario its completely reasonable to think he loves his GF. He loves his Mom (a different type of love, but still an extreme emotion). His brain just pulled a word from the “I love this person” section and it happened to be Mommy.
I wasted 5 years on a muslim man, sweetie it is mor worth it and he fidn’t even try to dictate what i wear. If you don’t align culturally and religiously it’s never going to be worth it. Also most islamic rooted cultures are still very oppressive to the modern day woman. Yes some women choose it but also how can you not when you have been groomed since you were in diapers. Get out now while you can
To me, it seems like she doesn’t respect your sex drive and has an innate need to control you. If a man said to his wife “You’re not allowed to have an orgasm unless I give it to you and I don’t feel like giving it to you” … That’s controlling and abusive behaviour. Hey presto, that’s your wife’s behaviour.
You have needs, there is no shame in that. You should be able to meet them on hour own. Simple as that.
No dog is too old to be trained. Will it take more time and effort? Definitely.. But that's what she gets for not training him properly.
The “he's too old” excuse is laziness and neglect. This dog needs training.
I think you already know the answer here. None of that is a normal platonic relationship between two males.
Yikes I feel bad for his wife.
Lol, we are pretty boring guys. We dont even drink.
Seconded this – i was with my ex from 17 to 33. He was 12 years older. I never lived alone, missed out on so many experiences and although the relationship wasn't miserable until the last year or two it still affected so many choices for me with education/jobs/travel etc. Don't waste more time.
I have a feeling this is fake.
Your boyfriend is a colossal helmet.
Why is it on one hand with your ex, you are waiting almost a year to remove all loose ties and with this one, you jump in full bore?? You’re not exhibiting healthy relationship behavior here.
The same experience that anyone has who has been in a long term relationship. At some point you can stop viewing other women as potential love interests entirely. In your mind it shouldn't even be a fantasy.
There’s a ‘view all comments’ button at the bottom of my phone screen. Reddit has weird features I don’t know well.
Maybe so I never confirmed the situation
Uuuuh… because you suggested this because you felt she was used up. Now you're mad because other men disagree. Too bad, so sad. Maybe try not being a sexist dick in your next marriage
Hon, you realize you're engaged to a co-dependent basement dweller at this point?
He doesn't do foreplay (WTF?)
He doesn't take care of himself.
He doesn't treat you well.
He's more interested in porn, video games and cam girls than your relationship.
Lol, she was cheating on you and the way she’s trying to find pathetic excuses for her behavior makes my blood boil
This! Took the words right out of my mouth
He will dump you before he removes that tattoo.
Why are you discussing a future with an “okay” guy in a “mediocre” relationship?
Why are you settling so young? Nobody should settle for mediocre IMO, but definitely no someone so young. Get out and find someone better than okay.
People date through school all the time. I feel like she’s just using that as an excuse to break up. I wouldn’t wait around for her.
If he's not kissing you for the video then what is the point? What kind of song is it? It is absolutely ok to say that you draw a line and consider kissing other people, for camera or not, as cheating. While acting does tend to involve kissing/more with people outside of your relationship, it's weird to want to immediately seek that out without any backbone in the business unless he plans on it being you.
Without wanting to sound like a massive bellend, you haven’t even met him IRL yet, just talked, right? You’re not in a relationship with him, so why are you already considering moving your life around for a guy you’re not technically involved with yet? At this stage in your life, I’d focus on you and what you want to do with your life; whilst having a partner is nice, it’s not the be all and end all.
Ok well this story has evolved from you’re bf seeing and innocent text from your ex congratulating you on your relationship to three phone calls and it looking to your boyfriend like you’re planning to meet up.
You feeling guilty is a good indication that you did something wrong.
That seems like a nightmare, no? Who wants to on-line like that?
they dislike the human who possesses that body because they tell themselves they want someone real and genuine
but if not emotionally attached or connected to that same individual, they would feel elated to fuck them
just another example of sexual objectification while devaluing the human
She has treated you like shit. Lying, hiding things, getting involved with her ex. It's best to leave before you get more emotionally invested in her.
Unless your wife has the option of staying home, working part-time, or is into fitness. The reality that she is going to stay small is slim to none. And think about all of your friends and family who are women. How many of them are fit by the time they hit 40? The older you get the harder it becomes to maintain being slim unless you have a VERY GOOD diet. And even then it's still a challenge for most women to maintain staying slim without diet + exercise.
We can't help you with this. You just need to get over yourself.
Honestly, I've heard of cheaters going to lengths of staying at a friend's house or even renting their own apartment to cheat in secret while they also have a home with their SO. It's wild
Couples counseling or he learns to deal. Twice a month is not an excessive amount of crying. I wish I could cry twice a month. I think a lot of people who have difficulty crying feel the same. He has unreasonable expectations of you
this is an advice sub not a personal rant sub
Contact a local shelter, they can give you temporary housing and an allowance till you find a job. You would be surprised what they can do if you just call and ask.
Much appreciated!
It sounds like the bigger issue is that your husband is poly and you are mono. It's going to continue making you both miserable to be in this relationship – either he will deny himself to keep you happy, or you will deny yourself to make him happy. If you want to stay married, do you think you can survive an unconventional relationship as platonic spouses?
Exactly plus if u point out the fact u paid majority of everything a reasonable judge would award u the house just show proof everything came outta your pocket
Bounce man. There are girls out there that don't do that. Especially at such a young age… this won't end well.
You can grieve without blaming your wife for it. Like that's a cop out. It's one thing if he became detached afterwards etc. but to voice those words takes intent.
You’re insecure and not even remotely as mentally tough as you claim to be. What advice are you looking for? Get over her totally reasonable past, or let her go. There is no in between.
It makes me feel as if he loved her when he has said that he didn’t so how can he feel hurt over someone he didn’t even love.
Reading your comments and your post, perhaps it's best you break up and go have fun on your vacation. There will be other boyfriends. You're young.
I can see why he'd be worried about you traveling to see guy friends alone. Maybe he doesn't trust you maybe xyz. Regardless, he is free to break up with you if you leave for vacation. He doesn't need an excuse to break up with you and quite frankly maybe it's for the best if that is a deal breaker for him.
This is not at all about fairness. He may simply feel excluded because he wanted to go with you, and he can't. That is not really your fault and just sucks.
I would say you should go and have fun but do not expect him there when you get back.
….well, are you wrong?
Yeah, you should definitely not expect it if you're not willing to put out. Shame on him.
Follow the diet her OB gave her? I hope that diet is just a minimum calorie intake. Thinking of nutrition in your first trimester is great if your body can handle it, a lot of us aren’t that lucky though. Just getting calories and fluids is what is most important. I suspect your wife may have an eating disorder although there really isn’t enough info here for me to judge. If that is the case, remind her that she needs to eat constantly! In the first trimester hunger no longer feels like hunger but rather nausea. Nausea makes you not want to eat, it’s a viscous cycle. It helped me to set a timer for 20 min to remember to force myself to eat a couple crackers and drink water. Anyway feeling sick and the anxiety of a baby coming likely means your wife is not at her psychological best. I hope her morning sickness goes away soon and you can convince her to see a therapist
Has everything outside of sex been completely normal in your relationship or has that been off too?
I’m telling you about it for now
So, and I'm asking out of genuine curiosity, wouldn't you be more fearful giving a fake number? Nobody ever try to call or text you there on the spot?
Sorry. That was a missed word. It was supposed to say “you know.” How the hell am I supposed to know your ethnicity. I'll correct it. Chill out.
Seriously? Wouldn't it be easier to just lose weight instead of a divorce?
Seriously? Wouldn't it be easier to just lose weight instead of a divorce?
TL/DR: OP is a 21-year-old woman who's boyfriend(22M) cheated on her. He went to a friend's house party and slept on the couch, but later admitted that he had kissed one of the friend's roommates and slept in her bed. He claims he does not remember the event as he was very drunk. The author is struggling with what to do, as she has been in a near-perfect relationship with him for 2 years and has plans to on-line together soon. She still loves him but hates hate him for what he did. He has already made a number of sacrifices to make it right. She wants to forget it ever happened and move on as normal, but she is unsure if this is the right decision.
I have no interest in religion of any sort, I just don't think it makes any sense to trust someone who's essentially saying they don't plan on being there.
OP just move on from him. Just say hey we are looking for different things, I wish you the best.
And that's that. Well done on identifying what you want OP, you are a lot more collected than I was at your age. Keep setting boundaries ?
This man is a leech. He doesn’t have a job or car because he is gonna use you or his parents. And that’s the thing-hes using you. He may genuinely love you and vice versa but he’s gonna drain every resource and positive attribute about you until it runs dry. His love is dependent on using you.
Good healthy love has each partner participating. Each give and take in their own way. He’s not doing his part.
Some colleges have food banks specifically for students she could see if that is an option
She is very insecure as well as shallow maybe niave more than shallow but your sister is a human and – she’s your sister! Love and compassion and a wonderful father and husband who would have the heart to care for her if she became unable to care for her own hygiene needs. I hope you find a woman who better matches your golden heart
You need to speak to a lawyer ASAP.
I guess my only thing is can you handle your daughter on your own for a month? How much do owe your wife and mother of your daughter time to find some balance? If my husband said he needed a month away and I knew the date and arrival time I think I would do it. I think love is a wild thing. And if you face time every night before bed and talk I don’t particularly see why not.
But
What about resentment? A month alone is a lot? Will your daughter be upset so upset that it will hurt their relationship forever, honestly depending on her age and reassurance she will be fine. But will you? Will you wonder if she’s cheating? Worrying if she’s safe?
It’s funny how one month can change a life time. Ask her if you asked the same how would she feel? If you decided to quit your job, stop all your responsibilities, leave you and her alone.
How would she feel?
It’s hard to have a normal life, have a normal life, and on-line a life that isn’t luxurious and fancy with adventure.
It’s only hard, if your missing one thing : gratitude
She needs to learn and see that her normal everyday life that’s very hot, not what she thought it was gonna be is actually the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
To be perfectly honest I don’t know what’s actually right or wrong here. Or what could happen. She could end up really regretting it, or y’all could be stronger then ever for it.
I wish you best of luck, just know one thing, this is about her and not her lack of love for y’all.
I realize that now, I should have phrased it better considering I based that statement off of personal experience. I should have said something along the lines of “Men I’ve been with” etc
It's possible to have a very deep platonic love. The problem is keeping it platonic on both sides. Good luck!
How do I stop her from going?
You don't.
You dump her ass for even thinking it is acceptable to go on a cruise with (or even be 'friends' with) a guy that has continuously disrespected you and your relationship.
I’ve never been in anything like that situation before so my advice is probably meaningless but if I (34M) were to give you any it would be to talk to him and let him know if/when you feel like you’re being left out and how that makes you feel. He might not even realize that he’s doing it so if you want to be included you might have to make it glaringly obvious that you do. As a man myself I can attest, and I’m sure that my fiancé (39F) would agree, that we’re not always the best at picking up on subtle social cues. If his friends aren’t giving you guys space and you feel like you need it or more of it then I wouldn’t hesitate to talk to them about that. I would be sure to let him know that you’re feeling left out and like you might be growing apart some before things get too bad. Don’t let things get out of hand and risk losing someone that you care about because you were too nervous to take action.
That’s so unfair to you. So what because he decided to be vegan your never going to be able to cook meat for yourself on your own home?how messed up is that specially if your paying for rent, bills and rent to on-line there too. His beliefs aren’t above you own. And if he isn’t willing to compromise at all. Is that really the kind of person you want to be with? I mean what happens if you have kids and they do something he disagrees with? Is he going to kick them out?
I’m not looking for divorce.
Im being constructive. Start with a general clean up and stop expecting him to do everything.
I’m sorry, her threat is that they will remove you from their plan if you remove the app, but the consequence of that is that THEY will lose a fabulous deal on phone service if they take you off their plan? Doesn’t really sound like they have any motivation to remove your from their plan, then. Delete the app.
Mate it’s a relationship advice sub, i’m asking for advice on my relationship, don’t be a fool.
Your ex was abusive and so is this shit stain. Please just dump his ass. Stay safe!
Absolutely can happen. If it's not working anymore, it's not working. Make the split, heal, and move onto someone who IS right for you.
This^
She’s not your friend, she’s someone trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them.
Just cut her out of your life. She’s toxic as a “friend” and would be as a partner as well.
JFC! Do you not have people in your life that thought that maybe moving in with your new boyfriend is a bad idea? Leave this guy and then stay single for a while and work on your self esteem so you don't make the same mistake twice