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This could be true. But the writing in the card was just Bizarre… “Happy Birthday! I love you. I hope you’re being good for dad and get tons of cuddles. Love mama”. Like wtf is that? The mf can’t read. The toys would have been fine. I understand she misses the dog but it’s time for her to move on? She knew the consequences when she broke up with me, she knew I bought the dog. Fuck… I flew halfway across the country to get him. I was not leaving him with her lol.
Kudos to you for deciding not to have sex anymore. Kudos to him for leaving you for it. You are both entitled to make decisions that best benefit your lifestyle. You can't blame him for it any more than he can blame you for it. Find someone that is most suitable to your lifestyle choices. And allow him to do the same.
Have you never heard the saying ‘he laughed me into bed’? You have everything needed for a relationship except your own hang up on what your ‘type’ is. Re-read your post and tell us again that you’re not attracted to him.
You need to find a therapist who deals with sexual addiction asap.
None of this is a reason to insult someone. If you get that pissed over a few words from strangers, then you should really try to work on that.
Regarding your suspicion with your date, why are you making it so complicated? Like mind games and detective work. You are an adult, wanting an adult relationship. Talk to her! Say something like you really like her and would love to move forward together but you would like to meet her son too, because he is a huge part of her life and you know they are a package deal as are you and your kids.
This is simple and understandable.
He wasn’t like that when we had our first son. He took very good care of him while I was in school during the winter. He did his share of housework. But it gradually got worst over the years. He his very funny, charming, handsome, generous and hardworking (at work). I wish I could answer your question but I’m started to feel this way : why am I staying with him? Probably love, family, the children etc. I wish I could find a magical solution
You’re boyfriend is a loser and you’re getting turned off because he’s acting like a child. Move on from him
Do whatever you can to not create regrets for later. Draw the line when and where you have to but make sure it is not what’s convenient. This is your Hub’s mom if the MIL was to pass and this was your last contact would your conscience be clear? Do not fret about it but make the the next right decision. After losing some parents in quick succession, this has happened to me and I see others actively digging a hole a narcissistic could not extract themselves from.
I googled it too. To stay dormant it’s very rare. Idk y y’all are fighting so very hot for something so damn rare. I doubt it’s the case in OP situation.
I'm not sure why you want to prolong the relationship when he's pretty awful to you and doesn't seem to care how you feel about it.
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I'm betting it's because it could be OPs baby or her ex husband's and she's hoping to see who the baby resembles.
Leave.
Don’t discuss it with her, just leave, she left your relationship the moment she got you to agree to opening the relationship up.
When she (if she) notices that you have gone, tell her that since she persuaded you to agree to opening the relationship, she has shown you that her “I love you so much I can’t leave you but I need new experiences” was a pile of shit, and that you deserve someone who actually puts effort into the relationship.
Then you tell everyone (especially her family and all mutual friends) that after being persuaded to open the relationship up, her attitude and actions showed she was more interested in sleeping around than having a relationship l so you are leaving her.
And then you block her on everything.
** if you online together and it’s under your name, you pack her shit up and tell her to leave, if it’s under both names then you leave, and pay the next 2 months rent to the landlord directly.
I only read the first paragraph.
Break up now and save both your sanities.
This will never work I promise you.
It’s for both of y’all’s own good
No I didn't. The post was never edited.
No I didn't. The post was never edited.
Honestly the “I couldnt control myself” is the same excuse boundary stompers use as a way to excuse their behavior.
I wouldnt trust him not to be pinning secretly or not being shy about it with future partners.
Tbf tho the ex and his best friend (and others who may back them up) may say that OP and ex werent together/its not cheating/it was 3 months after. Etc.
While thats all true, they dont take into account the other social taboo besides cheating about dating/sleeping with friends ex's (especially so soon as 3 months is still REALLY soon after)
One thing I am wondering about: how many others in OPs friend circle knew?
How did that mutual fri3nd know/come to find out? Did they know the entire time or did they just find out and tell OP ASAP? If they knew the entire time then why say it now unless there is more drama with either that mutual friend snd the ex, mutual and rhe best friend or all best friend and ex with this being blackmail/payback.
If more than just that mutual friend knew then OP may want to take a step back and re-evaluate certain friendships. 'Dumping' his best friend also could run thr risk of others standing with his best friend and leaving OP regardless if they originally knew or not.
OP also could just slowly stop being friends/close friends with him oe downgrade him to a spot between aquaintance and friend. Distant friend. But again others might notice, they may even say OP isnt over his ex/holding grudges.
OP shouldn't stay friends with him but tolerating him the best as possible as to not necessarily make the others pick sides (definitely would see who else knew/ask others but rhis way if not many knew or no on4 knew then they would know at least)
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Then there’s your problem
Hunny, I turned 49 in July. My amazing bf just turned 61. He's the love of my life. We have a wonderful, wonderful relationship.
You have time.
I’m so sorry but you’re expecting so little out of a partner. You deserve so so so much better. Especially with him being older, he should know better.
You’re a human that can say no and you deserve intimacy, love, and respect.
Imo just because it's normal shouldn't be an automatic that you have to do it. But I do understand that aspect.
Just recognize that the power dynamic in the relationship don’t favour you.
Imagine it has been a long week, you’re tired, and want to just be by yourself.
Your sugar daddy shows up horny. He likes to see you Friday nights, he expects you to wear make-up and sexy lingerie. You have the choice of not engaging, but not engaging may cause issues. Sex work is real work, keep that in mind.
Is this the type of choice with which you will be okay?
What did he say? Does he realize you may leave due to this?
Ew how old were you when you started being the breadwinner for a grown ass man? Honestly, at your age right now, could you imagine being attracted to an 18/19 year old? Probably not, because there’s a significant maturity difference.
Keep in mind that this this grown ass mommas boy is planning to start financially relying on you completely when you haven’t even been old enough to drink in some countries for an entire year.
Wow… how useful for domestic abusers.
This heavily depends on culture. Not everyone comes from a background where this is the norm.
You are absolutely right in the context of the vast majority white, Christianity-based Western relationships. However, if you're dating a person from any of the Confucian-based, filial-piety-emphasizing cultures, natal family is usually deferred to over any created family.
I'm only commenting because I believe this may be a case of the latter. Having extensively dated interracially, and thus frequented spaces discussing them, I've seen this situation a lot. I made my peace with a certain level of it, but, fortunately, found somebody who has more Western boundaries with his family.
I do absolutely agree with you about what the OP needs to do in this situation. If they want a relationship where their created family is the priority (which is absolutely valid) they will likely need to move on from this relationship. I only spoke up because I'm afraid other people are going to go into their relationships with unrealistic expectations.
That is why I asked him last summer, because I didn't want to have any regrets. I also wanted to clarify any of my actions which would have made him think I wasn't interested. But it would be better to do it in person right? Wait until he is back?
I'm not sure how you get 'weak' from him helping a homeless person to not, well, be homeless.
Getting into any financial agreement with family is always always tricky. Only invest what you plan on never seeing again.
From the outside looking in, how the hell is this any of your problem? Your dad wants a free lunch for his other offspring. Unless you want to provide said free lunch, then don't do it.
The cherry on top is that starting anything with veiled threats is a red flag and should be a warning of things to come.
That’s doesn’t necessarily mean you see them often. I online with my boyfriend but between my training schedule, work and his Uni, we maybe see each other for an hour in the evening with dinner and on Sundays
Removing your right to your own money, changing the set down rules of the relationship, is called financial abuse.
Along with the isolation,
Removing your job
Removing your transport
This is all pointing to total control of your life.
It will only get worse with a baby with you.
You are not married. So that is a good thing.
If you don't want to go through your life like this, then you have to plan to leave.
He has shown you who he is. The pregnancy was not accidental, I will guarantee that.
I want you to image asking him for every penny for your child, every purchase has to be agreed by him.
It this is life you wanted?
You need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Approach her with compassion and understanding, but express that this isn’t sustainable for you. Maybe it’s worth going to a sex therapist. If she is asexual altogether, maybe she would be open to opening the relationship so that you can have your physical needs met by another. This idea may not be the true solution though so I’d highly recommend therapy first.
Thank you very much for your input! I'm glad to hear that the system so far seems at least somewhat reasonable, although I do think we need a better “all encompassing” system so we aren't arguing about stray expenses, i.e. new appliances, where his resentment starts to show. I do feel guilty too, you're right. I've thought about moving out often because I feel like I lacked power/control in the situation – and it's kind of just how it goes, with one person having more experience, income, and assets than the other, and I am kind of riding on his back. And, I fear that our dynamic is causing tension for both of us. But, in the end, he does want me to stay. I think we just have some baggage to work through that infiltrates in our arguments.
I’m ignorant on this. But I do know there is all girl as well.
How tf is a gym membership $200 a month?!
Dude, you've tried dating him and you already know you don't like dating him! Just move on!
1) a lot of people meet their spouse in college. We are both about to graduate and have heavily discussed marriage and children in depth plenty of times. We have heavily discussed the timeline of engagement. We are planning on moving to a new city together and have both already found jobs there. I feel like there is a high probability based on our relationship we will remain together. 2) I see your point thank you for your opinion
Is that really someone you want to be with mate? I mean you paint her as the woman of your dreams… But really? the woman of your dreams wouldn't pick someone else over you would they?
The boundary doesn't make sense lmao you cant stop cheating by making it a rule.. that rule is already implicit in the relationship. “no guy/girl friends” as a boundary will be broken every single time because its completely unrealistic.
Incorrect. I work 16 hours a month at the club and easily clear over $2K in that time. If you schedule when you go in so that you have regulars who book ahead of time, you don’t have to work it like a regular job.
The point of stripping is quality of life where you work little to make a lot…
Our gf comrade
According to Dr Phil it is appropriate for a very close long time confidant and friend (like you described ) to express judgmental advice opinion ONE time.
She should be concerned.
You validated that by this post
Save this poor girl from you wasting any more of her time.
Dick move.
Stop overthinking now and just move on. You're only hurting yourself.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…. When are people going to learn to stop manufacturing and distributing porn starring themselves, on the least secure media KNOW….. Magnetic media, on devices connected to the world, stored and distributed on networks that other people control. So fukn dumb, seriously. Buy a polaroid camera if you want a picture of some boobs.
I agree. Sounds like OP has checked out. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t have given them the green light to sleep together but honestly if my husband even sat me down to ask to sleep with someone else that is not something I would ever come back from. At that point I wouldn’t be able to look at my husband the same ever again.
Idk what the husband and best friend were thinking. Her first reaction was crying and she had to leave. Yeah she came back later and said yes, because as you said she was defeated by that point. They have no one to blame but their selfish selves
If you have a first cousin on your dad’s side that you trust, y’all should take the DNA test together. That should at least give you a yes/no on that front.
Oh God! Sugar is her choice of drug. ??
The amount of relief I had when reading this title, then realizing there was “update” in front of it, is insane.
I’m so glad you got out.
Is he willing to seek mental help?
Lesbian?
There's nothing to apologize for, in my opinion. You told her how you felt, and she rejected you. You just move on from it. You didn't embarrass yourself or do something creepy/weird. She's not into you, cool. Some other lady will be. Rejection is part of life. Now you know how she feels.
“I’m freezing in the cold, but wearing a coat is itchy…” that is literally what I heard…
My brother in Christ, please, this is not a valid excuse. My ex-Fiancée was a beautiful black woman with BAD excema, and she actually told me this. I said, well hold the phone.
1) I’m not going down on you after not showering after a whole day of work, and 2) if lotioning is stressful, 4 hands are better than one. This part was quite successful, imho.
Long story short, we overcame that problem. (Pun intended)
My long term partner and I have A LOT of trust, know each other deeply, and have playfully joked about “other people”. Like I’ll be coming home from a long trip and say “get all the side pieces out! You know I don’t like them hanging around!” – it’s okay if it’s not everyone’s sense of humor. It’s something we both find absurd because we are deeply in love, which is why we find it funny.
That said, it’s okay if you don’t find those types of jokes funny. And you communicated that. The issue is that this led to a total breakdown. You took it really seriously and didn’t grant him any grace that he was just kidding and has a slightly different sense of humor than you. It sounds like you may feel insecure or trust issues in general.
Meanwhile, he didn’t attempt to extend understanding to you and just doubled down that it was just a joke and didn’t try to empathize with where you were coming from.
I’d think the best way to move forward is for both of you to acknowledge that when little tifs like this come up it’s not you vs them, it’s both of you vs the problem. How can he make you feel more secure? And how can you more effectively communicate your needs?
I curious what’s going through your wife’s mind that makes her think what she’s doing is appropriate. You should schedule an emergency session with your couple therapist and absolutely bring this issue up. It’s understandable that you feel betrayed. I recommend you write down what you’re feeling right now so you can get everything out and then bring it to your therapy session.
Whether it’s too late or not is really up to you. Only you know how the limits of your boundaries. Couple therapy only really works of both parties are willing to put in the work. A good therapist will help you both consider if this relationship is still viable. Additionally, you could also look into individual therapy to help you work your feelings out.
…wait out the two weeks.
Your wife wants you to accept a grounding from her mother.
You need to ascertain if she has destroyed or sold it.
So… the adoption thing is off the table because a friend who was adopted had their adopted parents abandon them, and that has precisely what to do with how you two wouldn’t? Y’all, there’s plenty of children out there in the system that need adoptive parents. Do that. But only after you both are mature enough for that. Your mother’s story about other couples doesn’t really make a lot of sense.
First of all, I just want to put this out there: people gain weight in a happy long term relationship often. It just becomes normal. Date nights usually end up with a good dinner and probably some dessert. And that's ok! It's life. My fiance has gained a solid amount of weight since we met, but at the end of the day, it's a matter how comfortable you are with it.
If you are placing her physical attraction at the highest tier/need in a relationship and you're not attracted to her anymore, do her the favor of just letting her go. I'm not in that boat, but it is what it is. You don't want to seem change your mind anymore. What medication is she on? Is she on birth control? If she is, she's 1000% correct and you gotta do more learning for sure. Regardless, have some compassion. I don't know any route where you are changing her lifestyle and she doesn't resent you to an extent.
If you really want to be healthier, then do it together through and through. Besides that, I don't have any sound advice besides telling you that yes, physical attraction is important, but if you love them, change will come over time if you are patient and you won't need to suggest/coerce/manipulate/etc.
You love someone who does not respect you, is not a partner in your relationship, and have given up all support systems that give life meaning (hobbies, time with friends/family), exercise, etc,). Get counseling. See a divorce lawyer just to see what the options are. Do the divorce 180.
Unfortunately it only works for the Krabby patty formula ? sry man
Well your arguments are legit especially the thing with your parents but there is a big problem. If you drop her now and it should be asap like next day not only she won't want to look at you, it might impact the pregnancy and also everything after birth will be on her head. The last part is the worst because while it is ok for you to breqk up it ends kind of unfair for her to do all the stuff normaly two people would do like waking up at night, care for the mother etc. Think about that last part and create a plan with her. Also if you are going to be not present in the first days, weeks, months there will be no bond between the kid and you.
What hurt?
There is nothing to “be hurt” over your Dad moving on five years later
What is happiness if it isn't the happiness that you want? That is the exact location where deep resentment forms, you will feel a clash between the two happinesses, they will cannibalise each other, and everything in your life will be caught up in that as you go through this exact dilemma again but this time with more baggage.
You are welcome, hope that I have been of help!
He doesn’t like you. Screw him. That’s the only explanation to that type of response. But don’t worry, it’s him, it’s definitely not you.
Mama I’m going to need you to have some ovaries and call him out on this. This is absolutely worth an argument. You know in your heart of hearts that he’s planning to go meet up with her, and he knows he has nefarious intentions if he’s being this shady about it. Let him know your boundaries and immediately, and I MEAN IMMEDIATELY!!! Talk to a lawyer.
I'll definitely agree y'all lack healthy communication. Your best bet is to excuse yourself, focus on your passions, and such. Give him time to miss you, then after a bit 30 or so days (habit breaking/forming time), then try to talk again but about things other than getting back together. You'll be getting to a starting over point then.
I'm trying, it just really hurts because I love him so much still…
Intense? She sounds like an idiot if that's what you meant. Your room gave her PTSD? Like holy shit that's beyond offensive, why even bother
Yeah for sure, I’ve lived with my SO’s mammy and he’s lived with my family.
It was a blessing because we all get on very well. We’re so lucky to have people to fall back on when times get tough.
This definitely would not be one of those situations.
What
I honestly wondered if he was just going out of his way around your friends to be the “sarcastic center of attention ” since he doesn't do it when you guys are alone. Maybe he's trying to be some kind of bad ass( incorrectly) in front of them.