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Your feelings are normal and valid. But if I were you, I wouldn’t do what your post title says and try to forget about it. Talk to your brother and tell him he hurt you. Hell, I’d take a picture of the bruises and send them. I would want him to at least acknowledge what he did. I have a brother myself and I know sometimes things can get a little heated during arguments but being honest and direct about what you feel is the best way. Otherwise you’re going to sit around like you are now and doubt yourself and feel bad.
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Took this advice and talked to her. It was a quick conversation but she gave me the run around about how she needs to continue to work on herself and blah blah blah. She said everything she could have without actually saying she does not love me. I do not know if she is trying to preserve our relationship incase she can’t find someone or what but I’m out. I do not want to be with someone who won’t be straightforward with me, let alone themselves. Wished her the best and left. Time to see a therapist and move on.
Thanks for the help!
My advice isn't much help I'm afraid, I'd throw the whole man out.
He's clearly very insecure, and had attributed you having a toy to cheating?! (That one baffles me). Yet doesn't want to initiate, rebuffs your advances, and is willing to throw the relationship away over an unused object?
How exactly does he think it would work going forward? You'll live together in a confined space, hurt and resenting each other, eventually one of you may find someone else you're interested in and what? Bring them home?
Is this something he'll bring up and hold over you in future arguments?
If you think it can be salvaged, couples counselling. Honestly, it sounds like he needs some one on one with a therapist.
Did your mom die at 29 or 36? This is very confusing. Your mom had you when she was 15 years old?
The infidelity happened over 10 years ago, they got over it apparently, why can't you?
I would say the medical diagnosis plus the burying of a child is giving OPs wife serious depression. You can either be a husband “in sickness and in health” or be a jackass for deserting your wife after she's given you kids and had to go through all this, seemingly, alone.
You should, for starters, make sure you can pay your rent. Your 29. Time to either figure out better work prospects or downsize your housing.
Folks can tell you to stay or move on. Something tells me, you have what you want to do and you're here to get that reinforced.
Agreed, there are a lot many things out of my perspective. I respect her boundaries and I will only be meeting her if she herself agrees. This phase actually has taught me alot, like conciously keeping away anger and other negative feelings when they abruptly take over sometimes. Btw, you seem to have properly picked up what I was trying to convey. Thank you!
first: what turns someone in porn or mentally is not always what they want to do. i love watching action films, doesn't mean i want to become a secret agent and participate in car chases that tear up half of my city's downtown.
since you seem quite satisfied with your sex life, maybe consider this an opportunity to ask her how she's feeling about it. you don't even have to mention that you saw her searches–because it actually doesn't sound like that's the point. what matters to you is that your sex life with your girlfriend is fulfilling for both of you. it could sound a bit like this:
“GIRLFRIEND, i am super happy with our sex life and it feels really great when [specific things you like, feel connective or find fulfilling]. i want to make sure i'm doing all i can to make sure you feel great about it too. is there anything you need more or less of from me? anything new you want to try out together?”
if she does want to explore some things, a way to explore sexual kinks that is very fun and low pressure is to take a class. there's plenty of good live ones. in my country, you can go in person to classes at sex shops or art centers. people who work in the sex education field are so fun, knowledgeable and totally non-judgemental.
i would find some covert way to let her know how to do private browsing though. it feels like a good skill she's missing. and not just for porn, but to get past pay walls, buy airline tickets, whatever!
Trolling for females and telling you it's to testing you in some way…that is not cool and his behavior of stalling women live is not cool.
Trust your gut and find someone that doesn't do any of those things because he loves you, trusts your and doesn't think the grass is greener on the other side. You deserve a soul mate abd soul mates don't treat their loved one like that.
You should have talked to your boyfriend about this beforehand. From his point of view you were secretly talking to your ex about 'the good times', which sounds like cheating even if that wasn't your intent.
Yah, but it was a boundary for him after you started looking. So, it wasn't a boundary for either of you.
The problem is how he reacted. It is unfair and he is a hypocrite. Probably a liar too.
Aged out and became a real mom and human being that he cant manipulate and control anymore because real life gets in the way.
He's not being a partner at all op.
Ya, that bothers me. It feels like he traded her in for a younger model.
I need more information. How strict is strict? Have you been forbidden to date? Is there anything about this guy you know they’ll hate? Have you dated before? Do you have siblings? Let us know more.
She’s married with children.
This left her absolutely heartbroken and irate. She was floods of tears on the day of our wedding and several days afterwards.
A week after our wedding they announced the date of their wedding which only made things worse.
Your wife is ridiculously melodramatic about this. She doesn't own the space around your wedding date and it is unreasonable to expect that no one else will ever have anything happen around your wedding. It's baffling how invested she is in being so dramatically upset about it months later.
She feels like my whole family haven’t taken her seriously enough about this and it’s getting between us.
Honest to G-d, what does she expect? Your brother and his partner exist in their own universe that occasionally bumps against yours. They are not responsible for managing your wife's melodrama. If she's looking for an apology, she's not likely to get one, because THEY DID NOTHING WRONG.
She needs therapy and you guys should probably see someone together. She needs to get her expectations of other peoples' behavior reset and to be reminded that she is not the center of the universe.
Good luck.
Some people don't consider the people they're close to easily replaceable
Yeah, OP managed to hit nearly every single point made in that article. The description could not have been more accurate!
Looks like you stopped being his maid and started being a person, and he doesn’t like it. If your loved one doesn’t support you making seemingly healthy changes, are they really a loved one?
Let him know that times have changed, most women aren’t looking for a saggy old man with money anymore, tell him he’s gross and you prefer to date in your age group and you are not interested in him. Ask your mom how she would feel if he tried something on you
Sad to say, but I think you're right. Unfortunately there are some lousy people who don't give a damn about a so-called partner's feelings. They're just marking time until they find someone else rather than be alone.
There's no right or wrong way to feel. It's very hot to control feelings, but what you can control are your actions. For your own sake, block her number and on social media, so if she decides to come back to you temporarily, you don't fall for it.
Next, take stock of what you learned. Every relationship is a learning opportunity.
Finally, make sure you have your own head straight so you don't make a rebound of out someone else.
Good luck to you!
That really sucks, that those kids have that sort of father but now you know what to expect – which is not his reliability.