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That embarrassment… I wonder if it's being misattributed internally. Wanting to hide something away or pretend something didn't happen. You've done nothing unreasonable or overtly embarrassing.
He's made the embarrassing feeling by publicly not responding to your life-threatening needs. You sound like you want to shield the both of you from others knowing the sequence of events, which can be a dangerous precedent to set. It can lead to isolation, which already sounds like a concern being in a different country
So how do you fix this? Can this be fixed? I love my husband and there are so great things about him. He can be very, very sweet but I am not willing to have these fights anymore. I’d rather be alone, honestly. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to kick him out but I’d rather be alone than to be with someone that can’t just… apologize, that things have to get this bad. How can he not understand that it is important he apologize when he hurts me for me to move on? Like how can he not get that? He acts like I’m some nasty little maniac for being so upset he won’t apologize.
Childfree person here – I have ended many a friendship because after they have kids, there is no separating the parent and the kid. And I don't just mean physically. Everything becomes about the kid. You can't even get them to talk about ANYTHING but the kid.
I think you should share your concerns with her. Just, be aware that many parents struggle to take criticism, and she may just lash out. This has been my general experience, and why I ended the friendships – when I brought up my concerns, suddenly I was “too immature”, and “too selfish” – even when I reiterated that I just wanted 20 minutes, to get coffee, with my friend. My sympathies OP.
Lock your computer and your phone. When she demands access simply say “no, we’re not doing that. That’s not the kind of relationship I’m going to be in. So, no.” And just stand your ground. Let her rant, rave, scream, cry, threaten to break up, leave, or actually break up or leave. Let it all happen. The only thing you don’t do is let her in your phone or computer.
Girl, your life is just starting and there are so many internet strangers who are SO FREAKING PROUD of you for getting the courage to leave. Going forward, do what you need to do to ensure you’re safe (restraining orders, counselling, moving, etc), and go live your best life ?
Pardon my language here, but get the fuck out of there as quick as you can, and don't go back. Take only the most vital things (your kids, your ID, your bank card/cash).
Thank you! I just sent a message to him about being firm in my decision to break up and how I was sorry for confusing him and hurting him. Luckily neither of us will be homeless, we both live with my parents and he’s taking time to visit his mom to decide if he wants to move out of state to live! with her or stay with his dad. I think it’s better, i’ve read quite a few posts the last couple days with similar problems and a lot of comments have said taking breaks don’t benefit couples they benefit people, and I think I would benefit from having my own space again. I think the day I confused him by saying I wasn’t sure if I wanted to break up I was hurting and couldn’t imagine untangling my life from him with how long we’ve been living together, but I’m learning to be okay with it now. I think the sooner I’m firm in my decision, the sooner the two of us will stop hurting.
She went through a lot of bullying and other things because of her weight. In my thinking it's not so simple
Here in the UK we can ask the police to do a check on anyone around your kids
One. One is too many times. You are now cheating yourself.
If you knowingly have sex while HIV+ with a person who does not know you have it, that is wrong.
Is it a murder sentence? Is is endangering a life? Is it sexual assault? Is it completely selfish? SOO many questions!
“Quite effective” my ass. 90-95% effective is not good enough!
Lol
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That embarrassment… I wonder if it's being misattributed internally. Wanting to hide something away or pretend something didn't happen. You've done nothing unreasonable or overtly embarrassing.
He's made the embarrassing feeling by publicly not responding to your life-threatening needs. You sound like you want to shield the both of you from others knowing the sequence of events, which can be a dangerous precedent to set. It can lead to isolation, which already sounds like a concern being in a different country
not enough context here. Unless you tell us what they were saying, we have no actual understanding of the situation.
I'm sorry, she cheated. She may not have felt great about doing it, but the fact is she has autonomy and she went along with all of it.
The biggest damning factor is that she only went to HR after finding out he was also having an affair with someone else. That was pure woman scorned.
Yeah seriously give yourself a break. Sleep deprivation is no joke.
She lie to you when you ask her
So how do you fix this? Can this be fixed? I love my husband and there are so great things about him. He can be very, very sweet but I am not willing to have these fights anymore. I’d rather be alone, honestly. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to kick him out but I’d rather be alone than to be with someone that can’t just… apologize, that things have to get this bad. How can he not understand that it is important he apologize when he hurts me for me to move on? Like how can he not get that? He acts like I’m some nasty little maniac for being so upset he won’t apologize.
Any reason she gives you won’t be good enough. This ain’t a fit. Move on.
Childfree person here – I have ended many a friendship because after they have kids, there is no separating the parent and the kid. And I don't just mean physically. Everything becomes about the kid. You can't even get them to talk about ANYTHING but the kid.
I think you should share your concerns with her. Just, be aware that many parents struggle to take criticism, and she may just lash out. This has been my general experience, and why I ended the friendships – when I brought up my concerns, suddenly I was “too immature”, and “too selfish” – even when I reiterated that I just wanted 20 minutes, to get coffee, with my friend. My sympathies OP.
Lock your computer and your phone. When she demands access simply say “no, we’re not doing that. That’s not the kind of relationship I’m going to be in. So, no.” And just stand your ground. Let her rant, rave, scream, cry, threaten to break up, leave, or actually break up or leave. Let it all happen. The only thing you don’t do is let her in your phone or computer.
She will change the MOMENT you drop your guard. Been in this scenario too many times. stick your guns & leave her
Girl, your life is just starting and there are so many internet strangers who are SO FREAKING PROUD of you for getting the courage to leave. Going forward, do what you need to do to ensure you’re safe (restraining orders, counselling, moving, etc), and go live your best life ?
If your boyfriend was the right guy for you, he'd move heaven and earth to move to your city. The fact that he asked you to move away from her, wtf.
Stay with your mom, you have only one. Boyfriends come and go. Please look into caretaker support groups to expand your support system.
Pardon my language here, but get the fuck out of there as quick as you can, and don't go back. Take only the most vital things (your kids, your ID, your bank card/cash).
Talk to a lawyer first. Only tell your folks if you are planning on ending things for good – otherwise it will cause major issues going forward.
Jesus. Those weren’t jokes. She needs help. Now.
Thank you! I just sent a message to him about being firm in my decision to break up and how I was sorry for confusing him and hurting him. Luckily neither of us will be homeless, we both live with my parents and he’s taking time to visit his mom to decide if he wants to move out of state to live! with her or stay with his dad. I think it’s better, i’ve read quite a few posts the last couple days with similar problems and a lot of comments have said taking breaks don’t benefit couples they benefit people, and I think I would benefit from having my own space again. I think the day I confused him by saying I wasn’t sure if I wanted to break up I was hurting and couldn’t imagine untangling my life from him with how long we’ve been living together, but I’m learning to be okay with it now. I think the sooner I’m firm in my decision, the sooner the two of us will stop hurting.