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Would it be worth trying to get her involved in community things, hobbies, hell volunteer work at a hospital rocking babies?
She quit her job out of the blue and hasn’t gone back to work ever since like 10 months ago
Why don't you just go with him? Why wouldn't he want his own gf to go?
In his mind he is not choosing an ex fwb before his girlfriend, but a friend before an “insecure and jealous” girlfriend (she is none of those things, I am just explaining what he is thinking). So for him it is not an easy decision.
He is free to go, but that is reason enough to break up. OP is doing the right thing, trying to prevent being cheated on.
OP, Put your foot firmly on the ground and stay as strong as you are.
He's claiming that you deserted him when his father died but hes absolutely refusing to acknowledge that he deserted your marriage when he started drinking again and hes continuing to do so by lying to.
No no no leave his ass he will keep hitting you when he doesn't like something you do jerks like him say they are sorry but they don't mean it. Please find the strength to leave him and find someone that actually cares about you
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It took me a few years even after I decided I don't really believe in a god to get rid of the guilt after masturbating. I would literally cry for being so weak after every time, at first.
She am not sure how she can overcome this. Don't push her, though. Logic doesn't stop someone from feeling guilty, specially if it goes against beliefs that are by nature based on faith and not logic.
Give her time and let her come to terms on her own. Don't try to convince her and don't be upset if she doesn't change her mind right away. Just be there for her.
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I know this won't change anyones mind on reporting him, but I'm sure if I do he will completely lose everything. He has his master's and he's so close to getting his PhD. It would be next semester.
Thank you for the advice. I should have left forever ago it just sucks.
I could never forgive any of that, if I am being honest. It wouldn't be possible to come back from that.
Confront her, maybe it is related to the trauma of his dad. I had to lie to my parent too bc they were too strict and necame fearful of telling the truth sometimes even if I realistically wouldn't get in trouble and it was naked to change that.
If she doesn't admit it and dhows how she wants to change, leave bc this is a red flag
What exactly will that achieve? Certainly not anything positive. Talk about the issue like adults. Doing petty shit like that will only make the issue worse than it had to be. If you’re trying to make things more toxic that seems to be the only thing you’re achieving
No, I don’t need a book to tell me that. I know that
Me asking her was a spur of the moment lapse in judgment. I don’t want to make these lapses in judgment again because I don’t want to hurt others.
Really I’m more looking for counseling, therapy, or anything that I can read that would help me with not making these lapses in judgment.
Your wife has an anxious attachment style. She needs therapy (with a group, individual, workbooks and videos, whatever your budget allows) to work on moving to a more secure attachment style. If she is not willing to put in the effort to work on this, she will never be a suitable partner for anyone in any relationship.
This has nothing to do with you, but it will impact your life if you don't set boundaries about what you are willing to live! with.
Ni aunque estuvieran casados, se pide algo así, y en este caso ella lo está exigiendo. Cuál quier gasto de esa magnitud siempre tiene que ser discutida entre ambos pareja, y el ya dijo que no. Pero ella no esta respetando la decisión que el está tomando con su dinero. Osea, ya hasta se siente con derechos de gastar el dinero del novio.
Cuál quier relación que ella o el tengan con sus familiares, tiene que siempre ser aparte ala familia propia. Los 2 tienen que tener sus límites con la familia propia y si no, está es una oportunidad para que los 2 aprendan. Ante todo, el repeto siempre se tiene que dar y guardar. Una relación puede fracasar si un miembro dela relación, no le da y mantiene en su lugar, alos miembros de su familia. El está en todos sus derechos de dar terminada está relación, porque te imaginas–si la novia está poniendo así, cómo va ser ya que se casen?
she admitted to having poor hygeine routine, due to mental health problems caused by a previous abusive relationship.
I think this is the real problem and she uses the medical stuff to sugar coat. I wouldn't want to be with a grown person who can't even bathe themselves properly. She already knew which means it's not a new problem for her. Time to move on.
Also, I was wondering. What do you mean with: 'as long as she doesn't become dependent'? How would I recognize such a thing?
Thanks for taking the time to help me out. I agree, and when I looked around trying to find situations like this on Reddit to try and make sense of it, the term “emotional cheating” unfortunately seems to describe it best.
And you’re right, the focus should be on myself, and this situation has been playing on my mind more than I care to admit. To the point where I even find myself going over it at work and all that stupid stuff.
It’s tough because I genuinely care about her, with or without the feelings I may have. But I think having this conversation, while it may mean losing contact, is better for the long run.
It’s not a situation I’ve found myself in before, so I really appreciate the perspective.
No, his actions are a reflection on him.
His choice how he responds to the situation.
I genuinely do not care where you’re from. If you think a 16 year old and a 22 year old is an appropriate relationship, you are disgusting.
What if he’s lying or changes his tune on that eventually as well?
Hell yeah, I’ve learned that there’s usually a light at the end of tunnel after those difficult conversations.
That's great! Is he open to therapy?
I would suggest he apologise to all the people he hurt directly.
Tbh I think forgiveness is an empty concept. What exactly is forgiveness? Choosing to forget a bad thing that someone did? That's weird. You can change your view of him for the better because he seems to regret what he did.
I mean if that’s an issue you can’t get over you may just want to not ask about things you don’t want the answer to. Sadly it’s pretty common.
There are plenty of unmarried or poly men who can give you what you need. Just stop doing this with a married man.
“It makes me sad you would think I have so little self worth to let you spend the night at your ex’s”
Nope!
Hopefully this was what he needed to open his eyes and see what you are
I had a boyfriend like this, including the part where he couldn't help himself and it was always my fault when he lost control. It eventually progressed to him beating me on several occasions. I could never figure out what I was doing wrong and then one day, I woke up and realized that it didn't matter. No matter what I did, even if it was exactly what he said he wanted, he was going to find an excuse to hurt me.
Your boyfriend is never going to change. He refuses help and his family enables him. There is a reason he has no friends and if he ever manages to make any, they'll be just like him.
You need to leave.
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Run away
Or he can very easily wait a week and say you are having medical issues at the moment, and he has to scale back until you have a diagnosis or some such.
And then in a month or so… we got a diagnosis, y'all. Baby-itis!
Men don’t do this. At least, none I have dated, been in a relationship with, or married. If your boyfriend is getting angry that you aren’t giving him sexual favors in exchange for him doing “something nice” it is time for you to break up with him while telling him to go find a prostitute. Because that’s what he is treating you as- someone he has a transactional sexual relationship with.