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I want to break up and have said so many times but he won’t leave my moms house and just keeps insisting it’ll be fine.
You do realize he is just using you until he moves into the apartment?
Not having naked showers with family members or sleepovers doesn’t make them isolated. My kids are very close to both set of grandparents and see them often but there are simply boundaries we have like many others do.
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Have you met this guy before? Should be asking yourself if this is even worth continuing in general. A year of LDR demands progression especially among adults. If you are not going to move to his flat anytime soon then just forget this whole situation to begin with.
To me it's more about the thought that a partner wants to send them rather thab receiving objectively thr best picture in the world. It's just a fun thing to tease, be sexy and show affection with a sort of way. There are a lot of different types of pictures that you can send, especially teasing ones in which you don't even have to have your face in.
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Jesus…how dumb do you have to be to question a good, healthy relationship just because this dude votes Republican? There's a reason he votes Republican. I personally think it's insane that there are actually people who vote Democrat, but to each their own. I'd never end a relationship or friendship because of someone's politics…but I think you should end this relationship. He deserves better.
She needs to leave, they are toxic together. Are you really saying that since they are both abusive to each other, she should stay??
Or are you saying since they are terrible together, they can stay in one toxic couple and just harm each other instead breaking up and harming an increasing number of people?
That my friend, is the trash taking itself out. You dodged a bullet.
My ex was assaulted in this park and ever since has been pretty skittish about going to parks/walking around at night, especially by herself.
Now, this is perhaps selfish to say, but it was felt pretty amazing when she’d hold onto my arm, and say she felt safe with me, knowing I’d always protect her.
Not saying, just saying, but it’s like the masculine urge to protect so like idk wtf bro is on here smh
Perhaps the single greatest thing anyones ever told me is when we were actually walking through that same wretched park she said she didn’t feel scared anymore coz she was with me.
It’s impossibly naked to lose your first love, I can’t imagine how hard it has to be to find out your first love never even actually existed. I know you probably love her with all your being, but unfortunately she doesn’t actually love you. She loves the fact that she can play you. That you believe her and believe in who she has pretended to be.
Run before you or your loved ones are on the news or some horrible true crime series.
It’s the last thing you want, but it is the first thing you need.
This doesn't sound like the best life to me but… to each their own lmao.
Unlikely to be the other woman if she's met his parents. It's likely that there's something on his phone he doesn't want OP to see, it could be just what he said, he could be messaging other women, he could have been discussing proposing to her with a friend. We know which one is most likely.
Talking to him about it is ultimately what needs to happen. OP could go through his phone but he would have deleted anything that shouldn't be there (unless he's an idiot). Could try and catch him in a lie about what he's up to, but that kind of distrust will kill the relationship whether he's done anything wrong or not.
Talk about it, let it sit for a while, make a decision on how to go forward based on whether you trust him or not. You can't have a healthy relationship without that
Is she also having her dna tested against the baby then?
I think he might have thought it was implied that he wanted you to come to the country house? But he definitely should have realized you didn't make that connection. I don't think you were necessarily being toxic, but I DO also think you may have jumped too quickly to the assumption that he didn't want to see you and I think that was what was frustrating him.
I really think the two of you just need to communicate more clearly & directly instead of making assumptions about what the other person knows or feels.
No one else can tell you whether or not you can forgive her. What we can guarantee is that you won't be able to just forget about this, and you shouldn't have gone looking for this. Now that you have, you're likely not going to be able to move forward unless you:
A) break up with her B) tell her you snooped and have a conversation about it
This is tricky because you've done something to break her trust in the process of finding out that she's violated the boundaries of your relationship. You're both going to need to navigate apologizing and the growth and healing process. There's a possibility it will be broken off when this comes to light – and it will, eventually.
As a sidenote; this is one of the big reasons why snooping is a bad idea. Aside from being morally wrong to violate your partner's trust and comfort, now you have to online with what you've found out and you cannot go back.
Obviously not blaming her, but don’t give up an organ for a BOYFRIEND. Maybe a husband, but as OP has shown, they be trippin too
If the boyfriend finds out in 5 years it's gonna hurt a fucktton more.
It’s unique. And no.
First of all, let's address your view on this. You are not “being firm” when you talk about health issues. It's really important that your boyfriend understands everything you are going through. He should be just as interested in your enjoyment as you are. You can get firm with him later if he is not listening and still harming you. That's right, he's harming you.
I also have endo. Please talk to your doctor. Bring your beau too – he needs to understand how serious this is. You may need laparoscopy to clear it out. It helps. You also may have cysts (they're common with endo) that need monitoring. The only reason I talked to my doc was because of pain during sex and by that point I had 3 massive cysts and was in surgery within weeks, when it's usually a multi-month wait here. Please make an appointment asap.
Buy lube in bulk (okay maybe not literally, but do have at least one bottle handy on each nightstand). Use lots to start without question and stop at any point either of you feels friction or any warming. I assume the bleeding follows shortly. I also have an autoimmune disease that reduces my moisture glands so require a lot of lube. My partner will stop even when he's 2 thrusts away from orgasm because he's more concerned about my pleasure than his own. He doesn't mind prolonging the sensation. Your partner should be okay with it too. Also, try therapy to address the issues preventing you from being at the center of attention. Warm up is essential for you to relax the muscles and other biological reasons I don't understand. Someone recommended a drink, pot can help too, so does 15 minutes alone with a vibe. I mean, do what you need to and don't be embarrassed about it.
As for girl-on-top, it only works for me if I lean way forward so I'm breathing in his ear. It feels a little less dominant that way and you can control how deep. Personally, my old knees can't hack it for long but you might find something there.
So, this mainly comes down to how to have this conversation. Please go back to the top of this comment and see the conversation as a talk about your health, not about you being firm about sex. You need to share your experience. Be clear about the discomfort and pain you are experiencing during sex so he can understand and adapt accordingly. You also need to be specific in your asks about stopping for lube, slowing down, or even stopping altogether. It's time to stop making light of your discomfort. Your needs are just as important as his, and your physical well being should never be at risk to satisfy his.
If he doesn't listen, well, I have words, and then some, for him. He should not be referencing tearing “that shit up” if he understands the physical impact to you. If he knows and is still callous or can't find the control, you need to find a more compassionate partner.
Yeah i guess so. On my last birthday i asked her for a relationship( marriage in future ) and she clearly mentioned she isn’t ready for any sort of commitment and haven’t thought about that aspect of life so i don’t understand what changed now. She is saying she wanted me to achieve my goals first ?.
It's called anxiety. You got into your head too much, got too anxious, and it killed your dick. Try to just relax and go with the flow. Focus on how things are feeling. And always have a condom on standby that doesnt require you to go too far to get to it. Even try practicing opening them/putting them on alone, so when the time comes it's natural and easy to do.
And talk to her about it. Just be honest and say you got so nervous/anxious that you just lost the vibe in the moment. Assure her it had nothing to do with her, and was all about you just psyching yourself out by wanting things to go well. She'll most likely think it's sweet that you care so much that you psyched yourself out.
He’s a player and you’re better off blocking him.
He's coercing her into letting him online there
And I was going to buy Lamborghini. Too bad I slipped and bought Starbucks coffee for lunch.
Read this once more:
Lunch that day they went and got the puppy, her and her family.
Then read again.
None of this involves you. Or your consent.
You are 21 and yet you've obviously tried to control her decisions more than once.
You don't like tattoos or puppies?
Well, if that's a deal-breaker, you know where the door is.
That's too much of a “Me! My! Don't!” in this relationship for this age.
First of all, the vast majority of people who avoid confrontation suck at it, mainly because it takes experience to know how to handle emotions when your in the midst of the confrontation.
Second, you obviously feel terrible because confrontations aren’t pretty and your having like the hangover of a fight. At that moment you’ll see clearly all of the things you did wrong during the fight and cringe at yourself.
Third, you do have to acknowledge that you stand up for yourself and that’s a good thing. You succeed at the what, you failed at the how.
Moving on you’ve got to talk to her. Apologize profusely about slamming the paper towel holder, but tell her that you don’t manage well either silent treatment or passive aggressiveness.
Lastly, you both need to measure your level of tiredness. Next time if you both are royally tired and maybe having some post vacation blues, order food, take it easy and sleep early.
So you groomed your sons friend and want sympathy?
If you can't even explain to yourself why you have an issue with something so mundane, maybe it's time to get a therapist and analyze this with them.
I think he is just bad in bed and selfish about sex maybe? Idk…..
I understand completely. But the thing that pulls at my heart is the fact that there is a picture of us together on that same day and she would praise it, telling me how good I look in it and how crazy she was for me. But if she was so crazy about me I think she should have told me about it very early on into our relationship. But the focus isn’t about the past for me. It’s about what I should do moving forward
thank you for your advice and for being kind
Is any one else curious about why adult siblings of the opposite sex are sharing a room?
I don't understand how yall on this subreddit date people for FIVE years when there's that many fundamental incompatibilities ?
How can we help you? You've given absolutely no context.
What the fuck. He's a piece of shit. Goddamn we need to start teaching self esteem ad core curriculum.
Sorry to here about the tumors. Hopefully your Drs have a plan for treatment. As for your gf’s viewing porn, there isn’t much you can do about it except have the naked conversations about what can be done to correct the situation to where it will not damage the relationship. If you feel she is lying about other things you need to take a stand. Lying is the one thing that is unforgivable in any circumstance but as common as dust. This is when you must decide if your going to attempt to repair and get the complete truth or just throw in the towel because she burned too many bridges for you. If she’s deceiving you after two years being a free loader then it will get progressively worse. Make a quick decision and focus on getting healthy as that is paramount.
Yikes. That’s cringe. Run as far as you can. He’s psychotic.
Another bullshit fictional failure.
New fear unlocked
I knew I wanted to be a part of her life again.
You're still selfish. This is all about your feelings and not your daughters.
Stop harassing your daughter, you've done enough damage.
No one deserves what you or your sister is going through. Your brother is likely the only person to eventually ever get through to them but by then it will be too late. Your relationship is forever gone.
You just need to block them all but your brother and tell him not to tell them anything about you. If it means moving or changing phone plans do it. Everything is so toxic right now the best thing you can do is protect yourself.
You are just coming to terms that you really lost your family years ago and your ex was most likely always abusive or something snapped you left.
Take 4-6 months and travel and really reflect what you want and read back at these posts. You will probably come to some realizations that you haven’t yet had.
You agreed to the dog, and now it’s part of their family. It’s not fair to the kids or to the dog to get rid of it just because it wasn’t trained well. It’s not it’s fault, it’s an animal and it doesn’t know any better. And it’s not the kid’s faults for not training it, they’re teenagers for gods sake. Your boyfriend should’ve trained the dog better and not let it run a rampage on your lives.
You’re the one with the problem, you propose some solutions. It’s not on your boyfriend to fix everything for you. Make some suggestions, and see how he responds.
Sending it off for training is a shitty solution, you need to be involved in its obedience and training if you want it to work well.
And yea, they’re not your kids you have no right to yell at them. If I was him, seeing you yell at my kids like that, that would’ve been the end of the relationship for me.
It is just going to keep getting worse if you don't leave ASAP.
I understand why you say she expressed her feelings in a healthy manner and for the most part I agree, but I almost feel like she under reacted in this situation.
If a woman is openly flirting and touching my husbands arm in front of me and his family.. they then exchange phone numbers !??? You can bet your life I’m confronting the situation THEN AND THERE. I would tell them how inappropriate I find this and highlight the fact that husband would be livid had it been me flirting and exchanging phone numbers with another man.
This woman clearly saw his wife doing nothing and realised she could keep pushing across into the zone of improper behaviour and get away with it.
OP it’s ok to not always be chill about things. I’m not saying throw a temper at every given opportunity but this was absolutely an occasion for you to speak up right there.
Or his manager. Can you imagine having to deal with him in that capacity?
I have so many random male mutuals I never spoke to, I can't imagine my bf giving a shit. It's twitter bro like that's kinda the point, is she only allowed to have female mutuals? Where does it end with this
I’d consider it a red flag in a relationship if my partner who was NOT Jewish exclusively dated Jewish girls… it definitely reads like an exoticism fetish.
Because he's cheating on you dear ?
Thanks for your input. My SO would not have wanted to go as evidenced by his opinions about how unsafe Mexico is. My friends invited us to Mexico City and he said no. I figured I’d just go and tell him about it which I did. I hear you and good point though about 1 days vs 3.5 years. I guess for me it’s more the fact that if he is doing this for this thing what else in future ? Is this a trait I missed ?
Why do I feel like they got upset, about the kind of thing, they would laugh at if it didn't come from you? I have more banter with coworkers I know for 4 months. Those friends of his do not like, since they don't want to like you.
I feel like I am missing the info, about your husband attitude, in all of this. Was he on your side, or did he defend his friends? What has he done to make-up for his mistakes, and so on.
(and so was one of them!)
Not sure why the surprise, I was and am at risk (lungs weakened due to asthma history) and was working at supermarket in the beginning of pandemic. It is what it is (got covid like 3 times by now). It doesn't matter, that he should have put you at risk of course, but if he is people's person than him being locked up for many months was never going to happen.
Why are you concerned about her dreaming about Mark?
Your subconscious will tell you things that your conscious mind can't work out. And will depict it in bizarre ways.
Sometimes you have sex dreams about other people but it never means that you want to have sex with that person. It means more about you and that you wish you have what that person has, i.e. lots of money, a positive outlook, etc. And sometimes you have sex with the same gender and sometimes sex dreams about people you never met. It has to do with you always.
I had guy friends I slept with but it never evolved from there and became platonic and it made us closer as friends. If all their conversations are innocent then you really have nothing to worry about. And I'd talk with your girlfriend to get reassurance that her feelings are just for you.
Good luck OP
I quit whackin it and I can’t tell you how much better sex is!! Well worth the wait
This isn’t BDSM. BDSM is done with a huge idea of consent. A good relationship will involve both parties sitting down and discussing this at length. It would mean establishing boundaries, developing a sense of trust, and going over restrictions.
This is someone being disrespectful and violating your consent. You need a very serious conversation about this where you tell him in very blatant terms that what he did was not okay. Personally, this would be enough for me to walk away.
No
Well, he's right, you're not on the same page. Honor your desire not to chase someone who doesn't want you. Distance from him considerably and view this as only a source of hurt. Tell him to let you know if he ever changes his mind. (But don't hold your breath)
Let's deal with what you know rather than what confuses you. Overall, how does she treat you, and vice-versa? You imply that she matches your modest efforts, but neither exceeds them nor falls short. Arguably neither of you behaves as if the other was perfect, but that's setting just as unrealistic a standard for yourselves as it is for each other.
But you two online together for chrissakes, and by now you should know whether she's serious about you, imperfections notwithstanding, or regards you merely as a roommate who helps with rent and chores, and serves as a convenient way to scratch an occasional itch. Figure that out, and you'll know what to do with your GF's posts.
He’s not nice to her or he would’ve told his wife hosting an after party was foul. You’re either dumb or you hate your fiancée
Exact address and what you thought was the easiest way to explain are two different things.
You don't need to explain an exact address.
It's just that – an exact positioning of the house marked by a number on a street/whatever with the zip code.
I just Googled an example: 813 Howard Street Oswego NY 13126
That's an exact address.
“Well, it's a pink house next to the one with grey walls, you know, the big one, on the street next to whatever boulevard, yeah, like, with the brown roof, just left to the post office” is not.
Dump his ass. This is sexual assault.
Oh so this is why I see for example 10 comments under the post, but I can only read 2 or 3
When common courtesy is expected between two people.
I'll talk with there about this.
Well, you say “presenting themselves as a cis male” and this is in fact the problem – that unless someone specifically says they are trans, it is just assumed that they are cis. And then trans folks who are just existing as themselves while not specifically telling people about their genitals are seen as lying. As a cis woman I’ve never been expected to preemptively volunteer to anyone what my genitals look like.
This isn’t an “insecurity,” it’s reflective of an actual, substantial risk of violence. It also isn’t necessarily true that it’s less dangerous to disclose after some time has passed than to do it right away. Waiting allows someone to get to know their partner well enough to guess whether they might turn violent/out them to others who may be violent.
Do I think he waited too long? Absolutely. I also think he’s a teenager and we have no idea what his experiences have been, where he lives, how much violence he’s already faced for being trans etc. This thread is full of cis people judging him in the harshest ways without the tiniest bit of understanding of what it’s actually like to navigate this world as a trans person.
990 square feet isnt that small. You can make it work just communicate your days ahead of time so you can make space for each other.
Yeah, it's a bad example to set. AND it makes searching for porn really tough cos I spend more time searching for shit that doesn't have a boner-killing kink than I do watching porn. Porn search filters should work in reverse, like “What do you NOT want to see?”
Did you literally just “not all men” them?
Is someone always mad at you worth dating?
Why not date someone that makes your life easier?
I would strongly suggest that you get into a support group for parents of transgender children
There are many many support groups out there on Facebook as well I'm sure On reddit
There's also a handful of support groups that you can join via the Internet as well as local groups depending on where you online
They were also therapist that specialize in working with parents. There are lots of books and articles that you can read about parenting a child who was transgender including an adult child
There's nothing new about kids being angry at their parents and wanting that parents don't yet understand.
Your kid is needing you to be the one to do the homework and not asking him To put up with behaviors that he finds offensive
She had already made scrambled eggs and coffee.
My first thought was “This would have really impressed me before I learned to make scrambled eggs and realized how easy it is.”
“She's a great mum” but is constantly putting her children in real danger that could kill them.
I don’t date people who would yell at me. I don’t think that’s a tough boundary to manage for the other party. Once or twice is a mistake, but this is consistent behavior
1then you know what you have to do next. It will be naked, but it is necessary. I wish you good luck.
I would be telling my husband if he leaves he can stay with his gf. He is having an emotional affair and is planning on making it physical. He doesn’t care for or respect you.
She should be. I don't get why she's invited.
Given that you only requested to follow her yesterday and she hasn’t accepted yet so you’re already confused, I’m actually more worried about what you’re showing here than her in terms of insecurities.
She might do very specific things on Instagram regularly, but she might not check her follow requests regularly.
Honey, any good lawyer would be coaching her to treat you this way.
The only way she gets everything she wants is if she babies you through this process.
Look carefully at how much you stand to lose, you will miss out on more than half of your children's lives. You need to discuss this with your own lawyer.
The only hope you have is to take care of yourself. Make sure you are legally protected. Make sure you know your rights.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take a moment to grieve it, cry it out. Let your feelings flow. Then prepare yourself for battle. You can have an amicable divorce and be good parents.
Yeah definitely be wary of seeing fast electric bonding as the truest love. Maybe it’s great sometimes, who knows, but for some reason or another it tends to be a part of the whole complex of unhealthy relationships. It’s normal to have doubts in your relationship, everyone does. You’re still young and figuring yourself out. He may not be the right one for you, or maybe he is, who knows, but it sounds like you’re doing the right thing rn.
Well, such is life. We learn our lessons and we try to do better next time
Uh huh, convenient excuse, I'd dump her life's too short and your too young to sign up for this drama. She ain't worth it. She will cheat again.
Girl listen. Not to toot my own horn, but I have a super healthy relationship with my current boyfriend. He doesn’t give a shit if I go to parties, he doesn’t care that I have friends who are guys, and he doesn’t feel the need to monitor or restrict me from doing anything. Wanna know why? Because he trusts me completely. On the flip side, I trust him completely. We’ve both lied before in our lives, that doesn’t matter. Everyone makes mistakes, what matters is that you have a genuine commitment to your partner and vice versa. If he’s “restricting” you from going to parties or hanging out with other men as friends, that means he doesn’t trust you. It also means he feels entitled to dictate who you’re allowed to be friends with. Come on now, leave him and find someone who is deeply loving and trusts you completely.
I don't see how takin care of her makes me an abuser but go off
I absolutely just LOVE when women cheat they use such soft language a “hiccup” “mistake” etc but when a guy cheats its never a hiccup to them. Jfc.
I don't see how takin care of her makes me an abuser but go off
hopefully these responses illicit a long deep look into one’s own character. your assumptions are misogyny what did you expect her to say? or do?
why don’t you just tell us, from your own mouth, what did you want her to do/say?
This is textbook how the cycle of abuse works.
If she said you are a disappointment to her, then you should accept that she is telling the truth about how she feels about you.
This does not mean you are a Disappointment to yourself or to anyone else. It is not a global pronouncement about you to everyone else in your life.
Look. If you made an incorrect statement like, “I know you do not like fish,” then you made a mistake. It's annoying and arrogant for you to say you know her likes and dislikes when you've never met her in real life and haven't known her for long.
It should not be a big deal if you say you are sorry.
If she keeps dragging it up, over and over, then that's very irritating and unnecessary.
Sounds like you need to get a new therapist.
It's against Reddit's tendency to see ONE red flag, which really could mean anything, and advising divorce. One red flag is … who knows. Two is suspicious, three is a pattern.
And just to be clear: abuse is abuse and it's not a red flag. Red flags are signs of attitudes or behaviors that COULD lead to cheating or abuse.
You don't need him to agree to the break up. You told him so leave.
He is free to keep that friend.
You are free to divorce him.
He’s made his stance clear. You or your comfort aren’t the priority here. Personally, I wouldn’t stick around in that dynamic.
I've been through this. Call the police to keep a record, inform your workplace, get a home security camera if you can. Tell your family what's happening. Go visit them if you can? Or have them come visit.
You're just not into him.
You don't need a list of reasons.
Just tell him that you're moving on.
Let him
You should offer to be his friend
Please show him this post.
God damn, I'm crying.
Eh, I totally understand why people suggest this: “make him put his money where his mouth is, then he'll understand!!”
But what if OPs boyfriend says “okay, sure, I'll let you peg me, and then you have to let me fuck your ass.” That doesn't actually solve anything, and in fact makes things worse if he is willing to do it.
We generally shouldn't make offers that we aren't willing to follow through on
I feel like you got some people pleasing tendencies.
If you go through with it, it’s going to cause more long term damage than if you just communicated openly that you’re not ready for it.
Block her on everything, and then never look back.
Block her on everything, and then never look back.
Yea and I kind of got upset about him and his behavior it was so confusing. I know I ruined my chances with him. I just felt like he wasn’t attracted enough to me so that’s why he couldn’t decide. He couldn’t even commit to just catching up.
Kind of think I won’t find one at all at this age…
Why do you think you should attend a work event for someone when you weren’t invited?
It makes no sense to me that you’d attend his coworker’s going away party.
Talk to him. If you ever have kids they could be in danger with grandpa. Therapy. And a lot of communication.
I suggest you go to sleep
This is the truth right here.
He's going to nope out on doing it for you because you “don't taste good” and guilt you to blow him because “you said you liked it!”
It has the added benefit of making you insecure so you will think you are lucky to have him and the way he puts up with all your flaws.
Girl, you don't need this in your life.
she was IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, you are now IN YOUR 20s, i bet you dont even remember everything youve done in middle school, what are you not sharing with her?
You don’t trust him. He’s messaging chicks on Snapchat. Move on.
You don’t trust him. He’s messaging chicks on Snapchat. Move on.