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What your wife's friend did was of very poor taste and he was wrong for doing it. What I find strange in your story is that you didn't once mention your wife in all that mess. Did you tell her anything about your doubts in that period when you believed your wife was a cheater? If just someone else's words can make you doubt with such profundity, you might be having trust issues independently of this particular incident. That's probably why it impacted you so greatly that you cannot let it go even after a year.
What your wife's friend did was of very poor taste and he was wrong for doing it. What I find strange in your story is that you didn't once mention your wife in all that mess. Did you tell her anything about your doubts in that period when you believed your wife was a cheater? If just someone else's words can make you doubt with such profundity, you might be having trust issues independently of this particular incident. That's probably why it impacted you so greatly that you cannot let it go even after a year.