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This is why I’ve turned down offers for open relationships. The other person always can’t handle it, no matter how much they proclaim they can at the start. Never ends well. Kinda like your marriage is ending now?
Anytime there’s a perfect response such as this one, The OP is nowhere to be found. I hope they at least read this and have digested this input and truly thought it over, because you seriously nailed it.
? not what I meant but you made me laugh!
INFO:
Is there a reason your GF doesn't celebrate Christmas?
What did she get you for Christmas?
One and a half years. Transferring not possible. It’s more how can I get us both to fall out of love, because despite of that I still love him and he loves me too
You should see a therapist. This honestly has nothing to do with him. It seems like you don't spend any time with yourself. You just replace that time with him. You are allowed to exist for a moment without each other. It can be so draining to not do that.
First, it seems like you innocently saw the notification so you can let go of the guilt. Secondly, I would talk to him because you need to know if this is a thing. He may lie, but you’ll be able to tell because he will totally overreact. You still need to know.
You should never ask questions you're not ready to hear the answer to!!! Do you want your partner to lie to you? That is not a healthy relationship.
That is the way I read it. I think grandma is a prankster and uses her seniority to advantage.
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Either she's having fun being cutesy and mysterious or she's got something to hide.
If you are not into the cutesy mystery then she needs to know it's not working out.
And then discuss whether she wants to move on to the next stage of this relationship, which is not filled with mystery, or just move on.
Seriously, every other post on here is the same story. An adult trying to fuck a teenager and it goes poorly for everyone. Shocking.
So I'm torn. I get not wanting to be alone when sick, but she was around you before you came down with this and may have been exposed due to your high fever. I wouldn't want to expose my family to anything so if I was her I'd have probably stayed home just in case but I also would've quarantined more than likely just bc work weeks should be starting back up if you didn't have to already work. However, if she wasn't around you much before I definitely would've wanted to spend time with my family and would've gone, being married or just not living with close family makes seeing them anytime you can even more special and very much so needed.
Side note for your sickness: 102(+) is actually not great to sit at and you need to monitor it and keep taking Tylenol and ibuprofen (they can be taken 'together' as a rotating system if you're fever isn't breaking quick enough, as in take Tylenol wait two-three hours of it hasn't moved take the ibuprofen and then keep to their set timed schedules so it's never at the same time and it's treating the fever til it comes down). Drink hella water to stay hydrated and get some electrolytes (Pedialyte is great but tastes like shit) try to stay with liquids be it soup or water and stay away from caffeine and sugar as well as too much salt. Rest. Shell be back before you know it and I'm sure you can call or video chat before bed at night 🙂
Wow! In what world did you do anything wrong, I couldn't understand.
I agree that you've been more than kind and generous and owe him nothing. You don't need to JADE to him at all considering he's told you how single you both are for a year!
Any chance of him moving out? That may be the only thing
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She is gone my dude. Just let her go and move on. IDK if this is the whole story or not but it sounds like you either need to learn to drink responsibly or not drink at all. Again, let her go.
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It's hot for reddit not in the situation to put 1 and 1 together
You must be new, that's literally our job on reddit.
No no bad idea
I would not say anything People change if they think you have money.
Now if relationship develops into marry me lets plan a future then tell the person and do a prenup.
Plus what you do have will not last long. You should incest in land and a house.
Sometimes rejecting somebody's “move” does not go over well and ends pretty catastrophically. This is a safety concern, she doesn't know them.
I'm so sorry dude, but they're not just friends. I don't know why you're so worried about these other guys when it's your actual girlfriend here who is the issue. She's the one in a relationship and sh*tting on it, not them.
This “best friend” more likely has been her long distance side piece. Now that he's moved close to her, she's making him her real life dude. There's a reason she's never let you meet him. It's the same reason you weren't invited on this trip. If they're such good friends, he would want to know who you are. I'd bet this guy doesn't even know you exist. Also, you don't find it odd he's inviting his friends on this trip, but you, her boyfriend of 5 years, weren't even invited? I mean, it looks like you're going to see this play out, but it's not these dudes fault, it's hers. You can't be mad at them if she's the one making herself available.
That’s good. A very firm plan is what is needed. And you knowing ahead of time what YOU will do in each situation will help you to actually do it when the time comes.
I hope he gets his head out of his ass.
My husband let his mother abuse me. And I begged him to step in. But he refused until the threat of divorce was there. He finally did, but the damage was already done.
Things ended for other reasons. But this was a big tipping point for me.
Exactly this. It's still emotional cheating and it's something that easily breaks the trust in the relationship. There is only one thing to do with exes (especially when in a relationship) and that is: have nothing to do with them. I would say that not even for the sake of being polite. Throw them out of your mind, ignore them, have nothing to do with them. I hope OP learns this lesson
The better thing you can do is fight for yourself. They can make the decisions they want but later on, you can make the same when you are better for yourself. Maybe is something about her that we don't know, but you are an adult now and you make your own decisions. It will be difficult but now is not about your partner or your family, is more about what you want in life and what will you do to get it.
Being unhappy is reason enough to leave
That's how thirsty, single bro-bros talk to each other.
No one in a monogamous relationship that's looking to keep it talks like this, and the fact that this is the first time you're hearing it from him means he's been hiding it from you for a reason.
UpdateMe!
Thank you for the advice.
You should probably figure out how to handle it tbh. My parents have a 12 year age difference and my mom is in her 40s, my dad in his 60s. You'll probably end up in a similar situation where he will be unable to work and you'll have to take over. Even if he goes to college now, any good degree will take a while so he will be approaching 50 before he can make decent money. You're young, and can get more bang for your buck with a college degree at this point.
Firstly this is all within context of how long you’ve been together and how much you guys work well on other levels. Talking to her about it (realistically a rent reduction rather than just saying you don’t want to pay) would be the first step.
But also, I wouldn’t be with someone who treated me like this. I wouldn’t dream of charging someone rent if I was in a serious long term relationship with them.
It also probably means you’re not compatible long term as financial outlook is really important. I know many people manage to make things work despite differences but finances end up being shared and having a different outlook can ruin a relationship especially if times get tough.
I think you are over-stating this. Love and physical attraction aren’t exactly the same thing; for there to still be a sex drive, you still need that attraction.
I help with a lot you aren’t reading what I’m saying…. We literally split the chores. And we are both exhausted, that’s no reason to not be intimate at least once a week. It’s not much to ask
I would be out personally. There’s other issues but I wouldn’t be okay with my wife telling anyone I “force” her into things.
“I don't want my family to think I'm with some loser who doesn't take care of themselves” except you are. If you cannot handle his bad hygiene and it impacts you this much, you need to break up. He's 44, I don't see him changing
Well, seems to me like you just didn't want to acknowledge to yourself the fact that you don't want to be with her and after she turned down your proposal of a break (which is probably a way you were trying to see other people guilt free), you had no choice but to acknowledge it consciously.
So, seeing as you asked and this sounds like more than anything you just want to be free to do whatever you want – odds are you already fell out of love with her.
Do the decent thing, then, and just break up.
I think this is going to be one of those things: what's more important to you, your morals or your friend? Only you know this.
Most likely your friend is going to stop talking to you for interfering, so make sure you're prepared for this outcome if you go ahead and spill the beans.
Holy shit. Please stop using Jewish people in your analogies.
Second time I saw this insensitive shit
?? With this logic he's allowed to hide STD's, prior sexual abuse, etc etc. If his girlfriend doesn't want to disclose her health information she shouldn't be having sex, period.
If she's adult enough to be having sex she is adult enough to have conversations before hand about her situation. It's absolutely ridiculous to make the claim that it's okay for her to lie to him for 4 months about this topic.
I'm curious how much time should pass before you deem it acceptable to tell him that she was trans. 7 months? 1 year? 3 years?
Enablers and victims are not mutually exclusive, as almost anyone with experience with these personality types can attest to. Often they are the same because they are the only ones sticking around in the problem person's life.
What you're feeling isn't love. It might have been modeled to you as love, but this isn't it. It's time to go.
Generically, I would always recommend a complete no contact of ex.
Besides the outlier situations, normally people have a way of maintaining a small spark for their ex which keeps them emotionally invested, even though they're acting as friends.
Its like they cling to hope something will change. But really, if the relationship ended, it shows it was dysfunctional to begin with. And reconnecting, couples typically fall into the same patterns that originally caused them to fail.
Not only that, you bring baggage forward to your next relationship. Some don't mind, but a lot would see a close friend whose an ex as a red flag. Something that plenty people would rather not get involved with.
Its incredibly challenging to shift your mind from “I am madly in love with this person”' to being completely platonic. You will always view them in that romantic light. And because they're still participating in your life, you will be holding yourself back emotionally when you should be moving on in full to date other people.
The new person deserves all of you, not half.
Everyone in these comments needs a reality check. She probably has a mood condition or like me, she's autistic.
OP, look. I don't advocate being a saviour for others. Have you had a conversation with her about it? You don't know what difficulties she has until you speak to her.
Bc he has changed in certain ways (e.g., he used to leave in the morning without saying bye, or he used to not text me to let me know he’d be in late), so I believe he can change. I also found someone that is like me in almost every way imaginable. Seriously. We’ve both said we don’t think we’ll ever find another person we have so much in common with.
Why would having the exact same vacation and planning for the set up of it be revenge?
I don't think there can be much reconciliation with someone who despite all that's happened and claims to be remorseful can still referr to you as a “little bitch”. Delete the email, add him to the spam list and move on.
I thought the same thing about my inteligence to, all 18 year olds do.
Women still want women on average men at least 2 older than them, it's not a beard, looks or inteligence thing, it's maturity, wisdom, finances, muscle mass men don't enter their physical prime until 25
You aren’t compatible. He’s not a physically affectionate person. You can’t change that, so find someone who can and will meet your needs or you’ll be stuck in a relationship for too long where you’ll end up sad and resentful. It’s a tale old as time, happens a lot and it’s not anyone’s fault.
She should not be supportive when your choices are this poor. She should be making it clear to you that your choices are unacceptable.
You have explained your views clearly. In a few months you'll be explaining them to CPS too while your child is being taken away if you keep following down this path.
I said women because your comment was about her mom.
No one is disparaging OP. It's disturbing to me how many people are disparaging his ex. She didn't do anything wrong. Or do we all have to marry our childhood sweethearts now?
You aren't his priority. Be your own priority. Go back home, as you've done your best to communicate your needs, and he's blatantly ignoring them. You didn't sign up for this
Yea that's kinda weird. But sense you have a shared calendar it makes me think he doesn't have anything to hide. Maybe he put it in there because he is friends with the husband and wants to attend to hand out with him? But all in all, I think that chick is involving your husband way too much into her own marital bullshit. Like get a therapist lady, not someone elses husband
LOL she really is not
But what else can you expect from a woman who’s willing to take her SISTERS MAN
Karma really is something sometimes
DON”T DO IT
Idk if I'd say it's common, but it's definitely not unheard of
Let it go. You sound like a child, not a fully functioning normal adult.
I think wanting the babysitter around when there’s no baby is enough for her to be skeptical.
I have been on the receiving end of having to start over a couple of times already, from $0.
Protect yourself. If she isn't happy with that, then maybe it's best not to keep going with the relationship. She has been through 2 already, and you have also noted it's been a tad rocky.
So you have 24m and are asking Reddit for relationship advice? Lmao, ok.
I don't know if other men have gone through this that's why I'm asking for advice
Let's say she was straight and her friend was a dude, should op interrogate his feelings on that?
I think the things you are planning are lovely.
Oh please! He was forced to sleep with countless women. Right. Don't buy into his excuses. He broke up with to sleep around….and is coming back because nothing caught his attention. He will do it again because he did it the first time. Dont take him back. I bet he is still sleeping with them.
As other comments have pointed out… if you go back make it clear that this is no longer a subject of conversation. She has turned this into a “get out of jail” card. She doesn't have to work through issues because this nonsense will shift and shutdown every uncomfortable conversation that comes up. Your best bet going forward is maintain the subject of your concerns and calmly redirect everytime she tries to push it towards your past
She stole your car??
Report it and press charges.
She's not a keeper. Of course no one approves of her. Just from this short post, she's abusive and rude. Not a keeper.
That’s what I was thinking through. In a normal situation I’d want to communicate and work things out. But I didn’t know if I was over-reacting by having my feelings hurt because she “didn’t want to get in between/burn bridges”
It sounds like you need some new friends. Not to replace this friend but just so you're not putting all your hopes into one person. It's fair for someone to not want the grisly details of your colonoscopy. That would be considered a sensitive, perhaps embarrassing, subject to some people. So you can't really fault her for not asking more about it. But ultimately, you can't rely on just one person for all your social needs.
I’m gonna go against my typical advice which is no don’t text him. Go for it. Y’all ended really weirdly but not badly per se. You dumping your feelings out and telling him not to respond is kinda sucky but worse things have happened in “relationships”. The worst thing he can do is say he doesn’t want to talk or not respond. Either way it’s not a devastating blow to you.
Also to clarify, aren’t you in a different city than him now? If that’s the case then the stakes are super low.
I wouldn’t start off with asking if his is single, but it’s totally OK to ask to catch up.
He did until COVID ruined his industry. I work full time and support a household and still make time for games with my friends. FFS I invited a guy I ONLY know from gaming to my wedding. Games are fine, and if you have that much of an issue with them, either leave him so he can be happy, or get your own fuckin hobby.
He gives her something OP doesn't, deep conversations. They should break up because their personalities don't mesh. She was willing to put herself in a dangerous situation because she thought she met someone who got her.
Sure go ahead. But be aware, she may believe him over you. He is probably going to have a wild story that she may accept because it’s less painful than the truth. You stand about a 50/50 chance of ending up the evil one in his narrative. Since you say you aren’t really close, the likelihood that she believes him over you is higher than if you were bffs.
Break up and go no contact. He “joked” about killing you if you cheated and yet gives himself permission to cheat on you. That's abusive.
I said many states, which means not all. I think safety is the most important part of this.
1) Go NC and block her everywhere. This woman is not trustworthy.
2) Stop having sex without a condom!
The difference between being an anesthesiologist and not is only a casual $500k probably, no biggie?
In a world of fun sexual kinks, you choose missionary all the time
I guess fine on trying to get your girlfriend off before you do your thing, but your description of how you guys have sex is the driest thing I've heard since “Close your eyes and think of England”
Have you ever tried for just an extensive heavy petting session? To really pay attention to what she likes? Maybe not jackhammering for once? You may actually enjoy it. How about not treating sex like a chore and maybe add in some fun and intimacy?
You said you didn't want to do the whole routine – is that what sex is? Routine? no wonder it's not working. I can't say I feel much enthusiasm from you either about sex with her given your descriptions. You guys have some serious problems in the bedroom and you need to get them addressed OUT of the bedroom. Sit down and instead of saying she's low enthusiasm and putting it on her to make sex great, have a discussion about how to improve your sex life TOGETHER. Because, man, your enthusiasm levels are up there with jacking off to pornhub from what you wrote in this post.
Talk it out. With no blame, over coffee, openly. Be accepting of what the other person says. Don't be defensive – no one is born great at sex and the best of couples have to figure out how to work out well together. This isn't a romance novel. Put in the effort, be humble and see if it doesn't improve.
Or keep jackhammering and be miserable. Your choice.
I get so mad that I just roll over and go to sleep. It’s less fun to finish on my own after he gets to finish with my help.
Mate she doesn't have a relationship with you , she doesn't care about what you feel
You let her beat you down to accept something you didn't want
It's all over now between you , time to move on and move away
Differing values are a dealbreaker. Differing politics can mean differing values, or it can mean the same values but different beliefs on how to pursue those values
This is a great way to put it. I have much different politics than my wife, but we share the values we care about. We vote for the same candidates in general elections, sometimes different ones in primaries, and a mix in bond/ballot initiatives.
Break up and find a new guy whom you can’t keep your hands off