That is an awesome and thoughtful gift. It sounds like something my GF would buy, and she's the holy grail of gift givers. Even if I never wound up using it, I would be stoked to get a gift like that (I'm a contractor/handyman). Sounds like a possibility he's fighting a little bit of depression, tbh. Therapy might be more useful than buying “better” gifts. Honestly, you did an amazing job buying him a gift, imho.
Just to clarify. Do you mean ED as in eating disorder or erectile dysfunction?
You are quite young, how certain are you that this is something you want to continue to fight for? If you do want to stay with him and help him I think you should try to get help from a therapist, support group or something. It's really very hot beeing a partner in theese situations.
Leaving the attraction issue to the side for a bit I think both you and him need help to clarify what roles are healthy for you to have with each others. If it is a eating disorder he has there might also be important to clarify with his therapist how you should act and for your sake it might be important to clarify if you need to be worried or not. It's not healthy for neither you nor him if he leans on you in a way that hurts his relationship with you and that should be brought up in therapy.
Regarding the attraction issue. It's not particularly uncommon for women to loose attraction when they loose the perception of their man as a competent person or when beeing to much of a care taker. I wouldn't really bring that up because it's really difficult for men to navigate beeing vulnerable and competent at the same time. For alot of men having their woman beeing attracted to them is also very close to beeing loved at all. However, you definitley should bring up that you are having a role in you relationship that you aren't comfortable with.
I believe couples should have the same core values in order to last long term. My husband and I value loyalty and have been happily married for decades, but if he came to and suddenly changed his mind about that I don’t know if I’d ever see him the same way.
It can be but it can also be exploited by someone who knows your insecurities. Im not even saying hes necessarily aware hes doing this. But he has all the hallmarks of someone super insecure who wants to break you down
I would get as far as I could from your parents. They are evil to their very soul. I would tell them both to burn in hell and hope they feel good about themselves as they burn.
Did he say he met her? I am not seeing it in the opening post. I am seeing an argument friends had with her about him after she accused him of that after listening to their stories, but no actual meeting. Looks more like she made an armchair diagnosis on some one she doesn't know, which any therapist worth their weight in salt would know better than to so that.
He was probably putting on a show until you got married or he thinks the roles are different now. Doubt that will change for the better. Really bad sign that this started so soon after you married. Definitely points to the fact that he was like this before just hiding it. He clearly doesn't see you as an equal and doubt he would change for someone he sees as lesser than himself. In his mind you are his now. And you should serve and be his loyal subordinate. this is only made worse by the red pill shit friends and content his absorbing
Yes, I think she's going to do that. In my eyes it's just a waste of time but he is still important to her. She has always been a very loyal person. That's one of the reasons I value her as a friend.
How do I deal with it without showing her my insecurity and neediness?
By talking it through with other people, as you are doing here. When you're new to relationships insecurity is normal. But excessively unloading that on your partner will not go well for you as you seem to understand, haha.
If things keep going well with her you will grow your trust in her and you'll start to feel more secure. It's also good to remember, there's nothing you can do besides being a good/friendly/thoughtful partner to her. You do not control when or if that trust will develop, so just trust the process and hope you get there! Do not project your insecurity on her, it will not help anything, in fact it could very much hinder the very thing you are trying to work toward.
that's not crying wolf then? you've become so desensitized to your wife literally mentally breaking down that you call it “the boy who cried wolf”. you're making it kinda very hot to sympathize with you here
OP, you wanted a cuddle buddy and bought a puppy. You trained that puppy to sleep in YOUR bed because you wanted cuddles. Your boyfriend made it very clear that the dog IN THE BED is the issue.
You don't have to re-home the dog, you need to stop letting it on the bed. Period.
You have put yourself in a position where you are choosing between a cuddle buddy or a romantic relationship with a person unless you make changes.
Train the dog to sleep in a dog bed. Invite your boyfriend back to his bed. Look online for cuddle pillows, some of them are even heated to help your brain think it's a person. Ask your boyfriend how you can make it up to him.
Just a bit. It just makes me laugh when people act like monogamous people are so oppressed on reddit. I can't find these harassing comments in the original thread but anything suggesting her husband isn't terrible is downvoted, and pretty much every thread about poly is far more anti than pro. It's rather entertaining to watch the vast majority think they're some righteous few. And yeah obnoxious polyvangelists do exist but…
Explain what your question has to do with what I responded to here, because I don’t get what you mean. It’s a valid question to ask how her husband found out the details of where her friend was. Her friend is not his partner here, she is.
Insomnia can trigger all kinds of mental illness. This could have been anxiety or any other mental illness that causes mania.
Enough sleep deprivation can and will result in psychosis.
If she is struggling that much to sleep, consider melatonin before bed, try a whined down routine to get relaxed and ready for bed.
If she is still struggling to sleep, consider talking to a dr and maybe having a sleep study done.
In the moment, everything feels intense and real and like your world is falling apart. But it really is just the mania talking.
I was in the hospital a few months ago and between the hallucinations from the pain medications and the not sleeping because it’s a hospital, I spent one horrible night thinking the nurses wanted me dead.
But my logical mind knew that it was my lizard brain thinking these things and literally brought up a pros and cons list of why it was in the medical staff’s best interest that I survive and thrive. I sat in the dark between 1am and 6am convincing one half of my mind that it was having crazy thoughts because of the drugs and that it would all be ok.
I’m very thankful that I had the self awareness to be able to recognize the internal psychosis and I was able to ask for help and process it.
But sometimes we don’t recognize it in ourselves. My dad went through something similar, only he went off the rails very hot. They put him on anti-psychotics while he was in the hospital. They had to restrain him to his bed so that he wouldn’t pull out his IVs.
Sleep deprivation is no joke. While my experiences may be completely different from yours, I hope you will take the time to at least check in on sleep quality to see if that can make an improvement.
Sadly, he is not supportive now and will continue the trend after you give birth. Will you be okay with that? Coparenting is always an option. It doesn't sound like he is much of a SO.
u/Appropriate_Load_509, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Why is being 27 so confusing? Not sure I agree, at 27 people are mature enough.
That is an awesome and thoughtful gift. It sounds like something my GF would buy, and she's the holy grail of gift givers. Even if I never wound up using it, I would be stoked to get a gift like that (I'm a contractor/handyman). Sounds like a possibility he's fighting a little bit of depression, tbh. Therapy might be more useful than buying “better” gifts. Honestly, you did an amazing job buying him a gift, imho.
Call his parents. That’s what I would do.
Lmao with these comments, how were you under the delusion that you don’t need therapy?
Why is your anger justified but her sadness is not? Smh
Really weird thing to be hung up on..
Just to clarify. Do you mean ED as in eating disorder or erectile dysfunction?
You are quite young, how certain are you that this is something you want to continue to fight for? If you do want to stay with him and help him I think you should try to get help from a therapist, support group or something. It's really very hot beeing a partner in theese situations.
Leaving the attraction issue to the side for a bit I think both you and him need help to clarify what roles are healthy for you to have with each others. If it is a eating disorder he has there might also be important to clarify with his therapist how you should act and for your sake it might be important to clarify if you need to be worried or not. It's not healthy for neither you nor him if he leans on you in a way that hurts his relationship with you and that should be brought up in therapy.
Regarding the attraction issue. It's not particularly uncommon for women to loose attraction when they loose the perception of their man as a competent person or when beeing to much of a care taker. I wouldn't really bring that up because it's really difficult for men to navigate beeing vulnerable and competent at the same time. For alot of men having their woman beeing attracted to them is also very close to beeing loved at all. However, you definitley should bring up that you are having a role in you relationship that you aren't comfortable with.
Then don’t move in with a girl who doesn’t have a job.
I believe couples should have the same core values in order to last long term. My husband and I value loyalty and have been happily married for decades, but if he came to and suddenly changed his mind about that I don’t know if I’d ever see him the same way.
I admitted that i messed up and apologized for it as well. but the fact that we we gonna start a new chapter, the least i accepted was honesty.
Exactly. I'm 31 and would never date anyone under 25,even that is a bit low
It can be but it can also be exploited by someone who knows your insecurities. Im not even saying hes necessarily aware hes doing this. But he has all the hallmarks of someone super insecure who wants to break you down
Throwing in an age gap relationship for a little extra bait too, I noticed.
I would get as far as I could from your parents. They are evil to their very soul. I would tell them both to burn in hell and hope they feel good about themselves as they burn.
Also this guy is pissed about all the effort he put into this but she didn’t even ask for it. That kind of martyrdom drives me crazy.
Did he say he met her? I am not seeing it in the opening post. I am seeing an argument friends had with her about him after she accused him of that after listening to their stories, but no actual meeting. Looks more like she made an armchair diagnosis on some one she doesn't know, which any therapist worth their weight in salt would know better than to so that.
He was probably putting on a show until you got married or he thinks the roles are different now. Doubt that will change for the better. Really bad sign that this started so soon after you married. Definitely points to the fact that he was like this before just hiding it. He clearly doesn't see you as an equal and doubt he would change for someone he sees as lesser than himself. In his mind you are his now. And you should serve and be his loyal subordinate. this is only made worse by the red pill shit friends and content his absorbing
Yes, I think she's going to do that. In my eyes it's just a waste of time but he is still important to her. She has always been a very loyal person. That's one of the reasons I value her as a friend.
How do I deal with it without showing her my insecurity and neediness?
By talking it through with other people, as you are doing here. When you're new to relationships insecurity is normal. But excessively unloading that on your partner will not go well for you as you seem to understand, haha.
If things keep going well with her you will grow your trust in her and you'll start to feel more secure. It's also good to remember, there's nothing you can do besides being a good/friendly/thoughtful partner to her. You do not control when or if that trust will develop, so just trust the process and hope you get there! Do not project your insecurity on her, it will not help anything, in fact it could very much hinder the very thing you are trying to work toward.
Pissing with an erection is deliberate. It does not happen involuntarily or as a response to anything but deliberate effort to piss.
that's not crying wolf then? you've become so desensitized to your wife literally mentally breaking down that you call it “the boy who cried wolf”. you're making it kinda very hot to sympathize with you here
Reach out, worst that could happen is he says go away, and you are where you are right now.
My friend, log off for a while. The internet is too dangerous for you.
OP, you wanted a cuddle buddy and bought a puppy. You trained that puppy to sleep in YOUR bed because you wanted cuddles. Your boyfriend made it very clear that the dog IN THE BED is the issue.
You don't have to re-home the dog, you need to stop letting it on the bed. Period.
You have put yourself in a position where you are choosing between a cuddle buddy or a romantic relationship with a person unless you make changes.
Train the dog to sleep in a dog bed. Invite your boyfriend back to his bed. Look online for cuddle pillows, some of them are even heated to help your brain think it's a person. Ask your boyfriend how you can make it up to him.
There are online apps for room layouts.
She could hire someone to come in and work with her on room design/layout.
There are fabric slides you can put under the feet of furniture so it slides on the floor (not carpet obviously).
No is a complete sentence.
Y’all are filling out wedding invites and haven’t talked about kids? You’re not ready.
Just a bit. It just makes me laugh when people act like monogamous people are so oppressed on reddit. I can't find these harassing comments in the original thread but anything suggesting her husband isn't terrible is downvoted, and pretty much every thread about poly is far more anti than pro. It's rather entertaining to watch the vast majority think they're some righteous few. And yeah obnoxious polyvangelists do exist but…
I think it is a sex act but it is hella kind of his lady to like oblige. It would just make you a bad ass wife to him
well you either online without sex, or you find someone you're compatible with.
Also you're not “impure” for wanting a normal, natural thing to want. Did you grow up in a very religious household? Sex is not impure.
If you did grow up in a sexually repressive household, i would venture that may have an impact on his sex drive. Therapy might help in this case.
Explain what your question has to do with what I responded to here, because I don’t get what you mean. It’s a valid question to ask how her husband found out the details of where her friend was. Her friend is not his partner here, she is.
Insomnia can trigger all kinds of mental illness. This could have been anxiety or any other mental illness that causes mania.
Enough sleep deprivation can and will result in psychosis.
If she is struggling that much to sleep, consider melatonin before bed, try a whined down routine to get relaxed and ready for bed.
If she is still struggling to sleep, consider talking to a dr and maybe having a sleep study done.
In the moment, everything feels intense and real and like your world is falling apart. But it really is just the mania talking.
I was in the hospital a few months ago and between the hallucinations from the pain medications and the not sleeping because it’s a hospital, I spent one horrible night thinking the nurses wanted me dead.
But my logical mind knew that it was my lizard brain thinking these things and literally brought up a pros and cons list of why it was in the medical staff’s best interest that I survive and thrive. I sat in the dark between 1am and 6am convincing one half of my mind that it was having crazy thoughts because of the drugs and that it would all be ok.
I’m very thankful that I had the self awareness to be able to recognize the internal psychosis and I was able to ask for help and process it.
But sometimes we don’t recognize it in ourselves. My dad went through something similar, only he went off the rails very hot. They put him on anti-psychotics while he was in the hospital. They had to restrain him to his bed so that he wouldn’t pull out his IVs.
Sleep deprivation is no joke. While my experiences may be completely different from yours, I hope you will take the time to at least check in on sleep quality to see if that can make an improvement.
Sadly, he is not supportive now and will continue the trend after you give birth. Will you be okay with that? Coparenting is always an option. It doesn't sound like he is much of a SO.
Google is what got me here babe.
Tell him. He should be able to decide if he wants to continue the relationship knowing what you did.
Ya know theres such a thing as hackers right?
Well her threats are to leak the pics in student and work groups , and make sure everyone gets that pic.
Anyway we blocked the person