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LoL, suspicious AF.
Comments suggest just a friend that is a girl.
Yes. More than 8-10 is excessive.
Sorry about it, I just hope it's not a case where the guy immediately lost interest as soon as he finally got the dude. Either way, I wouldn't cut out asexuality just yet… as some lies could have been involved too.
Still it's more likely that he just doesn't feel the physical sexual attraction… after so many years on the video call, he might have realized he doesn't get as aroused when in person. Have you tried a long video call again and see if he gets aroused again? Heck, maybe he does…but he's having problems disconnecting the video format with real physical touch. That last one is a bit of hope, but he would have to get some therapy for it…and he doesn't sound that interested.
Good luck.
the truth is you can refuse to be nude around people who make you feel uncomfortable/usafe. you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. it's your body and your boundaries. your friends are a-holes for telling you to just get over your trauma and for pushing your boundaries.
i'd tell them to find their own transport because you're not a taxi.
i don't think it's worth trying to hold onto these friendships tbh.
I think she needs to find someone more compatible. The idea that a partner should wait indefinitely doesn’t jive with reality.
the truth is you can refuse to be very hot around people who make you feel uncomfortable/usafe. you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. it's your body and your boundaries. your friends are a-holes for telling you to just get over your trauma and for pushing your boundaries.
i'd tell them to find their own transport because you're not a taxi.
i don't think it's worth trying to hold onto these friendships tbh.
seriously what is going on the past few days lol. I feel like 95% of posts right now are “me (21) and my partner(38)”.
The line where he says its condoms she provides makes it plenty clear this is a troll. Plus a 'friend' happens to see her car at an exes place? Whats the name of this movie again?
Assume he'll find out eventually and make your decision accordingly.
Just having a conversation with an ex is not cheating in the normal sense of the word, but drop kicking puppies isn't cheating either and I definitely wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who went around kicking puppies.
Depending on the situation, I'd stop hanging out with you. The reason: If that guy had attacked you, you'd have expected your friend to intervene.
Do not sign me up for a fight.
Unless you'd be fine with him watching you get assaulted, you don't enter conflicts with other men while with him.
You are so sweet!!! If you talked to him now you would never know anything was up. He did have to learn to talk again. He is dyslexic and has dysgraphia and dyscalculia BUT he has learned to adapt. He graduated HS with a real diploma and is working until he is old enough to become a cop! I am scared to death but he has the perfect temperament. Very cool and calm, loves everyone, has a servants heart. My husband is retired LEO. He was honoring he would choose another profession but it’s whatever makes him happy!!
Man, I’m worried about you if you really believe this
Uh, you spent a whole night having to tell him “no”. That's jot respecting your consent at all. Your whole post is about him pushing your boundaries.
1) You need to work on your insecurities. Therapy if you can afford it.
2) Unfollow her is the wrong ask. Its controlling. You should say “You following somebody that you used to date just before me makes me uncomfortable. Then allow him to make whatever choices he is going to make. Then judge if you are happy with those choices. If not end the relationship.
3) Don't do this relationship test bull. I didn't want him to do it but I said he could do it. At least be honest. I would rather you not follow her.
4) IF YOU FULLY TRUST HIM WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE?
5) Dear god you have already made this super uncomfortable and overblown I would leave it the hell alone unless you see sus interactions between them. And I don't mean just simple conversation.
It all depends on context – and how he feels – and how he rolls, and I can't really say what that is.
But maybe you could just ask him to say something nice – and real. And it will be kind of cool – and special, to see what he comes up with.
Human garbage; I’m sorry that happened to you.
She's a s**t and ain't worth your time. If you are a glutten for punishment and lacks any self-respect, then pursue her to your own detriment.
I mean…I wouldn't even want to fend them off, lol. I'd just sit there with a big smile and keep a mental record of all the times they tried to purposefully get me to do shit that was purely out of the intent of benefiting themselves rather than helpful advice to help me out.
I'd also wonder how long it would take for them to figure out that I caught onto them being a pair of snakes, haha.
OP's got a real winner of a SIL, though.
To my understanding, OP's brother said he took his name off to protect the father's assets in case he got divorced from the SIL and feared she'd be evil and try to take a part of the assets…and then the SIL law, who apparently is cool with her husband thinking she is the type of awful person that would do that, so it's the right thing for him to take the name off and is all eager to make sure OP does the same, lol.
OP's brother and SIL are snakes alright, but they are also in clown wigs because WTF do they think this is going to look like?
You would be delusional to believe that he got an activation code for his brother.
Sure is. First time I saw it I gave a detailed response. Then I saw it again. And again and again. The Ohio gives it away quickly.
Agreed definitely fake. With anti-trans bills popping up left and right someone thinks they’re funny by trying to spin a this could happen to all the poor cis men if we don’t implement these laws.
OP go find some right wing subreddit to gab on
It seems as if he has a high sex drive and it appears that it isn’t affecting your sex life so I’m not sure what you need to “deal with”
She’s probably on drugs or mentally not capable of being a mom
I know still I’m going to tell you something my dad told me. No one who is sure about you will ever make you feel like they are unsure.
Disengage. Find someone who is sure about you. You deserve nothing less than what you give to other people. You’re giving her more than you get back. It’s a shitty deal. Why would ever allow yourself to accept less than you deserve?
He’s doing the right thing. He didn’t have a good relationship with them ever. Not if they would treat someone he cares about that way. The problem is not that they don’t respect you. It’s that they don’t even respect HIM.
Don’t leave him over this. Even if you did, the problem would still be there. They would still be racist to others and disrespectful and controlling to him.
Even if you left, he could not date anyone else they did not approve of.
I won’t say “you found a good one”, because I don’t know anything else about him. But I will say this is a huge green flag. Don’t feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. You are as valid and beautiful as every other human on the planet. You deserve respect. We all do.
Why try to win back a cheater. She should be the one trying to win you back. Its like putting the victim in jail. This will sound harsh but I am speaking as a friend. Grow a spine and stop cleaning up her mess. “Come pick me up.” “Call AP you are his problem now.”
Sounds like she just wanted you to listen and let her vent. Sometimes people aren't looking for solutions or problem solving, they just want their partner to listen to them.
Your wife already hurt your kids. You know how many adults I have in therapy that have mental stress staying in an abusive home? Your job is to protect yourself but if you wont do that you should be protecting them. Your wife needs to pack a bag NOW. You don’t do counseling with abusers.
You grew up in a violent house and yet you’re subjecting your kids to the same. Where does the cycle end
To answer the title, you don't. Please drop him.
She's being manipulative and controlling. I'd take a step back and reconsider the relationship
If you haven’t made it official then she’s not with you and she can do whatever she wants. Sounds like you’re not together but you’re wanting to be. She hasn’t said she’s dating you exclusively therefore how can trust be broken if you’ve never made it official? This doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well.
It was nude for me to give support when I felt like a ball and chain. And the little I did give I felt was dismissed, either because I was the husband, so of course I was her fan (like my view of her abilities, accomplishments, and strengths were biased and not worth considering), or other times it was like I was saying the wrong things. I know in retrospect I was, because I talked to people that understand her position on certain things, but it sucks that this understanding and communication didn’t come from her.
Anyhow, I was always the more communicative and expressive in our relationship. And I pulled away, so she lost that. I fucked up.
Now that I resolved that for myself, a process that took me a year, and I wanted to work on the marriage.
There’s only so much time in a day you know? Kids, work, personal development, chores, social life. I lost balance and priority. It became a bad routine. For both of us. Too many people here assume that I was not pulling my weight at all. If you think I wasn’t doing enough, you don’t know if she needed a level of 8, and I was at 6 or at a 2. Truth is I don’t know what she needed. We really didn’t talk and it takes two.
Anyway, this whole thread is turning into a hate fest. I fucked up in some ways. In some ways so did she. It takes two to keep a relationship healthy. All I can do and want to do now is do the maximum I can do. Today. And for as long as it takes until it’s definite that she’ll join me and work on the marriage or demand a divorce.
If you have insight to help me improve my relationship, share it. Otherwise go to the gym to find a punching bag. I can beat myself up on my own.
The fact that you think setting boundaries will result in him getting upset is an even bigger red flag.
Its such a long time though, he’s very understanding and kind through all of it, he says he’s fine not doing sex that much – its not a 0 at all, its just rare when my libido springs up, I feel guilty that I can’t fulfill that for him.
4 years seems like a lot of time to throw away, but you know what's even worse? The time has already been wasted and this pile of wasted time will only ever get bigger. He doesn't respect you and clearly displays that “my woman MUST respect and accept what I say, I'm the man of the house” attitude, all possibly without even realizing it. Maybe he was always like this and just hid it until you were trapped being tied to him with a baby, or maybe having become a father just sorta triggered it in him. Who knows? But one thing is for sure: he won't change it unless he's willing to put in the work, and he won't be willing to put in the work if he sees nothing wrong with what he's doing. There's no reason to waste anymore of your life being disrespected like this in the off-chance that a prig might spontaneously discover self-awareness and maybe even the idea that he's not the universe's specialest, most correctest boy.
Have you tried dealing with the underlying issues in therapy?
Get safely out of this ‘relationship’. Saying you shouldn’t be going on dates with other people is ok, or in the bathroom with another guy, but that you can’t ask questions? Oh hell no.
Just move on, you are too young to waste your time with this bullshit.