Ooof. What was there to defend? I didn't know the secret power plays of men. I didn't know my brothers' need for dominance over my partners. I didn't know it wad sick. I just expected my partners to fall in line like me. Just doing as I was told by big brothers. I have since learn to stand up for myself and my partners. No one in my family likes that, well the manipulative side of my family. My healthy siblings agree with my newfound disagreeableness.
The toy and porn definitely ruined her libido and makes it hot for her to enjoy stuff since porn and sex toys create false realities, And gives you leg shaking sex everytime. When in reality leg shaking sex is once in a blue moon.
But honestly just search up about the womens vaginal and where the g spot is and clitoris, also consider reading the book Kama sutra it will help you a lot with different positions in bed.
Your choice lose your sister or get back with your ex. It pretty simple clearly in the comments you want to be with him so bad you don’t really care for your sister opinion because you have already stated in the comments “it’s probably because she never saw the good side” if you want to keep up with thinking go right ahead it won’t get you far. No Redditor can help you your sister gave you and ultimatum and now it’s time to decide which one your willing to lose.
You'll never know if you don't ask. I don't do skinship with people I'm not interested in/dating so I don't know if this is normal for her or if she's dropping hints. Either way, since you already like her, just ask. Know that she might draw back from you if she doesn't feel the same way. But it's on you to get over your feelings if you wanna keep the friendship.
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Is a man sending people caring messages on Reddit and swiping left and right on Tinder equivalent to a woman allowing another man to penetrate her in a hotel room then try to hide it for several months?
Don't pretend you went on tinder looking for penpals. You're just upset that she was more successful on her cheating ?
Why are you having another child with someone you don't get along with? That's ridiculous. Being an only child doesn't hurt someone. But having parents who continue to make really bad decisions together really does hurt children.
I just want to be super clear here. You can have a child with whoever you want for whatever reason you want, as long as it's legal, but you seem to be in a bad relationship and begging for it to get worse.
Usually, religious people who don't believe in sex before marriage don't wait more than 6 months at the most to get married, specifically to avoid situations like this. You've had more than enough time to get to know each other enough to know whether you are compatible, why haven't you gotten married yet?
Nah, he clearly communicated his intentions. She fucked up. You all just need to bend over backwards to blame him for some reason. You should probably ruminate on why that is.
Well. I guess he's not as straight as he presented himself to be.
Right now, you have some reflecting to do. I've seen relationships survive an infidelity, so it's possible if it is something you both want. However, his “discrete bi” admission and his apparent self-loathing is something that, for his own wellbeing as well as that of your relationship moving forward, has to be addressed. Prefferably by a professional. The first step is probably therapy all around.
He is always going to have connection with his ex if they have a child and he obviously hasn’t navigated his true feeling for his ex. Remember it takes two to have a terrible marriage and you will never know absolutely everything because I bet he minimizes the bad things he did, So this has to be dealbreaker because you cannot demand that she never be in his life because of the child and therefore they will always be an emotional connection because of that. And because of that you’ll never fully trust him again and that will eat at you.
It seems your resentment is growing more the more you’re attracted to coworker. Like your minds way of making room for new woman.. yes your gf is far from perfect. Maybe you guys go your separate ways for now
It really sucks, but I'd look into options for breaking the lease. Can you sublet? Can you scrape together the money to break it? 7 months is a looong time to online with someone who's slowly breaking your heart like that. Even if you're not sure what to do, having an exit plan available would help you feel free to make the right decision for you
OP let it go, this is a situation that is not easy to accept for anyone! You are the side piece and would forever be 2nd rate in the family. She will always be the priority for everyone. Your fiance is just in denial of his feelings. They are forever intertwined no matter what you do and say. Please don’t make yourself look like a fool by begging you deserve a man whose ONLY yours! Move on
He actually was disrespectful and not reciprocative. So it’s totally understandable that you feel this way. Ask yourself if you can put up with this kind of behaviour for 50+ years and if it would make you happy. I know I wouldn’t.
Take it as a sample of what's to come if you continue the relationship. She's obviously made some not so smart financial decisions since she has unpaid bills, she's a parent so her priorities are a bit different than yours (I assume you don't have kids since you don't mention this), and being in a relationship or marriage further down the line with someone in this particular situation will inevitably impact you.
Some parents expect their partner to participate 50-50 to the household in general, regardless of the fact that the partner is childless. Or they don't have any support from the father/other parent of their child/children and expect their partner to 'step up' and 'be a real parent'. It's a question of viewpoints and expectations.
You should have a discussion with your girlfriend/partner about these aspects, to avoid discussions or conflicts down the line. You'll at least find out her perspective on the financial aspects and will be able to make an informed decision about how to proceed.
Lol he made it very obvious. His beard was the same, he went to the barber today for a cut therefore the only option as to why he was using his machine in the bathroom would be the pubes. He’s just making it very obvious that he’s going out with the intention to get pussy he isn’t “just going out” that’s why it hurts
If that’s true she could be raising kids (IVF) and be giving care to her husband at the same time. Ouch. OP she/you/as a couple could really use some counseling from people with this type of experience and maybe a support group or two. This is no-kidding the biggest decision she will face in her life.
I just saw your other comments about how the fantasy isn't just this weird gum thing but another woman in general? And he gets mad that you don't wanna act like a teenage couple at work? Hate to say it but he doesn't sound like relationship material. Especially if it's still a new relationship, yall should be in the honeymoon phase not arguing about all these little things.
Actually we never broke up and got back together, we made up and moved passed it, I apologized, he accepted the apology and seemingly forgave me until now where he’s telling me he’s been afraid the whole time. I never considered (and still don’t consider) our relationship to be an abusive one when it was 2 isolated incidents that I have apologized for and felt horrible about. But if he did consider it that, you or I would have never known. I was physically abusive to him in those moments, but the way he is treating me is as if I have never been good to him and have just been abusive this whole time.
We are broken up now to work on ourselves as he has many issues of his own to deal with. I don’t know that we will have any sort of relationship in the future but I am hopeful that if we do it would have the potential to be a healthy one.
Yes she always wanted to move there before we met. Distance will be closed in a few months. I have a lease that I’m in now that I have to finish. So since she moved I’ve been seeing her about once per month but it’s like pulling teeth. I can’t just go as I please because they may be there.
They’re in their late 50s, like 58ish.
When she lived home, we’d spend about 1 day per week because of our schedules. She’d always do something family related, dinner, errands etc with them. So it’s not new. I understand where you may be coming from but no it’s not this weird thing that’s happened all of a sudden
I'm not being nice with my words because you need to really think about this. Take off the rose tinted shades and really ponder on his actions.
You've only been with him for 7 months and he is already jerking off to other girls. Tbh I would go as far as to say he is giving rapey vibes. Did his ff consent to her pictures being jerked off to in this fashion? I would assume not, otherwise he would be dating her right now.
This is embarrassing at this point. Your boyfriend is sitting down with his phone, and editing photos of a non consenting woman onto a hot body to jerk off to. That is disgusting, and shows there is something deeply concerning with his mental state. No normal man would do this. I wouldn't even be friends with someone like this, much less actually date him.
Please think about how this made you feel. How do you know he won't do it again? If anything this is just a lesson to him that he needs to be more careful next time to not get caught.
And why the hell does it matter if his female friend knows or not? He's STILL a cheater !!! It doesn't change the fact that he lied and cheated on you multiple times to your face. Lying by omission is still a lie
I just read this and your pathetic update back to back and the nicest word I can come up with for you is not fit for even Reddit, and that’s saying a LOT about what a gaping, oozing asshole you are. I hope Karma punches you right in the face, hot, with all its rings on.
I've suffered from really bad depersonalization and derealization in the past. It is an awful experience that makes sex the last thing on one's mind, especially cheating with a stranger. That explanation makes no sense to me.
As others have said, crate training is a must. Our dogs would ruin every moment between us if we let them. You need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know how much this is affecting you. If it helps, before we got together my bfs dogs were not crate trained, and honestly they all love their crates. It’s their space, and they get a treat when they go in so they’re always eager to do so.
It's not hot. She told you she doesn't know what she wants. Do you wanna chase after a person that doesn't know what she wants in hopes of making her “see” that she wants you or you want a person that knows they want you?
It's really simple, stick to the facts not magical thinking in your head.
No babe, you just gotta reevaluate your values around sex. guys who say they share your values are apparently judging the crap out of you. You can 100% find someone who CELEBRATES who for who you are. It's gonna be sad and hot but you have to let this guy go first to open urself to that.
Ooof. What was there to defend? I didn't know the secret power plays of men. I didn't know my brothers' need for dominance over my partners. I didn't know it wad sick. I just expected my partners to fall in line like me. Just doing as I was told by big brothers. I have since learn to stand up for myself and my partners. No one in my family likes that, well the manipulative side of my family. My healthy siblings agree with my newfound disagreeableness.
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Jeans tight around the waist will lower sperm count because there are reasons why things hang loose down there.
The toy and porn definitely ruined her libido and makes it hot for her to enjoy stuff since porn and sex toys create false realities, And gives you leg shaking sex everytime. When in reality leg shaking sex is once in a blue moon.
But honestly just search up about the womens vaginal and where the g spot is and clitoris, also consider reading the book Kama sutra it will help you a lot with different positions in bed.
Your choice lose your sister or get back with your ex. It pretty simple clearly in the comments you want to be with him so bad you don’t really care for your sister opinion because you have already stated in the comments “it’s probably because she never saw the good side” if you want to keep up with thinking go right ahead it won’t get you far. No Redditor can help you your sister gave you and ultimatum and now it’s time to decide which one your willing to lose.
You'll never know if you don't ask. I don't do skinship with people I'm not interested in/dating so I don't know if this is normal for her or if she's dropping hints. Either way, since you already like her, just ask. Know that she might draw back from you if she doesn't feel the same way. But it's on you to get over your feelings if you wanna keep the friendship.
Think about it this way, you’re still young and your children are young enough to aclimate easier to a coparenting environment.
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Is a man sending people caring messages on Reddit and swiping left and right on Tinder equivalent to a woman allowing another man to penetrate her in a hotel room then try to hide it for several months?
Don't pretend you went on tinder looking for penpals. You're just upset that she was more successful on her cheating ?
It doesn’t matter if they are there if they aren’t choosing the men. Why can’t you follow this rudimentary logic ?
Why are you having another child with someone you don't get along with? That's ridiculous. Being an only child doesn't hurt someone. But having parents who continue to make really bad decisions together really does hurt children.
I just want to be super clear here. You can have a child with whoever you want for whatever reason you want, as long as it's legal, but you seem to be in a bad relationship and begging for it to get worse.
This is just crazy. She wouldn’t get upset unless she’s hiding something and it sounds like the something is you.
Are you sure she’s not still with her “ex”?
Usually, religious people who don't believe in sex before marriage don't wait more than 6 months at the most to get married, specifically to avoid situations like this. You've had more than enough time to get to know each other enough to know whether you are compatible, why haven't you gotten married yet?
Nah, he clearly communicated his intentions. She fucked up. You all just need to bend over backwards to blame him for some reason. You should probably ruminate on why that is.
Well. I guess he's not as straight as he presented himself to be.
Right now, you have some reflecting to do. I've seen relationships survive an infidelity, so it's possible if it is something you both want. However, his “discrete bi” admission and his apparent self-loathing is something that, for his own wellbeing as well as that of your relationship moving forward, has to be addressed. Prefferably by a professional. The first step is probably therapy all around.
He is always going to have connection with his ex if they have a child and he obviously hasn’t navigated his true feeling for his ex. Remember it takes two to have a terrible marriage and you will never know absolutely everything because I bet he minimizes the bad things he did, So this has to be dealbreaker because you cannot demand that she never be in his life because of the child and therefore they will always be an emotional connection because of that. And because of that you’ll never fully trust him again and that will eat at you.
It seems your resentment is growing more the more you’re attracted to coworker. Like your minds way of making room for new woman.. yes your gf is far from perfect. Maybe you guys go your separate ways for now
Oof, there goes your answer of “what will he do if he gets me pregnant.”
It really sucks, but I'd look into options for breaking the lease. Can you sublet? Can you scrape together the money to break it? 7 months is a looong time to online with someone who's slowly breaking your heart like that. Even if you're not sure what to do, having an exit plan available would help you feel free to make the right decision for you
OP let it go, this is a situation that is not easy to accept for anyone! You are the side piece and would forever be 2nd rate in the family. She will always be the priority for everyone. Your fiance is just in denial of his feelings. They are forever intertwined no matter what you do and say. Please don’t make yourself look like a fool by begging you deserve a man whose ONLY yours! Move on
He actually was disrespectful and not reciprocative. So it’s totally understandable that you feel this way. Ask yourself if you can put up with this kind of behaviour for 50+ years and if it would make you happy. I know I wouldn’t.
This is interesting. I have been told addicts just can’t stop. Saying he cares about it more kind of sounds like I would be gas lighting him?
Godamn massive lost for him I wish more women were like you.
Take it as a sample of what's to come if you continue the relationship. She's obviously made some not so smart financial decisions since she has unpaid bills, she's a parent so her priorities are a bit different than yours (I assume you don't have kids since you don't mention this), and being in a relationship or marriage further down the line with someone in this particular situation will inevitably impact you.
Some parents expect their partner to participate 50-50 to the household in general, regardless of the fact that the partner is childless. Or they don't have any support from the father/other parent of their child/children and expect their partner to 'step up' and 'be a real parent'. It's a question of viewpoints and expectations.
You should have a discussion with your girlfriend/partner about these aspects, to avoid discussions or conflicts down the line. You'll at least find out her perspective on the financial aspects and will be able to make an informed decision about how to proceed.
Lol he made it very obvious. His beard was the same, he went to the barber today for a cut therefore the only option as to why he was using his machine in the bathroom would be the pubes. He’s just making it very obvious that he’s going out with the intention to get pussy he isn’t “just going out” that’s why it hurts
If that’s true she could be raising kids (IVF) and be giving care to her husband at the same time. Ouch. OP she/you/as a couple could really use some counseling from people with this type of experience and maybe a support group or two. This is no-kidding the biggest decision she will face in her life.
Average reddit smoothbrain:
I just saw your other comments about how the fantasy isn't just this weird gum thing but another woman in general? And he gets mad that you don't wanna act like a teenage couple at work? Hate to say it but he doesn't sound like relationship material. Especially if it's still a new relationship, yall should be in the honeymoon phase not arguing about all these little things.
After only six months, you wouldn’t be getting on my insurance and you asking for it would set off all alarms in my head.
Yes, please end it. Your decade younger stbx is much more together than you are.
Actually we never broke up and got back together, we made up and moved passed it, I apologized, he accepted the apology and seemingly forgave me until now where he’s telling me he’s been afraid the whole time. I never considered (and still don’t consider) our relationship to be an abusive one when it was 2 isolated incidents that I have apologized for and felt horrible about. But if he did consider it that, you or I would have never known. I was physically abusive to him in those moments, but the way he is treating me is as if I have never been good to him and have just been abusive this whole time.
We are broken up now to work on ourselves as he has many issues of his own to deal with. I don’t know that we will have any sort of relationship in the future but I am hopeful that if we do it would have the potential to be a healthy one.
Yes she always wanted to move there before we met. Distance will be closed in a few months. I have a lease that I’m in now that I have to finish. So since she moved I’ve been seeing her about once per month but it’s like pulling teeth. I can’t just go as I please because they may be there.
They’re in their late 50s, like 58ish.
When she lived home, we’d spend about 1 day per week because of our schedules. She’d always do something family related, dinner, errands etc with them. So it’s not new. I understand where you may be coming from but no it’s not this weird thing that’s happened all of a sudden
I'm not being nice with my words because you need to really think about this. Take off the rose tinted shades and really ponder on his actions.
You've only been with him for 7 months and he is already jerking off to other girls. Tbh I would go as far as to say he is giving rapey vibes. Did his ff consent to her pictures being jerked off to in this fashion? I would assume not, otherwise he would be dating her right now.
This is embarrassing at this point. Your boyfriend is sitting down with his phone, and editing photos of a non consenting woman onto a hot body to jerk off to. That is disgusting, and shows there is something deeply concerning with his mental state. No normal man would do this. I wouldn't even be friends with someone like this, much less actually date him.
Please think about how this made you feel. How do you know he won't do it again? If anything this is just a lesson to him that he needs to be more careful next time to not get caught.
And why the hell does it matter if his female friend knows or not? He's STILL a cheater !!! It doesn't change the fact that he lied and cheated on you multiple times to your face. Lying by omission is still a lie
Wake up and smell the coffee OP.
Run. This guy thinks you are a flesh light. Are you medically cleared to be having sex right now?
I just read this and your pathetic update back to back and the nicest word I can come up with for you is not fit for even Reddit, and that’s saying a LOT about what a gaping, oozing asshole you are. I hope Karma punches you right in the face, hot, with all its rings on.
(Just fyi, “fiancée” is the female word, “fiancé” is the male word.)
He doesn't drink often.
Sure, go and drop it in a goodwill box, but do it, the sooner the better.
I've suffered from really bad depersonalization and derealization in the past. It is an awful experience that makes sex the last thing on one's mind, especially cheating with a stranger. That explanation makes no sense to me.
It means don’t date him.
He’s looking to settle and given up. Life is not going to work out well for him.
As others have said, crate training is a must. Our dogs would ruin every moment between us if we let them. You need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know how much this is affecting you. If it helps, before we got together my bfs dogs were not crate trained, and honestly they all love their crates. It’s their space, and they get a treat when they go in so they’re always eager to do so.
A 50 year old is not a baby boomer.. they are Gen X..
It's not hot. She told you she doesn't know what she wants. Do you wanna chase after a person that doesn't know what she wants in hopes of making her “see” that she wants you or you want a person that knows they want you?
It's really simple, stick to the facts not magical thinking in your head.
He's a player. Enjoy it, but don't get attached and make sure you're on the pill.
No babe, you just gotta reevaluate your values around sex. guys who say they share your values are apparently judging the crap out of you. You can 100% find someone who CELEBRATES who for who you are. It's gonna be sad and hot but you have to let this guy go first to open urself to that.
Not great advice but very true.