I love this answer. I can respect the perspective hear. I'm hear to learn. This does enlighten me. She does not ask me to come visit, but she does enjoy when I come in. (Her words). I do tip her, it doesn't seem to matter? And, from previous conversations, if I don't visit it seems to make her feel I'm not committed as much.
I'm.not quite sure what you are saying you don't understand about their friendship.
I'm just having trouble understanding the dynamic of their relationship. How could you just have sex with someone with no feelings or anything else attached? How does that affect your future friendship? I just don't see how you could do that when you don't have feelings. But I am trying to learn/understand it so I can see things from her shoes, and that I stop feeling so insecure
I’m sorry but I just don’t get it. “I would hypothetically be down if you were” just doesn’t seem like it should be a massive relationship ender for a solid, healthy relationship.
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You separate and pursue your own lives. You got together very young, you are both growing and in different directions. It is what happens. With a first love it is always hardest
Her parents are extremely controlling to the point of treating her like a child. They turn off the Wi-Fi at 10pm and doesn’t let her got out past her “curfew” which is why I don’t really know how much I’ll see her. I saw her a lot in school but now we don’t have any classes or school days together since she does all live. I couldn’t go to her house (which she pays for) because her mom wouldn’t allow it.
We were on the phone today and I brought up how much we possibly wouldn’t see eachother. And she responded with “we can schedule for the weekends” and it really bothered me because 4 hours for 2 days just irked me. I would love to see her daily or all the time. We’ve already discussed moving together possibly. I don’t have a problem with her doing anything with her friends or having a job or anything like that. She can have her own life it just feels so shitty that I’m probably not even going to see her weekly.
I meant she doesn’t feel the same way towards me in a sense where she isn’t attached to me like I am her. And that’s fine and healthy but it also makes me feel unwanted at some points.
He is destroying your self esteem. He knows that he doesn't deserve to be loved so he's putting you down constantly, making you feel unworthy, making you feel crazy.. because he needs to destroy you in order to be in control. So that you can't leave him. If you try to leave he gets mad, make you feel like you are nothing. Then if you really leave him, he will become the best person in the world, he becomes so nice and sweet like a little child and you just don't have the heart to leave but also your brain can't understand what is happening. Are you worthless or are you the best thing that ever happened to him.. Are you most amazing girl ever or are you inexperienced or not compatible with the idiot..
Don't let him tell you who you are! Him telling you that you are inexperienced, this or that is making you feel that you are really inexperienced so you'll not leave him. Subconsciously you feel nobody will want to be with you, you don't have experience, you are insecure if you'll find someone else with your lack of experience but he's the one that accepts you as you are, being inexperienced. He'll not leave you, he's just putting you down so ignore when idiot tells you how you feel or who you are! It's just his bullshit so don't question yourself!
Of course you have a need to express yourself because his accusations are crazy, not real, totally stupid and wrong. It's so easy for you to explain to the idiot that he's wrong!
And that's the purpose of his accusations. He knows they are not real, whatever you told him about yourself when you met him, he is using that against you, he's throwing those accusations at you to confuse you, make you react, make you fight him.. he wants that. If you defend yourself from his stupidity then he can argue in circles, deflect completely from the original subject (calling and seeing eachother)… At the end of arguing he'll give you a silent treatment, you'll feel like you hurt him, he is ignoring you because you did something wrong. Your natural reaction is to talk, explain yourself, make him understand but he's not talking to you now! In order to explain yourself after the arguments, you'll be apologizing to him, you'll feel bad for responding to his nonsense, you'll be a bad guy because you said something when he provoked you and make you mad… He'll be kind, understanding, loving, so sweet to you and say let's forget the fight, let's move forward, it doesn't matter what was the argument all about… You'll feel “loved” after being “hated”, you will feel much better, you will forget the abuse and feel lucky, be happy for being loved by your ABUSER!
So, don't ever wrestle with a pig! You'll get dirty and the pig will love it! You don't need to defend yourself! You should know who you are! You should know what you want! He can't tell you those things, don't let him question your reality!
Anyway, you can't win with him, you can't explain anything to him… Only thing you can do is to LEAVE HIM or stay in up and down (trauma bond) abusive relationship!
Others before you abandoned him, you have to do the same! His ex is probably crazy, you'll also be crazy… It's okay, he's calling smart people that escaped his abuse crazy but in reality he's the crazy one!
It's so naked to see what's really going on when you are abused, manipulated and confused. Your brain and your heart are not on the same page so you can believe in love, you truly love him…but you don't feel loved. You feel loved and hated so that translates into being miserable.
Love and hate don't go together! That's not love, that not healthy… that's crazy!
Do you think he can change for the better or is he doing anything at all.right.now to.change?. If.you dont see.anything then I suggest to leave. You are under 25, you can restart your life.
:’) I appreciate you taking the time to help me out with this. I’m working through the embarrassment in therapy and decided that I’m not drinking until my own birthday in April. We’re going to mediate this with my therapist later this week but you gave me a lot of perspective thank you so much
Why is he acting that way? Because he’s a cheater and not a good person.
I’d suggest that you completely stop flirting with him, let him know that you absolutely won’t be having sex with him, and back off the friendship. The fact that he “set a date” for you to hook up without your consent is worrying. Keep your wits about you if you’re around him in person, and don’t drink alcohol or leave your drink anywhere near him. I wish you well.
I did give the full story. I just told him that it's a game and to relax. Then he did all of that…he also later told me that he will always love his ex and that when he gets the chance he will get back with her…but, he wants to be friends with me ahah. I can't believe who I used to date. This all just seems like a joke now.
My number one rule is to never get involved in people’s marriages no matter what. I can understand the compulsion to given it’s her parents, but it happened so long ago I’d personally just bring it up to the mom and to talk it through. People can bring up morality all day long, but the moral choice is not always the best choice. Honestly, it’s selfish for OP to tell bc the only purpose it serves would to absolve her own feelings.
Are you able to give an example of what you mean?
It only takes one.
I truly want to. It’s the type of thing that when seeing people get engaged it reminds me how much I want that and I’m so excited for that special day
she should be on her period
I love this answer. I can respect the perspective hear. I'm hear to learn. This does enlighten me. She does not ask me to come visit, but she does enjoy when I come in. (Her words). I do tip her, it doesn't seem to matter? And, from previous conversations, if I don't visit it seems to make her feel I'm not committed as much.
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I'm.not quite sure what you are saying you don't understand about their friendship.
I'm just having trouble understanding the dynamic of their relationship. How could you just have sex with someone with no feelings or anything else attached? How does that affect your future friendship? I just don't see how you could do that when you don't have feelings. But I am trying to learn/understand it so I can see things from her shoes, and that I stop feeling so insecure
You broke your bond with this person for a reason.
Now you are asking a bunch of strangers if you should expose yourself
to this shit again?
Any reason why anybody should take your post seriously? Thoughts?
I’m sorry but I just don’t get it. “I would hypothetically be down if you were” just doesn’t seem like it should be a massive relationship ender for a solid, healthy relationship.
Hello /u/Willing-Jellyfish623,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
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You separate and pursue your own lives. You got together very young, you are both growing and in different directions. It is what happens. With a first love it is always hardest
Her parents are extremely controlling to the point of treating her like a child. They turn off the Wi-Fi at 10pm and doesn’t let her got out past her “curfew” which is why I don’t really know how much I’ll see her. I saw her a lot in school but now we don’t have any classes or school days together since she does all live. I couldn’t go to her house (which she pays for) because her mom wouldn’t allow it.
We were on the phone today and I brought up how much we possibly wouldn’t see eachother. And she responded with “we can schedule for the weekends” and it really bothered me because 4 hours for 2 days just irked me. I would love to see her daily or all the time. We’ve already discussed moving together possibly. I don’t have a problem with her doing anything with her friends or having a job or anything like that. She can have her own life it just feels so shitty that I’m probably not even going to see her weekly.
I meant she doesn’t feel the same way towards me in a sense where she isn’t attached to me like I am her. And that’s fine and healthy but it also makes me feel unwanted at some points.
He is destroying your self esteem. He knows that he doesn't deserve to be loved so he's putting you down constantly, making you feel unworthy, making you feel crazy.. because he needs to destroy you in order to be in control. So that you can't leave him. If you try to leave he gets mad, make you feel like you are nothing. Then if you really leave him, he will become the best person in the world, he becomes so nice and sweet like a little child and you just don't have the heart to leave but also your brain can't understand what is happening. Are you worthless or are you the best thing that ever happened to him.. Are you most amazing girl ever or are you inexperienced or not compatible with the idiot..
Don't let him tell you who you are! Him telling you that you are inexperienced, this or that is making you feel that you are really inexperienced so you'll not leave him. Subconsciously you feel nobody will want to be with you, you don't have experience, you are insecure if you'll find someone else with your lack of experience but he's the one that accepts you as you are, being inexperienced. He'll not leave you, he's just putting you down so ignore when idiot tells you how you feel or who you are! It's just his bullshit so don't question yourself!
Of course you have a need to express yourself because his accusations are crazy, not real, totally stupid and wrong. It's so easy for you to explain to the idiot that he's wrong!
And that's the purpose of his accusations. He knows they are not real, whatever you told him about yourself when you met him, he is using that against you, he's throwing those accusations at you to confuse you, make you react, make you fight him.. he wants that. If you defend yourself from his stupidity then he can argue in circles, deflect completely from the original subject (calling and seeing eachother)… At the end of arguing he'll give you a silent treatment, you'll feel like you hurt him, he is ignoring you because you did something wrong. Your natural reaction is to talk, explain yourself, make him understand but he's not talking to you now! In order to explain yourself after the arguments, you'll be apologizing to him, you'll feel bad for responding to his nonsense, you'll be a bad guy because you said something when he provoked you and make you mad… He'll be kind, understanding, loving, so sweet to you and say let's forget the fight, let's move forward, it doesn't matter what was the argument all about… You'll feel “loved” after being “hated”, you will feel much better, you will forget the abuse and feel lucky, be happy for being loved by your ABUSER!
So, don't ever wrestle with a pig! You'll get dirty and the pig will love it! You don't need to defend yourself! You should know who you are! You should know what you want! He can't tell you those things, don't let him question your reality!
Anyway, you can't win with him, you can't explain anything to him… Only thing you can do is to LEAVE HIM or stay in up and down (trauma bond) abusive relationship!
Others before you abandoned him, you have to do the same! His ex is probably crazy, you'll also be crazy… It's okay, he's calling smart people that escaped his abuse crazy but in reality he's the crazy one!
It's so naked to see what's really going on when you are abused, manipulated and confused. Your brain and your heart are not on the same page so you can believe in love, you truly love him…but you don't feel loved. You feel loved and hated so that translates into being miserable.
Love and hate don't go together! That's not love, that not healthy… that's crazy!
Do you think he can change for the better or is he doing anything at all.right.now to.change?. If.you dont see.anything then I suggest to leave. You are under 25, you can restart your life.
A big two mistakes.
:’) I appreciate you taking the time to help me out with this. I’m working through the embarrassment in therapy and decided that I’m not drinking until my own birthday in April. We’re going to mediate this with my therapist later this week but you gave me a lot of perspective thank you so much
Why is he acting that way? Because he’s a cheater and not a good person.
I’d suggest that you completely stop flirting with him, let him know that you absolutely won’t be having sex with him, and back off the friendship. The fact that he “set a date” for you to hook up without your consent is worrying. Keep your wits about you if you’re around him in person, and don’t drink alcohol or leave your drink anywhere near him. I wish you well.
You are out of line. Also, what's the legal drinking age in your country?
Love the ultimatum after 3 weeks. Only going to get more extreme from here..
Why wouldn’t your family help you, at least temporarily?
I did give the full story. I just told him that it's a game and to relax. Then he did all of that…he also later told me that he will always love his ex and that when he gets the chance he will get back with her…but, he wants to be friends with me ahah. I can't believe who I used to date. This all just seems like a joke now.
Clorox wipes smell weird. I’m betting she had some other issue that causes her to need to leave or perhaps she’s used to the lemon scented ones.
My number one rule is to never get involved in people’s marriages no matter what. I can understand the compulsion to given it’s her parents, but it happened so long ago I’d personally just bring it up to the mom and to talk it through. People can bring up morality all day long, but the moral choice is not always the best choice. Honestly, it’s selfish for OP to tell bc the only purpose it serves would to absolve her own feelings.
I can see myself doing this… when I was 20 and believed the world was a safe backyard. Wth was she thinking, honestly?