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Maybe offer to meet somewhere public and get to know her more? Like this can go a few ways: 1) become fwb or start a relationship and that can eithe blossom nicely or become uncomfortable and require leaving your house. 2) if you decline to start something, she could either end up creeping on you and coming onto while living there or be a simply respectful human being and this could be something you joke about later on.
Pretty much it’s a risk that things could be neutral, fun, or a hinderance
That has been a concern of mine, however she was unaware of this situation and came to me saying that my ex girlfriend had been in contact with her- we have no mutual friends so there was no way for her to know about this and make it up.
You shouldn't post in relationship advice then. Post in r/trueoffmychest
Its a bad habit. Better stop doing it and you will not have to worry about it.
We planned on living there for a year while renting out the other rooms. Afterwards, we would rent out the whole place and earn about $1,000/month in cash flow. But I agree I’ve probably made a mistake..
My sister had this happen, for 2 years wished she had given it up for adoption, now loves her daughter. I took full custody after my wife cheated after he was born, been very hot as hell. No help, no time to get anything done, and I wouldn't change it. I'd change his mother to a faithful girl, same as you if you could, but Jr is my world. Leave him. Get ready either way, it's the deepest cut that never heals
Leave now. When you can use the word hate to describe your partner its time to end things. Its what's best for you all in the longrun especially your child . None of your reasons are wrong. Go and let her find someone more suited to herself and the lifestyle she chooses. Just as you prefer a lower body weight she may find no issue at all with her weight. Just do it now before you become resentful and end up treating eachother badly. I say this with the experience as a child who grew up with unhappy parents and also as a mother who has in the last year become single. My ex didn't like a heavier woman either but I needed to want to fix that for myself and not for him. After having a baby our bodies and our spirits aren't the same. We need time to love ourselves again because we give so much of ourselves as mothers. Now I'm at the age of 40 back in education and the gym . 2 stone lighter and on the way to a new career that I know will bring me fulfillment. I've never been happier than right now. I Dont feel that even if she lost the weight or got a new career that you'd be able to get past her deceiving you about the contraceptive thing. Hate is a strong emotion and if you feel it there's no going back. If you do leave Don't do it this side of Xmas or the new year. Best of luck
Gender is irrelevant here. Exclusive relationship means those people don't get sexy with anyone else, regardless of gender or sex.
Even saying “girl cheating with girl doesn't count” seems lessening the worth of the girl she cheated with… Like,girls don't count or what? Also, try reversing the genders in it: boyfriend cheated on his gf with another boy, so it shouldn't count. Wut?
I spent a good 5 minutes trying to think of literally any other option moving forward besides simply ignoring the people around her I don't normally like to tell people not to post but like….truly think about how simple the approach is here
You keep giving her a letter a she won’t read it? Anyone else find that weird?
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You're projecting and probably sound like a controlling douchebag for this. If this is not the girl w the same interests and hobbies as you, you can't force it. JFC.
He's not boosting your self-esteem? You want him to initiate, he's obviously very unsure of how to do this. He's trying but not very confident in it and you're response is that it's not good enough for you and not boosting your self-esteem. Maybe try boosting HIS self-esteem by encouraging, engaging, and a bit of guiding. This is your opportunity to teach and get the sex you want. The anxiety and pressure you create is likely causing his ED.
“Sometimes she spends the whole night with him and some of her other friends. ” I still haven't told her that I know she used to kinda cheated with her ex when she used to send the Co-worker nudes while still in a relationship
Get some self respect and find someone else.
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You may not want him in 6 years and vice versa. You’re at the age where you’re still discovering yourselves and building who you are. You will be different people in a different stage in life. Don’t rush the marriage thing especially if you are not wanting kids in the next 6 years. It would be a mistake to commit to marriage with someone that doesn’t even know themself and you don’t know who you are committing to.
You may not want him in 6 years and vice versa. You’re at the age where you’re still discovering yourselves and building who you are. You will be different people in a different stage in life. Don’t rush the marriage thing especially if you are not wanting kids in the next 6 years. It would be a mistake to commit to marriage with someone that doesn’t even know themself and you don’t know who you are committing to.
He sounds immature… but also idk if it’s as extreme as you’re making it out to be. When I was on a dating app I had my max age set to 30. There are thousands of people on apps and it’s just a filter like anything else. Does that mean if I met someone over 30 irl that it would be a problem? No. Meeting irl is a totally different experience.
For comparison, I also had my profile set to match with people who had no kids. Does that mean if I met a guy irl with a kid that it would be an immediate no? No, not if he treated me well and was a good father. Another example, I also had my distance set really low, like 15 mile radius. Does that mean if I met someone who lived further than that from me that I’d be out? Again, no.
Just my two cents even though this seems to be the unpopular opinion across the comments.
she is basically love bombing you to stay with her
You're not leaving over flowers, you're leaving because he's selfish, inconsiderate, and routinely demonstrates he doesn't place much value or attention on you or your feelings. This guy sounds awful. Do good relationships sometimes take work? Sure. Do they require this level of constant stress, disappointment, and resentment? Absolutely not.
That must be so very hot on you. Having to revert your healing and then have your heart shattered again. I'm so sorry ? And thank you, I'm in a really good spot. I just gotta ride out the waves now. I'm actually traveling to Japan finally in March I've been meaning to go since I've studied the language for 3.5 years.
Definitely don't want to fix it! Learning to enjoy being alone will be the hardest part
The difference is that alcohol has many harmful effects and can kill you. There are zero negative effects to jerking off (you can argue that porn is bad, but op said in the comments that he would be willing to stop watching it, and he just needs to jerk off). It also isn't interfering with the rest of his day. He isn't spending hours in his room masturbating or skipping other activities to do it. So what's the issue with it?
Have you look into yourself and try to understand what made you do it?. Imagine if it wasnt a scam, you would have cheated for sure rn.
Internally, out of your own volition, what actions have you done to make sure you dont be tempted to do that again?. Im not talking about live!, what if you are on a trip or at a bar and a woman propositioned you for sex?. How do you know that you will not take the plunge?. This is internal. Its within you. If you dont solve it, next time you are going to fall.
it’s 10am, he’s still not back. all attempts to sleep have failed and i’ve developed a huge migraine
Let me get this straight. Jacob is 39 and Ellie is 21? Wow. Sounds like Jacob is a serious groomer. Your sister needs to kick him out of the garage apartment and stop making things easy for him. Sounds like he has zero consequences for his shitty behavior.
If he's so committed to you, why on earth is he seeking women out?
Maybe his ex LEFT HIM BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE CHEATING and has been painting himself THE VICTIM THIS WHOLE TIME HES BEEN WITH YOU.
Confront him. And if he acts like you are the one who is crazy, BREAK UP. Don't put up with the BS.
I don’t think you should be the one making apologies, she was being a condescending jealous bitch, you just called her out.
Setting yourself age goals puts yourself under way too much pressure if you’re already feeling like this. Life doesn’t suddenly change at 30, things happen when they happen, and you often find that partners and opportunities come along when you least expect it. Just try to enjoy life for what it is now and the rest will come later.
Lots of people aren’t having kids until mid-late 30s these days anyway. I’m 30 and kids aren’t even on my radar right now. Plus, 4 years is plenty of time even if you are set on getting it done before then. Just don’t feel like you have to rush yourself, enjoy your life as an independent person while you can.
Hugeee red flag, I would gtfo honestly
Then there goes your answer. He's not trying to deal with the same thing all over again.
Thank you, I think I’m realizing that. I appreciate this though. Sometimes we need to see/hear it to get it
Let her talk. Let her cry. Don't try to fix anything. Ask how you can help. Don't be afraid to tell her you don't know what to say or do. Do what you can to help the family- offer to drive to the funeral home to make plans. Walk the dog. Let her be alone and with the rest of her family without you also. That doesn't mean she doesn't want you, but at this moment she may want to just be with her mother and sister.
Haha I also thought it was a BS excuse but he’s actually taking the steps to focus on faith more- going to church more often, spending more time with his religious family, praying, volunteering at church functions.
We've been friends for almost 20 years, so just blocking and going no contact feels a bit cowardly and somewhat inappropriate. We had never spent heaps of time together in a stretch or had to follow through on an agreement before. Unfortunately I really thought she was someone different, and at face value, “drinking buddy” relationship depth she is very nice. I could have maybe gotten passed it and stayed “drinking buddy” level with her until I found out about the dinner party and her calling my mother. I mean, who the hell does that. That just breaks so many boundaries I don't know where to even start.
Allowing him to apply a 2″ sticker to a non-visible location is bad? I should stop him from making his boss feel accepted?
It's the little things in life.
You've likely never lead a multi-departmental team of 100+, but sometimes consolations or exceptions have to be made. There is ALWAYS extenuating circumstances.
Coming down on my guy for putting a 2 inch stick on my radio is NOT the right thing to do.
FOR CLARIFICATION: he did not do so without my permission
There are 4 star resorts right next door to 5 star resorts and the only difference is one is a little fancier. It’s not a difference in safety.
Your relationship is with your daughter. He does not have to be there.
How about throw her out at the same time? I understand it’s difficult and you have feelings, but if you feel that about the toy, you’re probably going to have the same feeling about her vagina.
I know. I’m just clarifying it for people that think the mom is not okay with all of this. We’re going to go about it legally and my daughter will formally be in my custody
Or anal
Getting back together sounds like a terrible idea from what you have said. Move on.
We talked about having one in the future but didn’t expect it. We got in a car accident in January 2022 and when she went to get a X-ray for a head injury they stopped and preceded to tell her she was pregnant from the blood work results
You're entitled to change these terms about your visits. Don't worry if she's offended, if she's a real friend she'll get over it.
The issue is there wasn’t communication. She can still treat him with gifts, time, homemade things, etc. but if I were a MULTIMILLIONAIRE I wouldn’t let my partner who makes 800x less than me and is barely above the poverty level buy my food
So, for the record, you are allowed to just prefer not to have sex with people who have vaginas. That is a completely fine line to draw, your preferences are valid. And while your boyfriend was probably legitimately nervous and disclosing can be very hot, it's also hard on you to find out your boyfriend has a completely different setup down there than you were expecting. If you think it through and can't bring yourself to want sex with him, it's ok to simply decline it entirely, or even to split up.
That said, speaking as a trans person myself, it may be worth questioning why you feel a straight woman having sex with a man wouldn't be, yknow, straight? It does sound like at least some of your preference here is rooted in fundamentally kind of…. attaching your sexual identity to liking dicks exclusively? You may be more flexible than you realize.
Also also, even if he does have bottom surgery, I will warn you his dick is… unlikely to work exactly like a cis man's. You may also be a long time waiting, and it sounds like you do want to do sexual things, even if you're willing to postpone them. In the mean time, have you discussed what you are actually comfortable doing sexually? Penetration isn't the only option, and his genitals don't necessarily have to be involved. There are toys, there are dildos, there are mouths – and while some trans men might want to have their vaginas played with, some will actively prefer you don't, and/or get a lot out of, say, using a silicone dick. Don't assume that just because he has similar parts they work the same for him, both psychologically and physically – I assume he's been on hormones, if he's 18 and you dated for that long without realizing he's trans, that will very much change how his genitalia WORKS.
Damn. When mom was alive, I lived 756-ish miles from her, but it was only a few states away (she was in New Mexico and I'm in Kansas). When I moved to this city, it was 125 mile drive from my old town and both are in Kansas.
Can't imagine being able to drive 200 miles and be halfway across the country.
Honestly, the fact that he slept with her while you were broken up should be enough for you to know he doesn’t care about you. This relationship sounds horrible for you, honestly. If she was always trying to get you guys to break up, and the second you do he SLEEPS WITH HER, that’s just an insane level of disrespect that nobody should tolerate honestly.
I would introduce her to other medical spouses / partners. My husbands military, and no one understands or is more supportive of the difficulties of being a military spouse than other military spouses. I suspect no one understands the difficulties of dating a doctor than other doctors spouses.
It may be good to explain your medical training in terms of when you’ll be doing what. Like if youre in a 3 year residency am I right thinking it’s 5 years? You may need to explain what that looks like. When do you have breaks between academic sprints? When can you take a break and prioritise her (I trained in another profession where we’d have gaps between exams and starting the next study period where I’d be actually present during my off hours for example).
If she’s feeling neglected you will need to find time to prioritise this relationship or risk losing it. It doesn’t have to be day to day though. Is there the space to take a week or two for holiday for example where you’re not in call and not studying full time, and can spend some quality time together doing activities or exploring a new place? If so I’d make a date and let her plan it.
Seems like he’s good with the relationship as long as there’s no effort from him. Plus, he’s probably thinking you won’t be intimate at your moms. The fact that he never picks you up or drops you off is sucky too. Does he plan dates for you?
Sounds like she needs to contact her doctor a out her meds.
She's lucky to not be in corporate world herself. She'd be the type to happily overwork herself for her colleagues' sake who'll manipulate her as “we're family, so can I entrust you with this little bit of problem, pretty please??” While simultaneously not getting any promotion because those same people will take the credit. All the while she thinks she's doing nothing wrong, not to herself or anyone else.
Also, he was snapping because I always cry when he answers my questions honestly. He says it wasn't going to help me. That's why he gets mad. I'm not defending him. I just know his character. This isn't it. It's like when it happened, he shut down from shame.
Physically I would say no, however due to our conversations and wanting to talk alll the time I would say it’s kinda messing with me emotionally
Bro, I’m going to sum up everything that can be said. Break up with her, mourn the loss, then find a new chick.
Why do you think she needs to agree to anything. All it takes to separate is one person. She has no say in the matter if you've made the decision already. Get a lawyer and start the process.
Is she in any kind of therapy or taking medication for her bpd?? My step-son’s mom has a similar disorder, well we all think so anyway, she’s never been officially diagnosed or treated. But it’s awful. It prevents her from being a good person and unfortunately her son is the victim in her situation. I’m not sure what treatment options are available, but I would really recommend it for her before it gets worse and she ruins really important relationships.
If you’ve changed his life that much he’ll do long distance or move with you.
What has he done for you? He doesn’t even support your career. Do not let this man hold you back.
Proportionally if tight, evenly when not.
You lash out at your boyfriend. Wait until later that night to send an apology via TEXT. If you’re going to wait to apologize, at least have the maturity to TALK to him and not do it over text. Then you text him again in the middle of the night. Then you’re upset because he’s not calling you for your “4 hour phone calls.” Here’s your advice. Act like an adult. Stress is a part of life – learn to deal with it. When you screw up, apologize in a timely fashion, preferably in person, or at least via phone conversation. Don’t text people in the middle of the night.
Yes, it seems as if she’s more into women
You are a faucet for his sexual urges, keep it clean lady.
What is going on with you kid?
What is so important about the attention you get from a man 25 years older? Can’t you get the same attention from someone your age?
That man’s marriage could end and you’re worried about cutting contact “with your friend”? He’s not your friend, he wants to bone a 25 yo, if he hadn’t already is probably because no other 25yo would be caught dead dating him. That’s his business, not yours, but you are complicit in this if you keep pretending he’s not interested. He obviously is interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t be writing you poems, he would be paying attention to his wife and cutting contact with you, because if he’s such a good person, you would mean absolutely nothing to him, therefore cutting contact with you would be the simplest thing in the world.
I appreciate this explanation so much, I've been saying similar to my partner, that I'm tired of specialists that only seem to focus on one thing. Like, I get why they specialize but I feel like I can't bring up any other systemic issues as they'll be ignored or they shrug and say they will give me a referral to someone else. I still do of course, to self advocate the best I can.
I've been having vascular issues in my leg (superficial clot followed by vericose veins, inflammation, then I had vein schlerotherapy, now more inflammation etc) and back issues (stenosis and a slight disk bulge, which results in sciatica type pain and leg pain down the same leg as my vein issues). I can't tell which is which sometimes. I see specialists for both but it's been a massive slog of appointments to get anything done. A nerve blocker finally seemed to help my back after two years of nearly constant pain. As with any chronic issue it makes you feel like you're losing your damn mind. I'm sure you can relate! I have two friends with PCOS (and one of them has endo too) and it has been years of appointments to get answers.
Is going to an internal medicine doc the best route here sometimes??
If she was a “friend” then I'm allowed to be candid with her. As such her initial reaction would have prompted me to point out that the child in the video is the same age as her child ??♀️