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Ahhh yes, definitely OP should keep records of everything she found! Good call!
In fact, she should keep multiple copies of everything in different places just in case he finds it somewhere and tries to destroy the evidence.
DO NOT, take anything from him NOR agree to meet him anywhere or invite him to your house!
He is clearly obsessed with you and will mostly likely harm you if you willingly come in contact with him.
Block him, report him, and tell EVERYONE, including your job about him.
Very soft guy – good for him, all that, BUT – do YOU want to be in a relationship where you are not allowed to have a say over your appearance or do basic grooming the way you like it? Also, does he get haircuts? Does he get your approval before getting one?
Obviously tell your husband. You’re literally cheating on him you scumbag
This sounds like a lot of drama and bullying. I only really feel sorry for Sam, who deserves better friends than this.
Then you don’t have a friend you have a person you keep around who is jealous and controlling
i think this is an genuine attempt at being thoughtful since you work on cars. you don’t need to wait for aaa now.
What the fuck did I just read
It's okay to communicate your needs and or concerns. The best way to do so is some form of neutral conversation where you try not to use loaded language or come off as blaming them. Even if it feels like they always do X or if something is their fault.
Based on the way you wrote your post. It's clear that he is operating under some assumptions. If you haven't clarified your position with him then he may not understand your intentions. Especially if the issues that caused you to break up with him are not resolved.
We get lonely and we all have sexual needs and desires. This is just my opinion, others may feel different, however I do not believe these are valid reasons to get back together with an ex. I've had NSA sex with an ex after a breakup, where she bluntly stated, this will not change anything.
So imagine my surprise when she was mad at me weeks later because she failed to communicate otherwise. I'm not really sure if it was manipulation just because our divorce was not very pleasant or if it was some form of buyers remorse due to her being lonely. She is the one that ended things originally, I had just gotten to a place where I realized none of the issues I had with her in our relationship were going to change and that this was my opportunity to be happier. So when push came to shove, I continued on with the divorce. That NSA sex had many strings attached to it, I knew better but didn't have the self control I needed.
Never do or feel forced to do something you are not comfortable doing.
I moved in w an ex and about a year later, I asked her to move out. Why? Bc she wasn't meeting my needs and wasn't allowing me the space I need to get certain goals in my life done (graduating college while working one full time and one part time job). But, I also wasn't filling her needs of needing more time and attention from me. We eventually broke up. I think you two are not compatible, or at least not while you're both living at your moms. Let him move out, see if the relationship gets better or you get broken up w and work on yourself regardless.
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Lol she’s clearly showing signs of depression and his solution is to divorce her. He doesn’t give a fuck about her
That quote and the way he described her postponing the abortion makes me think he was visibly uncomfortable and upset, not that he was being negative towards her. And that was one instance, that we know of, that he was outwardly negative in any way that could be considered “guilt tripping.” I really just see it as her not wanting the pregnancy to go on, which is fair and her choice, and OP understandably being upset with his life path being shattered.
Now if there is stuff OP isn't telling us, that's a whole different story
You don't discuss anything, he doesn't care about your feelings so you break up with him. He knew exactly what he was doing and love bombed you so you will put up with his shit behaviour because you're waiting for the tiny glimpses of kindness. This shit behaviour will just get worse.
I'm just here to tell you I agree, over 90% of my male friends hit on me eventually, usually when I was single. Funny how that guy wasn't able to answer your pretty simple question. Sincerely, a woman who sometimes has blue hair
Okay
She slept around BEFORE y’all were together. You cheated on your gf
If she don't love you then there's nothing you can do to get her back. She's moving on, and if you don't, you're just gonna turn her off more by looking possessive and stalkerish. Don't be that guy.
She's your first love. That doesn't mean she's your true or final love. And if she's already made her decision that you're not that for her either, then there is pretty much only heartbreak in your future…
… or a restraining order if she starts to feel threatened.
Your now ex girlfriend absolutely did the right thing. You did this to yourself. Learn from it and move on. She isn't coming back.
Client?
She wants a partner in life who won’t be out partying. She wants a proper father for her kids. It isn’t unreasonable. You’re going to be a father – you can’t just be out partying.
“You can’t have her regularly putting out breakup thoughts like that, it’s unhealthy for a relationship to function.”
this is actually true, it started to stress me and make me overthink a lot, like a minute she says that i'm the best thing that happened to her, the next minute she says we aren't going to work out, the minute after she comes back apologizing like nothing happened.
it's frustrating.
He sounds like a master manipulator. Beware.
Ughhh that „man“ had to destroy a whole family because of such stupid reasons ?
I‘m glad you got out of this, stay strong❤️
Ah yeah, its a bit like that. Besdies from the love factor of course.
You feel unimportant because he’s not putting in any effort. Pay attention to that. Why are you cleaning his apartment? You aren’t his mommy. Actions speak louder than words. I wonder what would happen if you insisted the next weekend was at your place?
damn that's harsh
Not from me. PplDon’t realize it often and it’s more of a place of ignorance and stupidity than hate. It’s fkn gross and I’d not even speak to anyone who spoke this way to others… it’d never get this far with me… as a biracial black person with fair skin… never get away with this bs.
Coworkers try ( they’re black and biracial and some adopted and are ignorant as f in many ways… and I always correct them. )
I try to be neutral and understanding of others and where they come from too…. It’s not my aim to vilify others – especially since it’s something I endure – I make sure to be understanding where I can and not go straight to “ they deserve a no mercy death.” Where I can…
I'm sorry for you then, because you're setting yourself up for a world pain and misery. You know she'll cheat again. You KNOW it.
The real problem is
It’s a symptom of mental illness and nobody can convince him to get help
But your primary concern is
it makes me feel like I don’t have a boyfriend, or worry that he’ll just stop talking to me altogether instead of dumping me
If he is checking out of life/with everyone for days on end due to mental health issues, he needs professional help.
If he is checking out/ignoring only you, you should ask if he wants to be with you, and tell him this level of engagement isn't enough for you. If he doesn't improve, leave him. Being depressed isn't an excuse to treat people badly. If he can only manage that, and it's not for you, you can leave.
Well, you reap waht yous sow.
Why are you beating yourself up?
-You guys made a pact not to hang out with anyone you were previously intimate with
-He “forgets” to tell you he was previously intimate with his friend. He suddenly remembers after you’ve met her and are okay with her (how convenient)
-You beat yourself for being insecure
Um??? Whether or not the handjob thing is actually a big deal, can you see how this would make you feel insecure – make it very hot for you to trust your partner?
Having an anxious attachment style is okay, dude!!! But what it means is you need a partner who gives you the reassurance and reliability you need, while also setting healthy boundaries, so that when you feel insecure, you KNOW that it’s a “you” thing. This situation UNDERSTANDABLY does not just feel like a “you” thing. For him to randomly “remember” is incredibly destabilizing!
I think he’s just immature and young, but I just want you to stop beating yourself up… check out the book “Attached” by Levine/Heller if you want to learn more about how to work with an anxious attachment style… you’re not a terrible or broken person
Wow reading your original post I didn't actually think it could be worst than I thought but it really really was.
GIRL WHAT THE FUCK
I definitely don’t.
OP is not wrong for not wanting to wait 2 years to even go to a bar with his gf lmfao
being a compulsive liar is irrelevant, if her being too young was enough of a boundary for OP to refuse to date her, that should’ve been enough.
there is a huge difference in willingly signing up for a relationship with a younger person vs thinking you’re dating someone older. OP might not want to experience the drama and changes that come with the transition from teen to proper adult. OP thought he was dating someone with at least a little life experience, not someone experiencing adulthood for the very first time, and he isn’t wrong for not wanting that.
whatever his reasons are, OP has made it clear that he isn’t okay dating someone this much younger than he is, and that is entirely valid lmfao
I also used to cook for us 7 days a week, breakfast lunch and dinner and bring him his lunches to work everyday
I've also stopped ironing all of our clothes,
no wonder he's pissed! Here he was, thinking he had married a perfect little slave to take advantage of, only to find out that you – gasp! – want to have a life outside of waiting for his instructions!
Throughout just the past few weeks he's made comments like
“Why are you going to the gym at 6am, to see your boyfriend?”
“Who goes to the gym after 7pm unless they're cheating”
“Don't get comfortable at your new job, they'll lay you off as soon as they find a better guy for the position”
if people compliment me in public and dont compliment him as well, he gets upset later and tells me it must be nice to be a woman etc etc and I said no one complimented before when I was chubby, its only because I'm in shape now.
and what does he do when he can't get his way with someone? Tries to bully them right back into submission
honestly OP, you are married to a narcissistic AH. For breakfast tomorrow, I suggest freshly signed divorce papers.
I'm not unhappy tho
Besides the fact you have gone through my previous posts to find something personal to throw at me
Fair play to her pushing 70 and grabbing a toy boy ?? is all seriousness though, I’m doubting she’d want it long term either. Have a chat and speak about it being casual or put a stop to it. You’re entitled to end it if you want ??♀️
No I agree, its very simple when you put it like this. Like we have put in the work to make it better at every stage thus far, we are really good at communicating. I guess the last time I was in a relationship, we started long distance and then I was cheated on. I am not letting trauma lead me but I almost see it as a carbon copy situation – this makes me think you know?
I am gauging very hot right now because I do think shes worth it at the end of the day just the way she handles adversity concerns me at time and its a complete 180 to how I handle it. Its not a deal breaker but its so much easier to handle in person. When I think of potentially losing her I do get upset but I guess I go back and fourth in my mind alot.
Maybe write it down in a letter to him, and ask him to read it alone or bring it to therapy to read it with his therapist? That way he can process the emotions it brings him without you around (and you won't feel the need to comfort him, his therapist can) and he still gets to sit with how it has affected you. I think him insulating himself from the hurt this has caused you is just protecting himself from the very real consequences that he knows he has to deal with, it's why he told you in the first place and he knows it's inevitable.
After he reads it and goes through his personal pity, ask him to come to you and tell you his thoughts on what you wrote, and hopefully he will then be able to acknowledge what you need.
You should end it for a few reasons
I found out on my own
He's sneaking around
the house I live in!
This is objectively terrifying. She either stalked you or he told her where you live!, and both are horrible.
last night I snooped his phone (bad, I know
And toxic frankly. This is a clear sign that you don't trust him or respect his privacy boundaries.
he said it would be okay to call. They’ve gone back and forth a bit trying to find a day that works for a phone call.
Clearly, he's still in contact AND sneaking around. They're more than likely already having an affair.
This woman and their decisions wreaked havoc on a lot of peoples lives
Do you wanna be next? Sorry to be so blunt, but COME ON.
. At first he apologized, but now he’s saying he did nothing wrong and it’s getting very heated.
He is lying and sneaking around with a woman he had an affair with all the while gaslighting you and acting like he's a Saint. He told her where you lived or she found you on her own. These aren't even red flags, these are blatant announcements of what a toxic person he is and how unhappy this relationship and how much worse its gonna get if you wait around to find her in your bed.