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Some people have said he has a point, so trying to get a larger perspective
Leave and don’t look back.
To some people 1 day is enough to bring up sex, to others `1 year, yet others even longer….it is all relative. I find the sooner you bring up something you want, the sooner you get it though.
r/lostredditors
Depending on your age and social media usage…I’d just send some funny or light hearted posts on Instagram that you think she’d like. That’s how my ex and I reconnected. He would reply to photos of my dog and send me funny dog videos.
Also, I think you’re stretching a bit. I have a Neuroscience degree and I for sure thought I had a brain tumor sometimes after reading textbooks about it all day. I think it’s easy to sometimes read into things too much when you’re learning about it. You shouldn’t go around trying to diagnose people when you do not know their history.
You said it, emotional immaturity! Exactly WHY she emailed you. Ignore it. You have the last laugh bcuz you didn't and don't give a fuck lol
I’m sorry you had to deal with it too. Thank you ?
G easy fix, fuck somebody else behind her back
To me it sounds like love and intimacy (sex) are missing from the marriage and he thinks he's also carrying more of the work load. He's probably wondering what's he's getting out of the relationship.
What you need to do is discuss what each of you thinks is missing from the relationship and work together in the new-year to give each other what they need.
Having sex too soon isn't the problem. Only having sex and staying with someon who treats you like crap is the problem.
just call her “lilly 2” ?♀️
Happy Cake Day
??? omggggg nooo what do you mean? You think I’m crazy? ?
Immature much!
Sounds like she's trying to end things.
Really? I think it’s nice
Your wife just wants a license to cheat and your relationship is at deaths door. It also wouldn't surprise me if she already has eye's on a particular someone as people who suggest open relationships after years of monogamy, always already have a specific person in mind.
There is no way of salvaging this situation if your wife insists on pressuring you into this dynamic. Please speak to a divorce lawyer to start consulting your options.
woman, have some respect… i feel second hand embarrassment from this post.
She will not compromise with me about the cats
Sounds like just getting the cats out of the bedroom before sleeping would solve half of this, but she won’t compromise on even that? Either you’ve been way too timid about addressing the problem with her, or she’s too stubborn. This doesn’t bode well for the relationship as what else will you disagree on that your needs don’t get addressed to the point you feel you have to take more drastic measures to just be considered?
On one hand, she is your mother, not his. On the other hand this trip happens just four times per year.
Why can't you split the difference with him joining you twice per year?
You can’t be this dumb, right? You actually asking if you should try to make it work?
On one hand, she is your mother, not his. On the other hand this trip happens just four times per year.
Why can't you split the difference with him joining you twice per year?
Best case, he's negging you. Worst case, he's an abuser-in-waiting.
Girl, run.
why don’t you start doing fun things together that involve moving around. Even going for a walk around the block after dinner counts.
and make food together that is mostly vegetables and lean meat or fish a.k.a. fiber and protein
If you truly love her, this wouldn’t even feel like some kind of effort. It’ll be something you guys could do together. cooking, walking, any kind of moving activity yoga is a good one for beginning to be active again.
Do yoga with her; that’s your solution right there.
Listen to your instincts
Firm believer that if hes already sending messages like that to other people – whether he met them live!, on an app or not, regardless of if hes seen them in person – he has already done a form of cheating/has entertained the idea of other people/wouldnt of told you without you finding the messages first. Is this something you will continue to wonder about if you continue the marriage? If he's talking to people behind your back/possibly meeting people/possibly having an affair? Did he say, “That's how little i think of you,” while he was already drunk/drinking? Because im also of the belief that drunk man speech is a sober man's thoughts, but if he was sober when he said it, that's also bad even if he conveniently doesn't remember saying it. He clearly also has a alcohol problem, you've fought nude through your cancer, and you deserve a good life. Is a drunken cheating alcoholic someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you think the things he has done or is currently doing something that you think you can get over/stop thinking about/forgive? Im going to be honest with you- if i had cancer, and the person who i swore the rest of my life to and who did the same to me, was doing what your husband is currently doing/has already done— they would be out on the street. You deserve a good life, not to be dealing with a drunkards issues and cheating habits as they should have been caring for you and supporting you during the whole process: not running off drowning themselves in the bottom of a bottle and looking for intimacy outside of their marriage.
He is cheating.
Yep. I’ve said that to him multiple times.
Thankfully humans can adapt, even if he says “I think I love you too” or “I want to date you” you can just adapt plans around the responsibilities you have to take care of
Op wants a father, a friend , a roomate, a guy who takes her responsibility. A man who goee way beyond. You are the one gaslighting him and you are the one who need to be responsible for your own actions. You are a grown woman. Dont use your autism as a scapegoat
Your ideas are solid.
They also make lamps that light up when the other touches them, but I can't remember what they are called.
On the NSFW side of things, check out Lovesnse the Lush for her, and the Max for you. You can control each other's toys via the app, so there is some bit of participation from both sides.
Good luck, 90 days goes fast.
Right, my thoughts were:
-Interior design/fashion design firm? No, why would there be cash?
-Nursing? Cash and projects doesn’t make sense
-Salon environment? I’ve never worked at one with HR, and projects aren’t applicable…
-Teaching? Maybe projects but definitely no cash.
-Maybe some sort of social media/marketing gig? But still, no, there wouldn’t be cash.
I’m going to be trying to piece this together all night lmao
Most childless men don't want to date single mothers.
Well, there's two wrinkles here:
A) Long-term dating and being FWB with are different, and many childless men are very happy to have casual sex with single mothers.
B) As you already know, single dads exist and most of them don't mind dating single mothers and potentially even prefer it.
I think that the trauma of the breakup must have been pretty great. Therapy might help but not necessarily: it's not a magic cure. I think that sometimes breakups can be like getting over someone's death and the pain never goes away completely. We wouldn't breat ourselves up for grieving over somebody who is dead but yet we expect ourselves to get over a breakup, that's what our society expects of us. But a loss if a loss. I have gone through something similar and I have just accepted that I still grieve over my ex. I go on living my life and try not to let it bother me. I don't wish we were together though. If you still wish you were together with your ex, I think you have not let go of the hope she might return one day, and that hope is keeping your attachment alive.
The number one cause of death for pregnant women in the United States is homicide. Please protect yourself. He sounds like he is breaking from reality a little bit… And it also might mean he's falling down a very misogynistic pipeline. I wonder what kind of YouTube content he's been ingesting
Exactly and OP should know that anyone that comes at him with hate is an idiot. I've heard many a story like this where the one who leaves gets called transphobic.
OPs sexual preference isn't a choice just like his fiancé being trans isn't a choice.
You can't force anyone to change that for the convenience of another and then blame them if they can't make themselves do that.
They both deserves happiness in their own right and it's a good thing this came out before the wedding.
Cancel everything. Maybe he can still get some money back.. hopefully but just there is no way forward with them together in this.
I don’t really think there’s anything to “approach” if I’m honest.
He’s allowed to spend his money as he wishes. And at this point, that’s all that’s really happening. She’s just a friend.
Personally, I’m kind of turned off by people who always want to paint an ex as the devil and value people who are able to end a relationship but remain friends. It’s shows emotional maturity. People who have to block/ghost/burn the house down and remove all evidence of an ex are usually shitty people with a lot of issues and unable to take any responsibility for their part of things.
I personally would not bring this up and would just carry on and enjoy the nice thing you have. He’s not prioritizing her over you in any way based on your post and follow up comments. He just sees her as a friend in need at times.
Unless you’re resource guarding, there just…nothing here to worry about IMHO.
As long as he's in her good graces, of course. The moment he really pisses her off – I would really watch for that dog.
Pipes matter. I clogged the toilet regularly at my old house, and thrice in 6 years at my current house
I do love him a lot and I know he feels insecure so I try and put myself in his shoes. He feels threatened? Insecure? Idk but I feel for him so I try my best to reassure him there’s nothing going on. I’ve felt like that before and it sucks so if there’s nothing to worry about I don’t want him to feel like that. Yes I shouldn’t have lied but I didn’t lie to cover something going on between me and this coworker.
She's had 12 years to get used to her lie and you have had what ? Two months ? She did something really bad then made up a horrible, manipulative lie to cover her actions. She told you not out of respect for you but to unburden herself. Not going to recommend anything except that you give yourself time to think about this and make whatever decision you think you need to in order to live! with yourself. BTW- tell your close friends and family and solicit their input. They know you best and truly have your best interests at heart. Your wife – not so much.
They need to change the legal age for marriage to 25 I swear to god.
The correct place to park is “at a different dwelling, without this controlling, abusive dumbass.”
You broke her trust and made her feel emotionally unsafe. You not only made her feel terrible about herself, she's probably wondering if you've been cheating. Cheating, or the desire to do so, seems to be the reason for a lot of the open marriage requests we see posted on Reddit. The request would have damaged my trust and sense of safety too much to come back from.
He won’t stop if you ask him to, what a stupid thought. She is endangering you by asking you to intervene. Also crazy stalkers like your husband don’t just hear someone ask them to stop and think, “oh gosh, why didn’t I think of that! Of course what I’m doing is wrong. Well glad we got that sorted out.” Get out methodically and then tell her to get the police involved. The person you married is not who you thought and you’re not responsible for his disturbing behavior.
Have you even talked to him about it, about how it made you feel and continues to make you feel? If you haven't, please tell me why you feel it's reasonable for you to even be considering divorce given that everything else is perfect.
People say and do things without thinking of the effect the action can have on another person. Basically, people are stupid sometimes. It sounds like he had a seriously stupid moment.
I seriously think you need to consider couples therapy, and individual therapy for yourself. You also need to work on your communication.
He's jerking a lot, probably while watching porn.
He's using his hands as death grip.
His meat is probably numb and used to the death grip.
He's an idiot. He pressured you into anal. He doesn't care if he hurts you.
Leave him.
If you are sexually attracted to your BF, maybe you are bi?
Get. Out. Of. This. Relationship.
Get out. Get out.
His porn addiction is his problem—he has assaulted and degraded you enough. This has to stop. He needs to fix himself, it’s not your job to figure out how to fix this.
Get out. You’re wasting your time and causing yourself misery. There are too many people on planet earth you could be with to waste another second with this one.
One more thing: stop internalizing the bullshit he spews at you, there’s nothing wrong with your vagina. Do NOT take these cruel lies with you into your next relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with you, he is broken.
Good way to be
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So years ago when we were only dating for about a 6-7 months, I thought we were at the general consensus that we were serious considering we said “| love you” and had plans together beyond college. So during this time two things happened. 1, this girl dm'd him and sent some very sensual images of herself. They had no contact before and he messaged back like “ew” or something and blocked her. Turns out he had saved her naked to his phone in the notes app. I found it and I know it wasn't physical cheating but it was definitely just iffy for me. 2, which I consider basically cheating or at least the intention. I was complaining to my friend that I feel like I can't trust him and I just have a gut feeling something's wrong. She got a fake number and texted him saying she had his number from tinder. He replied and they went back and forth. She then asked if she could come over and watch a scary movie but it wouldn't be the movie “making her scream” he said yes but pretended not to know what she meant. She made it painfully obvious. She asked if he had a gf, he said yes. Then she asked if we were in a serious relationship and he said no, that he might break up with me soon. She sent me screenshots and we broke up for a few months because of this. He refuses to acknowledge that this is cheating or at the least very very wrong. Instead he says that it's wrong that my friend did that and that “all girls are the same” which boils my blood tbh. So I told him l'd ask the general public if it's cheating or not and he's pissed about it. He is 100% the type of person to love validation about being y, right. So I just feel like he knows and doesn't want to admit it.
Edit: all I asked was if anyone else considered it cheating or not. Not to tell me I’m dumb for staying or to tell me I’m going to get divorced sooner than later. I’m telling you only a portion of our relationship. Not everything is black and white, people, relationships are so much more complex than that. You’re judging my entire life based on the little information I gave from this post and my post history where I was mainly venting. He’s been neglecting the relationship because we have a premature daughter with health issues. Hes been diagnosed clinically depressed and he’s now in therapy. I was diagnosed OCD and I’m in therapy. This happened 4 years ago. We haven’t even mentioned it until yesterday. All I wanted to validation. When we got back together he did a complete 180. We worked on building our trust and we’re in a great place regarding that. No, we never talked about this but I since I brought it up yesterday we have been and we’re working though it.
I hear your need for that. It makes sense. But if you need it, is he trustworthy enough to be in a relationship with?
I haven’t dated someone like him before
Hopefully this will be the last time.
This link covers all countries.
Apparently my country doesn't exist.
What exactly would keeping you in his life do to improve it? Do you provide pleasurable company? Emotional support? Do you give what he would consider to be good advice?
Look at it from his perspective, is his life better or worse when you’re in it?
Compassion and kindness towards some and not all is not true compassion and kindness. It's like how if someone's nice to you but treats the waiter like dirt, then that says a lot about that person's true nature, you feel?
I asked if he was and he said he was, but now I don't feel I can trust anything he says!
Yes – that is the problem – he spent so much time talking about his nephews (also because I was so curious about Canada vs Europe child rearing practices) and did not once mention his own children.
I want a million dollars, ain't gonna happen tho
I've never heard of a man who complains his wife is losing weight and getting fit. Like wtf?
It's perfectly fine for him to want to do it every other day.
Also the argument for spontaneous and responsive desire often ends with men needing to cater to responsive desire. If we are for equality in 2023, women who fall more on the responsive desire end also need to be better partners and cater at times to the spontaneous desire of her partner.
i dont know its their relationship…… she says she doesnt want to break up because kids should be the least of their worries now . theyre about to move in together too lol.
she says that maybe in a couple years she will change her mind
You sound like a fucking weirdo and a nightmare to have as a mom.
The fact that there is a non-zero chance this is a troll disturbs me, though the odds are very much leaning in that direction.
Date someone who trusts and respects you and isn't a hypocrite.
Exactly, when a woman says she can't find a good man, or all their ex's were assholes, it's them, not the good men.
No, your co-worked was obviously engaging in an emotional affair with you that he has now stopped, for whatever reason. Don't be daft.
Your boyfriend is sexist when it comes to this issue (at least), and he's hiding behind “cultural differences” to try to avoid having to do himself what he wants you to do (shower before bed). You're showering daily or every other day and keeping yourself clean and hygienic, that's all that should matter. Additionally, your eczema should ALSO matter to.him and shouldn't trump his “culture” because it's an actual health condition you have to manage.
My advice would be to tell him that youre not going to shower more than you're comfortable doing with your eczema and work/life schedule, and that he can deal with it or leave if he wants to be irrational over it. Youve already compromised enough around this issue, you don't have to completely do what he wants to make him happy – that's not a relationship worth having.
Yep.
This woman is staring down the barrel of 30 and can't spend time in her own company. She also emotionally blackmails you into isolating yourself from friends. Is this the life you want for yourself in ten years? Twenty?
Who knows, and who cares.
If he’s insecure enough to act this way, but too immature to use his words and communicate effectively then he’s not in a good place to be dating.
You are a very smart, beautiful woman who is making a dumb choice right now. Reread this as if it’s someone else and you’ll know the answer. You should be adored.
I don't think you can get him to forgive you and trust you again. You ruined your relationship.
Dude, something happened during that trip, and you need to get it out.
I'll ask today when I see him, I didn't want to do it through text. Right now I only texted him saying that he should know what he should and shouldn't do now that he's in a relationship with me, because there are some things that hurt me. It sounds passive aggressive and I don't like it but it's better than saying “unfollow this bitch” like I would have done in the past before I knew him
I do not, I WANT to take care of her
Do you look different in anyway than the pictures that you posted of yourself? When I used to date live!, I found that women tend to post pictures that aren't recent.
wholesome
Wait… he cheated on you with your sister… and your sister thinks she somehow is owed a spot on the invitation list for your wedding?
Hell to the fucking no. It's bad enough he cheated. But her betrayal was infinitely worse than his. I'm amazed you're even on speaking terms with her. If I were you I'd straight up tell my family the whole scenario and put it firmly that if anyone tries to suggest you forgive your sister or tries bringing her to the wedding, they will also be cut off indefinitely for the rest of their lives.
I once tried to date a guy who I didn’t realize was married until way too late. I was highly into him and he was flirting back to me and I just decided to say fuck it let’s start dating! and low and behold, “blah blah blah my spouse blah blah blah”, I was disappointed, and yet he decided to reject me playing the spouse card AND practically begged me to stay in his life and still be friends. I asked him if there should be boundaries now that things are different and he said “no, we shouldn’t be putting boundaries up” almost like he conveniently forgot he actually told me he had a spouse and was being overly flirty with me.
The guy I spoke with should have chosen his spouse and should have kicked my horny ass to the curb after ANY flirting was involved.
God, I hate people sometimes.