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Hi, I’m one.
You’re definitely entitled to your preferences, not debating that. Your reasoning for those preferences are kinda questionable tho. But go on, do you bro, I’m sure whatever you’re doing is working for you.
Why did you even take him back the first time because if you cheated he wouldn’t consider taking you back. If you feel like that is the way it makes you feel better then I’ll say ghost him and delete him from all your social media and honestly it would be tough but you’ll make it through with time. Heal, get in a better shape and he’ll regret cheating on you and when he keeps texting DONT answer because he makes him feel like he has you wrapped around his fingers and he knows you’ll always take him back. DONT TAKE HIM BACK at least for you mental health.
If you really are going to try this messy relationship.
Don't be an authority to them, at all, and don't try to be their friend or win their approval either.
Just kinda act like they're not there and only engage them when necessary. Your BF is a crazy person for having you meet them 2 months in and the whole thing is going to implode at some point in the next year or two anyway.
You’re not grooming him you’re just so utterly incompatible that I’m surprised you can’t see it.
Wife and I were making out with the first hour of meeting each other and I stayed the night at her place.
You don't speak for all women any more than I do, or for all men.
I’ve been in this situation before. Like the other says. You both value the relationship differently. Obviously you consider him best friend, while he consider you a friend. You feel what you feel, you can’t help that. I too felt hurt when that happened to me. Re evaluate your relationship and decide. I do think honesty is the best policy as miscommunication can breed problems. I don’t think you’re wrong by telling him how you feel. He got mad because he doesn’t feel that way and to him he treated you fairly. It is up to him if he wants to have stronger relationship or not.
Thank you
The problems you had in the past did not go away, so maybe start with that.
Before being in a relationship you're now the parents of two young kids, so communication and partnership are essential.
I would advise you suggest couples therapy. Not with the expectations of necessarily getting back together, but to guarantee a structured and safe space in which you can deal with the stuff that broke you up.
The success of this process should not be perceived from the “we got back together” lens, but the “we have a strong relationship for our kids” perspective.
However, I do believe that this process (if she is as engaged as you are) is a strong path towards the possibility of reconciliation
u/Sad_Exercise4441, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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I wouldn't listen to most of the comments you're getting here. You literally have people projecting their codependency in your comments. Who the hell wants to see their partner everyday? You're my partner not my limb. Anyway, if you want the perspective of someone who ACTAULLY enjoys their own company and is MORE independent than most, seeing your partner 1-2 days a week is perfectly fine.
However in terms of the moving in part, that part is a little different. You really need to get a solid answer from him one way or the other and plan your next move based on his answer.
It’s not about “permission”, it’s about boundaries and respect for one’s marriage. Once you’re married, any financial decision should be discussed with both partners.
u/Chrissywisssy, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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Honest question: Why do you care that your friend slept with your ex?
Hello /u/BlueberryOtherwise72,
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Have you told him you don’t like that he watches this content when you’re around? Have you talked to him at all about your preferences?
I have an issue with people who have to tell you how loyal/honest/kind they are. Loyal/honest/kind people don’t need to tell you what they are, you’ll see it
Ever notice that the people that always tell you how much they hate drama, are just surrounded by drama? Yeah… :/
I believe her holes were filled.
I do apologise upfront for this comment.
All the best OP and I agree with your plans and actions.
I've tried to rekindle a relationship after my gf cheated (young, not married, didn't online together) and it never worked.
The trust will never completely be restored. Every time you have sex with her it'll remind you someone else was there during your relationship. It's fucked up, but I think there's a way back from full sex cheating.
Yeah she’s abusive, u don’t need this
You do not need his agreement. Make that very very clear – you do NOT need his agreement. If he's not ok with that, you're 19. Move on.
I always amusedly give my SO scores for her farts. Sometimes I'll write down a little score card and hold it up like the Olympics
Hello /u/Kyrie_Sidhe,
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You have fallen victim to an awful man and im very sorry for that and this child. Leave. No one is worth this torment. He has only himself to blame.
You are almost an adult.
Again, you prefer to have all this drama and reason to be excluded, instead of you getting ready and tell them “I’m going to a NYE party, I’ll be back by 2AM. Which of the 2 is picking me up? Or am I getting an Uber?”
You are making all these excuses for why you are miserable, so here is the advice: if you want something, act on it. Don’t just feed on the drama.
If I was your boyfriend, I’d say “It was a last-minute thing. You’ve made it clear from all the previous times that you are not willing to speak with your parents about last minute plans, so I didn’t even bother”.
Im speaking as someone who has been depressed for 15 years off and on, with chronic health conditions that have resulted in multiple surgeries and almost death and only given a week to recover for the surgeries and get my ass back to work because at the end of the day my family relies on me to provide for them so i have to suck up whatever issues i got and put them first.
Yes she has had a major change in her life and it is something that takes time to recover from but to be non existant in your families lives for a year to the point that your husband is considering divorce if it was possible shows the lack of motivation to get better. Its clear as day she needs therapy but she isnt getting it and is defensive whenever confronted instead of accepting and working through the issue.
Im all for the lovie sweet approach for depression but i havent seen it actually work, most people need the tougher love approach to get their ass in gear to work on themselves. Is what im saying the more aggressive approach yup it is, but its the one ive seen most successful.
I hope he gets his wife back but at the end of the day if she isnt willing to put in the work to be that person anymore then it probably will never happen infortunately, i hope im wrong but i doubt it.
Did you preface it as a date? If not, don't chicken out. Make it clear what you were thinking. In the future, make it clear from the get-go.
Baby, I’m truly sorry for your previous trauma but your standards are still too low. Keep healing yourself and you will see that.
The bar is in hell.
Good for you. Fuck cheaters their partners deserve to know about their cheating ways.
Because you've made it clear you'll put up with it forever.
She is cheating. She felt guilty that you did something romantic while she is being unfaithful behind your back.
Let's recap; dude disrespects you constantly by blocking you. Has addiction problems. Hides said addictions. Makes YOU chase after him.
Before you answer with “other than all that…he's a great guy and I love him…” do you want to take a naked look at that list and have a real conversation with yourself?
We are talking but I’ve talked about a lot of stuff with the first guy, we’ve connected over childhood stuff and talked for hours every night and really opened up. He’s been helping me strive to be better and I’ve been using a lot of my therapy lessons in this “relationship”
Great! That sounds promising.
These things happen. Its okay to let people down. Its a risk we all take when it comes to dating. We make ourselves vulnerable for a shot of love. Being let down is a part of the process.
What's the alternative? You keep the connection ongoing when you're not really into it? Does that sound fair to him? Building up false hope the longer it goes? That is how people become even more hurt.
It's better to let someone down earlier than later.
And you said that you want to do things right with the other… putting an end to the other would be the right thing to do for everyone involved.
You were being an ass and now it’s his fault. Heterosexual relationships in a nutshell.
You’re being played for a fool and the worst thing it’s going to scar you for life if you don’t get away soon.
I know it would. I don't feel as strongly about it as I did a couple hours ago though, so I really don't know. I think I'm just gonna get whatever stuff I have left at her place and just not try to contact her at all and turn down any of her attempts to help me out in any way.
If she is pregnant I’d 10,000% want a DNA test, because it sounds like she could be intentionally setting you up to think it’s your child….
My fiancé doesn’t understand my “witchy” natural side all the time & still brought me home a dead dried out baby bat when he was roofing. You don’t have to understand to be accepting & he just seems like a dick lol
Eagerly waiting the next update
This ⬆️ Remember, to the pets, you are their world.
They did not stop reproduction the children mostly didn't survive because of lack of food. It is totally something else to stop having babies and the survival of those babies!!! They kept going having sex.
So your want more kids and she doesn't?
What about personality based preferences?
First. Go on the sub deadbedroom for insightful advice. I have seen your story several times there.
Second. Making him clear that it is now a physical need that impacts your mental health. You WILL have sex soon, and you prefer to have it with him. Now, you can discuss together HOW ( not if) it will happen.
From there, you can discuss options like : weekly sex nights together, lovers' weekend trip, open relationships, sex workers, or separation.
A possibility is he already banging a co-worker. The common telltale sign is a sudden interest for the legit partner … out of culpability. But someone with steel nerves can do the reverse to hide said telltale sign.
Been there. I feel for you.
So many of these stories there’s such a clear and obvious solution. Like OP… you know what to do. You’re waiting for someone here to tell you.
They say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you’re cool with that behavior than talk it out and move on. If not.. totally okay too. And you’ll find love again.
Either way- only you know
Oh, there's a lot to unpack here. First off, do you have romantic feelings for your friend? Because, if you don't, then it's NOT emotional cheating to be friends with a member of the opposite sex. If you were visexual would she just expect you not to have any close friends? If you think about it, does your wife do anything to push you away from other potential friends and family members? My two closest friends are men (I'm a woman) and if a partner told me I had to choose between him and them, I'd pick my friends every single time.
I lied because I was afraid of what my wife would say; we have had many issues throughout our relationship of me leaving it details because I don't want to justify them (things like what food I eat, what games I play etc).
This is extremely concerning and its pointing towards some big control issues from your wife and/or some sort of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria from you. (Both problems can exist together so don't dismiss her behavior if you do have RSD tendencies.) You shouldn't have to feel like you're walking on eggshells for simply feeding yourself or doing something you enjoy. If you're feeling like you're not allowed to have enjoyment or do something as innocuous as eating, then something is seriously wrong. The only exception to the food thing I can think of is if you had a medical condition like diabetes or something.
I'm a coward and she's very strong willed
Absolutely the fuck not!! You are NOT a coward and whoever made you believe that can fuck off right to hell.
Your relationship with your wife sounds really unhealthy my friend, and it's sounding like maybe the bulk of issues are with HER behavior, not yours.
I was in a relationship with a similar dynamic once. Spent 10 years with my high school “sweetheart” and he constantly made me feel inferior and stupid for liking certain things. He'd criticize me so much that I felt like I wasn't allowed to like or do anything. And so for years, I didn't. I dropped all hobbies, dropped all my friends, dropped most of my family, and I was miserable. I lost any sense of who I was and molded myself to his likes. His likes became my likes so he wouldn't make fun of me, even down to the music I liked and what I wore. When that relationship ended I was so lost because I didn't know who I was anymore. I had surpressed everything about myself for years and didn't know where to go from there. Eight years later, Ive finally been rediscovering myself because I've only recently realized why I feel so lost and it's because of that relationship and undiagnosed ADHD and autism that was triggering big fears of rejection.
Don't lose yourself to someone else's overbearing nature. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will love you despite whatever goofy things they think you do.
Get yourself to individual therapy if you aren't there already. It sounds like you may really benefit from it. Choose peace, whatever that looks like for you. Hugs ?
He’s manipulating you. The cycle will repeat itself. Please don’t get back together with him
Is there any married person here who would be ok with this??????
If that was the full story I’d agree
I was never trying to force a relationship I just wanted to get to know him better
For the love of all that is holy, don't get her pregnant. Start looking for a job in the U.S. Once you get here, start figuring out a way to untangle this mess you're in. Learn how to say no to her for starters.
I don’t agree. I would never give access to my phone to my partner and wouldn’t expect access to theirs. It’s called trust. Imagine a world when you can’t even have a whinge to your friends about your partner occasionally without them finding it and blowing it up into a thing when you were just letting off steam. Or reading into a situation that doesn’t exist because reading conversations without context can be totally misleading.
Anyone who feels the need to violate their partners privacy by scrolling through their phone has other issues.
I’m totally fine with if it dings for them to look at the screen and say ‘hey x is texting you’ or if I’m driving ask them to look up someone’s number and ring them but that’s my line. I have nothing to hide, I just expect trust and will reciprocate.
You're supposed to apologize to the people that you love when you hurt them even if you didn't mean to hurt them
YTA. There's no time frame on these kinds of things.