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❤️ Malena & her Lover ❤️, 34 y.o.
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I think it's obvious you need to talk to her. Be kind but be firm: you love her, and you want to spend time with her from time to time, but she needs a social life outside of you, and you need a social life outside of her. You can't bring her everywhere you go, have her call every night and every weekend to see if she can tag along. You want to spend time with her, but you also need time for you, for your couple and for your friends too and you can't spare any of that at the moment. And she needs a life on her own too! Have her own hobbies and own friends, and you'll be more than happy to help her look for activities to do on her own if she has troubles finding how to occupy herself.
It might not be a pleasant discussion to have, but it needs to be done. You speak about wanting to spend time with her while she's still her, but there's a reason we talk about “quality time” and not “quantity time”; you're seeing her a lot at the moment, but enjoy little of it. You're not making good memories, and I don't think it's worth cramming your agenda full of her if it means that the day she'll sadly pass away, the first thing you'll feel is relief instead of loss.
It might be helpful to explain to each of them, separately, some of the drawbacks: 1) they are likely to have nothing in common. What music does he like to listen to? What music does she like to listen to? What hobbies do they each have? They will share no cultural touchstones or pop culture references or life experiences. “Where were you when the towers fell?” will not have the same resonance for him as it will for her. 2) No one will accept them. Societal pressure will be strong and harsh. You will not be happy. His parents will hate her. They will be isolated and lack a support system. 3) Maturity levels. He's not even legal to DRINK. He needs to be goofy, make errors, and have fun. There will be some dumb decisions in his immediate future, but also the freedom to do things on a whim; you guys should be doing things like taking road trips, spontaneously going to sports events, even flying to spring break, getting sloppy drunk and having the occasional one night stand. Where does she fit in with this? Unless she's one of the one night stands, all she will do is be an albatross around his neck. 4) Power imbalance. She has money and life experience. Even if she doesn't mean to, she will control and manipulate him. It'd be like a 16 yo babysitter “dating” a 7 yo. You just know more and you know how to push someone young and less confident into doing what you want.
You knew and you still did!!!!!
You're not toxic my dear. You're healing and loving yourself. In my opinion, yes, a month is too soon. You get to know someone over time and I doubt you've shown each other everything in 30 odd days. So he probably loves what he sees so far…. but he doesn't know you for that level of love. He could be riding off fluffy feelings or infatuation. Who knows.
I always say, a good rule of thumb is wait until your first argument. Then you will see each other for real. If you can communicate and work through conflict then the very hot part is done. All you need to watch for is love bombing. Apart from that, have fun and enjoy yourself my dear. You deserve happiness ?
She’s weird. Don’t give it a second thought.
Please get away asap. If he's done it once, he will do it again and possibly get worse. Be blessed, and please make the safe decision here
Yeah, this guy knows exactly what he's doing and is actually not sorry. He knows you'll comfort him and apologize if he cries and says he's a bad person. This way he puts the blame on you and not him. Because he is being a bad person. He is being an asshole. There's not ifs and or buts, he's sexually assaulting you. Imagine if he was still your friend and not your boyfriend. Nothing about his actions are acceptable. Pressuring you into sex, begging you for sex when you're still clearly traumatized, pestering you for nudes and sexts when you are obviously not interested is? None of that shit is okay between friends. And it still isn't between lovers. None of this is okay. He doesn't respect you.
You deserve to be respected. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve a chance to heal and I guarantee you he will never let tht happen because he cares about his dick more than he cares about you.
Murder suicide
You guys, people are people not disposable entretainment. If you don't want him when it's inconvenient (year abroad), would you want him if he was sick or disabled or depressed or jobless (and u had kids etc etc)…? Probably not. So if not, why continue the relationship? Only for fun while its funny? Sorry but that sounds selfish 🙁
Here’s the thing, if one partner tends to get defensive the other partner will get more sensitive. This is because even things that feel trivial to you will feel hurtful to them because they don’t feel seen or understood even in the small things. The more you can show empathy for their hurt the less the small things will hurt them as they build trust that you care. But make sure to include yourself and ask him to show empathy for your side too, and look for compromises that you both are comfortable with. If you simply give empathy with out including your own needs and with out him showing empathy for you, then all you’re doing is teaching him his needs matter more than yours. When what you want is for them both to matter the same.
But the issue is deeper than your defensiveness. The way he shared his feelings is the root issue. Instead of saying the vulnerable thing that he was disappointed that you didn’t find his joke as funny as he was hoping, he instead criticized you as being inattentive. He sounds like when he’s hurt he attacks other peoples actions or intent rather than share his vulnerable and hurt feelings.
In that, couples therapy would really help. If that’s not an option, google the problem with unexpressed expectations and how to turn complaints into requests. Because if he can get better at those two concepts, then you’d probably be less defensive as it’s a lot easier to empathize when people share their hurt feelings then when they attack you because they’re hurt.
My man, you are on the bench.
I'm familiar with the delusion that being on the bench means you're still in consideration. You are not. You're an affection clinic that she goes to for validation, and she gets these anxieties about doing these things with you because they're just a currency she pays to keep you waiting for her.
You would literally stand a better chance if you ended things, because it would inject a little fear of missing out into her; but even if that were enough to get her to get back together with you, it wouldn't last.
Was in same situation but was your friend. Also they had broken up 5 years ago and i never asked permission. Was drunk, she came on to me in the most obvious way.
Its a moral gray area for sure, as someone else said, they are allowed to do what they want, if its 10 years since you broke up then would you be more ok? For them it was 5 and he has had plenty of action in between. Idk, I regret it to this day because i ended up losing one of my oldest and beat friends over a shitty drunken shag.
She has a really really bad relationship with her mother (heavily traditional woman who’s gotten in trouble in her jw church for being too extreme with the religion). One person wrote a comment saying she may not have had someone to teach her this which isn’t too very hot for me to believe. She had a good relationship with her aunt from her dads side but very rarely gets to see her. She has some mental health issues and cares too much about how I see her. I know she is 100% herself (and confident about it) around me but has issues with me seeing her without make up, opening up to me about things that bother her, among some other things. Getting ready in the mornings is somewhat personal to everyone as it’s mostly done alone so I’d understand if she’s having a nude time allowing someone into that space. Could be scared of being wrong about stuff. As for sex abuse, we were both very new to it as it was both our first times when we first started. We always practice consent and never engage in any activities of the sort unless both of us are feeling confident and comfortable. I absolutely love her and want to support her, she just has a hard time letting me in sometimes which isn’t anything I’m upset about
If you have wanted one for some time and have done research then go for it then dump him after recovery. If you have never desired one then just dump him. This is a disgusting thing for someone to suggest someone else get cosmetic surgery. If large breasts are so important he can go find a woman with large breasts. But I doubt they want him with his views on women’s bodies.
You misread: OP told the bf even though nothing her sister was acting straight.
I understand. But I have never been abusive in any of my relationships and never had a partner used that word on me.
Nobody is stopping her from leaving. She just couldn't avoid tearing him down a bit before she goes. That's abusive.
Dude might have deserved it. He sounds like somebody she should have left long before this. But when you say the kinds of things OP said to somebody in an effort to hurt them, it's abuse.
Be honest and tell him that the things he promised to change haven’t changed. Even though you both missed each other, you had conditions for getting back together and those weren’t met. Maybe he is as miserable as you are but thinks you will be destroyed if he leaves. And he managed for a year and a half without you so he can do it again.
Since you already got plenty of advice, all I could add is maybe consider how lucky you BOTH are to be having an argument like this in a world where so many people are cold and starving. If you’re arguing about who gets to buy an expensive watch for you, maybe neither of you should buy it and you should do something more worthwhile that you can agree on.
You don’t need his permission. He’s being insecure and controlling.
Your gf is mentally unwell and not healthy enough for a romantic relationship. She is holding you emotionally hostage with her manipulative suicide attempts. She needs help that you cannot provide, and she is not capable of being a good partner to you until she can manage her own emotions. Please get some help for yourself to make a plan to break up. Do you live! together?
I can tell you, I've had a number of my exes tell me I'm their 'one free fuck' card with their husband's. But it's not me they're marrying. They just want that one night we had ten years ago ?
Some of us are made for fucking.
Some of yall are made for marrying.
Really appreciate it
This all depends on the state in most states 15-16 is when you can consent to have sex with someone most states allow the age difference to be 4 years.
It just seems very hot to draw a line when it’s okay or not. Like if you were 18 and dating someone who was 16, there could be a 3 year age difference when you turn 19 depending on when your birthday lines up.
When he follows another woman, you're seeing it as a relationship in competition with the relationship that you want to have with him. He probably sees it as a totally different category of thing, more like a video game fantasy, not really a potential relationship at all.
Respect her boundary. But you don't have to wait around for her. The ball is in her court. If in January you are still single and she calls you, cool. You don't have to wait around though. Live! your life. Maybe you'll meet someone who is in the same place as you and ready for a relationship
As the days go on, we wish we could elope. But unfortunately this is a 300+ person wedding.
This is helpful, thank you
See that’s where I get hung up. He broke up with me yes. He still calls me still says he loves me still tells me he loves me before bed every night still wakes up and tells me how handsome I am……. At this point I’m getting extremely confused as we are now 2 hours apart and I haven’t seen him or our cat in a week but via the phone it’s like we’re still dating
Jerking off to porn stars also counts as consuming the services of sex workers. I'm sure you've never done that either, since you're such a saint! Oh wait, paying for it is where the morality line is drawn, amiright?
Big round eyes, baby faced, cute cheeks?
Go to the GF wedding. It’s her BEST friend. It’s important to her and she’s important to you. If it were your brother…sure, but a college friend….I get you want to go, but this time meeting and seeing her friends is building your relationship and important enough to your GF she’s asking.
I might try and have a third party get it back for me.
That's a good idea.
If he won’t stop when you ask him to stop tickling you, what else won’t he stop doing in the future? If he can’t respect your body and understand consent after multiple conversations, why are you with him?
He also is actively ignoring you while being visibly present live!, that's intentionally cruel. If he's only great when he wants something from you, that's not great at all.
Hon. You keep saying 2-3 times a week like it’s some kind of negotiation.
He’s never going to negotiate with you. He only wants things his way. And that’s ridiculous. It’s abusive that he yells and coerces you to have sex more than you want to. He doesn’t respect YOUR needs. He is just forcing his DEMANDS on you.
Stop trying to make this work. It never will.
I'd say ask her! I'm sure she'd love it. (If not, you can ask her what she'd like to do, if she's interested)
You're 22 with a kid, a divorce behind your belt and you're dating a 32 year old. You're probably not making the best choices in life up until now. Nothing wrong with the first 2. Dump the 3rd one. And lay off dating for a while. Get your head in a better mind space and figure out why you keep picking these people that are so emotionally immature.