Your reaction to his trip was way out of line. Since you can handle him being away for a few days (…) it's for the best that he moved on and blocked you. You shouldn't be dating right now, focus on yourself and your ability to manage your own emotions and self soothe.
Guy 1 is all of that. I know he would do all that for me and he is so loving and caring and thatās what made me fall for him. I think somewhere along the way Iāve forgotten why I started liking him. On a side note: guy 2 has commitment issues but he is actually nice and caring and there for me too. Even now. And I know he would be a nice, caring and affectionate partner to somebody. He would treat his wife like a queen, Iām pretty sure from what I know about him. But I donāt know if he ever will have a wife lol.
YOU donāt like his best friends sister. She maybe doesnāt like you but he has his own opinions. So if you donāt want to marry him because he still follows someone YOU donāt like, donāt marry him. You said you let the jobs go from the first encounter. So youāre mad about her opinion of his behavior. You two have only met twice, if you think sheās unforgivable and you donāt want to get to know her or let her know you, thatās YOUR choice/ Heās known this family since childhood, but yeah you can break up with him for having his own opinion and not defending his own behavior. He probably didnāt want to feed into unnecessary drama.
Are you dumb?? I have a healthy relationship and I can promise you my boyfriend would let me know beforehand his ex was the only person to care for him just like Iād do the same for him. Itās about respect and letting the other person know. The fact that he didnāt tell her thatās his only friend is weird. My boyfriend can have all the girls in his phone but guess what. He letās me know about all of them. I donāt need to go through his phone. I donāt need the assurance because I trust him to tell me those things. Just like her boyfriend shouldāve told her an ex was taking care of him.
no she didnāt because those gifts were expensive but tailored to her, her tastes, and her needs. the level of usage theyāll get makes the cost of the items worth it. a $1000 pendant you donāt like doesnāt carry the same benefit. do you see the difference?
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
girl, he followed you after you told him to stop. that is not okay. you have shown genuine remorse and concern after hitting him, and you “hate yourself” for it. you are not abusive or a bad girlfriend. abusive people and bad partners feel no remorse or guilt. your bf is in the wrong here, and i truly hope this is not a regular occurence. the thought of doing something to upset my significant other makes me upset, and i would never do that.
Title! Found our husband of 7 years and two toddler had an affair. He knows itās my non negotiable and worst nightmare as my own parents divorced when my dad had an affair with a coworker as well. It was discussed and made clear MANY TIMES. We had issues – he think I wasnāt āthe girl he marriedā, not as fun. But Iām like dude – I had two kids, now 2 and 4, with 0 family support (Iām an expat), and I still think I was pretty damn good. Why does he keep telling me Iām a good mother ? It doesnāt feel like a compliment but I canāt explain why. I havenāt worked in 5 years – classic case . 7 year itch. Dependant woman who devotes own life to his career. Find affair right before Xmas. Iām grossed out by how completely basic all this is. And I canāt stop crying . While looking after 2 tiny kids. This was an afraid over many weeks with coworker I had to discover on my own, not a confession .
You are already going for divorce, so the next step is evidence of her infidelity.
Depending on where you are, you may be able to use it to get a better result for you in the divorce.
And even if you are somewhere that doesnāt assign fault etc, so your evidence is not useful in that case, you can and should ensure that all her family and all mutual friends know exactly why you are divorcing, so that they can decide if they want to continue to associate with a cheater. And what better way of doing that, then sending them all the screenshots proving that her infidelity goes back to before she asked for the divorce.
I feel terrible for you, but end it now. I don't really understand what she even wants the therapist for, and she's also fine with you not initiating. She doesn't think this is a problem, deep down. The endless rejections will destroy you if you stay with her.
I know, dear heartā¦oh god do I know. Iām 46, and Iāve been used up and spit out by many men just like your guy. Your subconscious is trying desperately to rectify the issue- He says he wants X, but I want Y! Everyone else says he should want Y! If I can just make him believe he should want Y too, then Iāll be happy! If you have to badger someone over and over again to online with you, then that is someone YOU shouldnāt want to on-line with.
I have endless empathy for you; but believe me- you have GOT to get over this āneedā to be attached at the hip to someone. It will strangle anyone you try to have a relationship with, and itās NOT HEALTHY.
Most women need that, and saying youād rather not is saying you donāt care if they have a good time or not during s, and that makes you not want to blow him or have s. That sucks and youāre tired of bad s**.
Spell it out to him like that if you are as deeply in love as you say. He should want to get blown more and take that opportunity.
If you get fed more bs lines, Iād ask him when the last time he had a vagina was. I donāt have one, so I trust the people that do.
If he canāt respond well to being blunt, yeah itās super over.
thatās what iāve been thinking, but i online in a small town so the options are really really limited lol. iāve already got a few things planned out
Depending on where you take things, if you commit to her you commit to her family. Maybe not all in but if she has relations you will never get away with having no relationship. That does t support her and is unrealistic. And there you have it. You have a choice.
Itās not the force of the slaps that makes this abusive, itās him clearly knowing how much it upsets and hurts you and keeps doing it, if he knows it upsets you and does it anyway- functionally he is doing it to deliberately hurt you.
So I had two computers in the early 2000ās that I would let my roommates use also. I was away on a trip with my gf on two separate occasions where both of those computers caught fire. Now I donāt let anyone use my computers. If my girlfriend needed it I would let her but I wouldnāt be happy about it.
Yeah man…I'm overwhelmed dude like not okay dude I can't explain I feel at any moment I'm gonna pop and just end myself but I don't want that. Since I fully supported her for almost 9 years she's never had a job . She has nowhere to take our baby besides her parents trailer and they all smoke crack/ meth. No placefor a breastfed child it's also unclear if I can take care of a newborn myself in this mental state bro I don't wanna sound like a fucking whimp but I can hardly get myself to stay alive each day , pathetic I know but I have no reason to lie to a stranger. I'm disturbed deeply man
I donāt really have a firm opinion on whether or not you get divorced but IMO the child gets to decide if a step parent counts as a full time parent. Sacrificing time and hobbies for children is the bare minimum. That doesnāt make you a good parent.
I think that you might spend some time reflecting on what your role in the household looks like from the kidsā perspective. Really think back to when you first joined the household and whatās transpired since.
IMO the fact that youāre going to bounce out of their lives over the fact that they said they donāt want you around after college feels a bit transactional to me. To be a parent you need to love the child unconditionally and thatās not you.
I mention it in another comment. Her partner sees it as shes the same person she's always been and OP sees this as her completely changing who she is. They are both right.
My husband and I are considered one person. We know everything told to each other. But it never leaves the relationship. Itās common for couples to share secrets
Lol damn op this sucks bht Iām going to be real your adult daughter is really in the wrong hereā¦ sheās a freaking adultā¦ yeah marriage and birth of your kid? Iām sorry birth of kid comes first. Your kid or wife literally could have diedā¦. Amanda should have understood and been a mature adult and maybe you guys celebrated a different date. I would never do that to my dad but he also isnāt young enough to have anymore kids nor would he want them lol but yeah I think you fucked up honestly
Her telling the kids “your biological dad didn't want you” creates what can be considered irreparable damage to his ability to have a relationship with his kids. That's parental alienation. You're not allowed to willingly say and do things that biases the children against their other parent.
While it's true that he denied being the father, he also accused her of infidelity and she never reached out to say hey you have kids now. She chose to not allow him the opportunity to know his kids and drudging up comments he's made in the past does nothing but further separate them. There are tactful ways for her to say he didn't want to be a father and she didn't want to force him without making it sound like he hated their very existence.
The only difference between the two is that the first one is giving her an order politely and the second one is giving her an order abruptly or rudely. You're not asking her to do something, or even negotiating with her nicely, you're telling her what your expectation is of her . . . which is something that people do to their subordinates or lessers. You're using polite words to imply that you expect her to follow your instructions, which is patronising at best.
You won't be able to pretend long that you can stand his stink, especially when you're around family and friends, as special events etc. If you're going to have this person in your life for the foreseeable future you have to decide, can you deal with someone showering maybe two to four times a week? Again unless it's medical ( I have a cousin that has extreme eczema and showering every single day damages her skin but she still finds ways to cleanse her skin so she's not smelly and her hair isn't yucky)
Living together is a totally different ballgame from seeing each other each day, I've been with my partner for a million years and when we were dating we were young we saw each other every day. Living with one another is totally different.
If you online with them you have to consider that you will be smelling them when you are sleeping, when you're watching TV, when you're cooking, after your own shower, when you're intimate, after intimacy, going on dates etc. You're spending a majority of your time in the immediate vicinity of this person, if it is stinky enough to notice I think it's only fair to mention it especially if perhaps it's not something they notice or bothers them.
If it's a medical / depression issue then perhaps trying to find a more gentle way to bring it up, but if it's just convenience/laziness then you have all rights to bring it up…. I wouldn't want to be around someone greasy and stinky when they choose to be greasy and stinky.
If it's medical / depression, that's something that can be discussed and addressed with a doctor.
You want to lie….ok, be a liar.
But quit with the crocodile tears about it.
Admit that you are hedging so you don't have to go out and compete with
other guys for some new pussy. Its not like you are all-fired to be in a
relationship, nor do you care about the whole “christian/non-christian” thing.
I'd bet money that if you had a girl on the other pillow you would certainly
have the “strength” to break up then!
Have a Nice Day.
Thank you for the kind words š I will keep this in mind
Your reaction to his trip was way out of line. Since you can handle him being away for a few days (…) it's for the best that he moved on and blocked you. You shouldn't be dating right now, focus on yourself and your ability to manage your own emotions and self soothe.
Guy 1 is all of that. I know he would do all that for me and he is so loving and caring and thatās what made me fall for him. I think somewhere along the way Iāve forgotten why I started liking him. On a side note: guy 2 has commitment issues but he is actually nice and caring and there for me too. Even now. And I know he would be a nice, caring and affectionate partner to somebody. He would treat his wife like a queen, Iām pretty sure from what I know about him. But I donāt know if he ever will have a wife lol.
YOU donāt like his best friends sister. She maybe doesnāt like you but he has his own opinions. So if you donāt want to marry him because he still follows someone YOU donāt like, donāt marry him. You said you let the jobs go from the first encounter. So youāre mad about her opinion of his behavior. You two have only met twice, if you think sheās unforgivable and you donāt want to get to know her or let her know you, thatās YOUR choice/ Heās known this family since childhood, but yeah you can break up with him for having his own opinion and not defending his own behavior. He probably didnāt want to feed into unnecessary drama.
Would he be willing to sign away his rights so you can place them for adoption?
Wowā¦ thatās a record amount of downvoted.
I upvoted you for your edit. š
heās a jerk, break up with him.
So why are you still with this abusive fool?
Are you dumb?? I have a healthy relationship and I can promise you my boyfriend would let me know beforehand his ex was the only person to care for him just like Iād do the same for him. Itās about respect and letting the other person know. The fact that he didnāt tell her thatās his only friend is weird. My boyfriend can have all the girls in his phone but guess what. He letās me know about all of them. I donāt need to go through his phone. I donāt need the assurance because I trust him to tell me those things. Just like her boyfriend shouldāve told her an ex was taking care of him.
That's what happens when you get greedy.
Learn from it and move on, maybe he'll come back around but who knows.
I promise this isn't a fake post
no she didnāt because those gifts were expensive but tailored to her, her tastes, and her needs. the level of usage theyāll get makes the cost of the items worth it. a $1000 pendant you donāt like doesnāt carry the same benefit. do you see the difference?
Hello /u/contentedsmiley,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Never had that talk since it was all anonymous. Never thought it would come up.
girl, he followed you after you told him to stop. that is not okay. you have shown genuine remorse and concern after hitting him, and you “hate yourself” for it. you are not abusive or a bad girlfriend. abusive people and bad partners feel no remorse or guilt. your bf is in the wrong here, and i truly hope this is not a regular occurence. the thought of doing something to upset my significant other makes me upset, and i would never do that.
Title! Found our husband of 7 years and two toddler had an affair. He knows itās my non negotiable and worst nightmare as my own parents divorced when my dad had an affair with a coworker as well. It was discussed and made clear MANY TIMES. We had issues – he think I wasnāt āthe girl he marriedā, not as fun. But Iām like dude – I had two kids, now 2 and 4, with 0 family support (Iām an expat), and I still think I was pretty damn good. Why does he keep telling me Iām a good mother ? It doesnāt feel like a compliment but I canāt explain why. I havenāt worked in 5 years – classic case . 7 year itch. Dependant woman who devotes own life to his career. Find affair right before Xmas. Iām grossed out by how completely basic all this is. And I canāt stop crying . While looking after 2 tiny kids. This was an afraid over many weeks with coworker I had to discover on my own, not a confession .
You are already going for divorce, so the next step is evidence of her infidelity.
Depending on where you are, you may be able to use it to get a better result for you in the divorce.
And even if you are somewhere that doesnāt assign fault etc, so your evidence is not useful in that case, you can and should ensure that all her family and all mutual friends know exactly why you are divorcing, so that they can decide if they want to continue to associate with a cheater. And what better way of doing that, then sending them all the screenshots proving that her infidelity goes back to before she asked for the divorce.
I feel terrible for you, but end it now. I don't really understand what she even wants the therapist for, and she's also fine with you not initiating. She doesn't think this is a problem, deep down. The endless rejections will destroy you if you stay with her.
Permission from strangers on a Reddit thread? Good one genius!
I know, dear heartā¦oh god do I know. Iām 46, and Iāve been used up and spit out by many men just like your guy. Your subconscious is trying desperately to rectify the issue- He says he wants X, but I want Y! Everyone else says he should want Y! If I can just make him believe he should want Y too, then Iāll be happy! If you have to badger someone over and over again to online with you, then that is someone YOU shouldnāt want to on-line with.
I have endless empathy for you; but believe me- you have GOT to get over this āneedā to be attached at the hip to someone. It will strangle anyone you try to have a relationship with, and itās NOT HEALTHY.
Thatās a fine reason.
Most women need that, and saying youād rather not is saying you donāt care if they have a good time or not during s, and that makes you not want to blow him or have s. That sucks and youāre tired of bad s**.
Spell it out to him like that if you are as deeply in love as you say. He should want to get blown more and take that opportunity.
If you get fed more bs lines, Iād ask him when the last time he had a vagina was. I donāt have one, so I trust the people that do.
If he canāt respond well to being blunt, yeah itās super over.
Even if thatās true isnāt she the idiot for staying with him then? ?
Honeslty I stayed bc he has good qualities but really itās not enough definitely gonna end it
What have you put in your profile?
I changed my mind: red velvet cake with chocolate fudge icing.
Identical hair and body hair, too.
Man, all your friends are twinsies!
Oof man seeing the damage and fall out left in the wake of these churches makes me wonder why theyāre even a thing
thatās what iāve been thinking, but i online in a small town so the options are really really limited lol. iāve already got a few things planned out
Gather as much evidence as you guys can and go to the police
Depending on where you take things, if you commit to her you commit to her family. Maybe not all in but if she has relations you will never get away with having no relationship. That does t support her and is unrealistic. And there you have it. You have a choice.
Itās not the force of the slaps that makes this abusive, itās him clearly knowing how much it upsets and hurts you and keeps doing it, if he knows it upsets you and does it anyway- functionally he is doing it to deliberately hurt you.
So I had two computers in the early 2000ās that I would let my roommates use also. I was away on a trip with my gf on two separate occasions where both of those computers caught fire. Now I donāt let anyone use my computers. If my girlfriend needed it I would let her but I wouldnāt be happy about it.
I pulled out the paper and it was a list of his passwords.
This is where I'm gonna call BS on this story. No one this privacy conscious is going to leave this around
I am the 1%
Now I'm just curious how long you'll keep arguing with me and trying to prove that you're right. Like I said, it's who you are.
Yeah man…I'm overwhelmed dude like not okay dude I can't explain I feel at any moment I'm gonna pop and just end myself but I don't want that. Since I fully supported her for almost 9 years she's never had a job . She has nowhere to take our baby besides her parents trailer and they all smoke crack/ meth. No placefor a breastfed child it's also unclear if I can take care of a newborn myself in this mental state bro I don't wanna sound like a fucking whimp but I can hardly get myself to stay alive each day , pathetic I know but I have no reason to lie to a stranger. I'm disturbed deeply man
I donāt really have a firm opinion on whether or not you get divorced but IMO the child gets to decide if a step parent counts as a full time parent. Sacrificing time and hobbies for children is the bare minimum. That doesnāt make you a good parent.
I think that you might spend some time reflecting on what your role in the household looks like from the kidsā perspective. Really think back to when you first joined the household and whatās transpired since.
IMO the fact that youāre going to bounce out of their lives over the fact that they said they donāt want you around after college feels a bit transactional to me. To be a parent you need to love the child unconditionally and thatās not you.
I mention it in another comment. Her partner sees it as shes the same person she's always been and OP sees this as her completely changing who she is. They are both right.
My husband and I are considered one person. We know everything told to each other. But it never leaves the relationship. Itās common for couples to share secrets
Lol damn op this sucks bht Iām going to be real your adult daughter is really in the wrong hereā¦ sheās a freaking adultā¦ yeah marriage and birth of your kid? Iām sorry birth of kid comes first. Your kid or wife literally could have diedā¦. Amanda should have understood and been a mature adult and maybe you guys celebrated a different date. I would never do that to my dad but he also isnāt young enough to have anymore kids nor would he want them lol but yeah I think you fucked up honestly
Why on earth did you stay in that situation for so long? ?
Her telling the kids “your biological dad didn't want you” creates what can be considered irreparable damage to his ability to have a relationship with his kids. That's parental alienation. You're not allowed to willingly say and do things that biases the children against their other parent.
While it's true that he denied being the father, he also accused her of infidelity and she never reached out to say hey you have kids now. She chose to not allow him the opportunity to know his kids and drudging up comments he's made in the past does nothing but further separate them. There are tactful ways for her to say he didn't want to be a father and she didn't want to force him without making it sound like he hated their very existence.
We broke up he admitted his crimes thank you for the advice lovely ??
So, you're telling me you would be ok having sex with a guy who just walks into your home unannounced? You wouldn't think that person was a stalker?
Highly doubt she will forgive her, and thatās even assuming this relationship lasts. Hooking up with your best friendās sibling is beyond grimy.
The only difference between the two is that the first one is giving her an order politely and the second one is giving her an order abruptly or rudely. You're not asking her to do something, or even negotiating with her nicely, you're telling her what your expectation is of her . . . which is something that people do to their subordinates or lessers. You're using polite words to imply that you expect her to follow your instructions, which is patronising at best.
You need to be honest.
You won't be able to pretend long that you can stand his stink, especially when you're around family and friends, as special events etc. If you're going to have this person in your life for the foreseeable future you have to decide, can you deal with someone showering maybe two to four times a week? Again unless it's medical ( I have a cousin that has extreme eczema and showering every single day damages her skin but she still finds ways to cleanse her skin so she's not smelly and her hair isn't yucky)
Living together is a totally different ballgame from seeing each other each day, I've been with my partner for a million years and when we were dating we were young we saw each other every day. Living with one another is totally different.
If you online with them you have to consider that you will be smelling them when you are sleeping, when you're watching TV, when you're cooking, after your own shower, when you're intimate, after intimacy, going on dates etc. You're spending a majority of your time in the immediate vicinity of this person, if it is stinky enough to notice I think it's only fair to mention it especially if perhaps it's not something they notice or bothers them.
If it's a medical / depression issue then perhaps trying to find a more gentle way to bring it up, but if it's just convenience/laziness then you have all rights to bring it up…. I wouldn't want to be around someone greasy and stinky when they choose to be greasy and stinky.
If it's medical / depression, that's something that can be discussed and addressed with a doctor.
I got my son, wonāt be alone š ?
Wowā¦ hope you never need him to pick up tampons.
And there it is