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I've seen some very similar situations, where both adults were this drunk. It was always referred to as cheating in those cases because you don't do shit when you're drunk that you wouldn't consider when you were sober. That's why being drunk is a terrible excuse for cheating.
The fact that one of them seemed sober doesn't change the fact that the other individual still cheated. He's an asswipe but his actions don't invalidate OP's.
Your wife sounds unempathetic. I can’t really imagine not asking my partner if he’s okay if I notice he’s a bit standoffish/unresponsive. Not to mention I’d definitely let him know if I had someone over. Her berating you immediately after laying down is an overreaction and very inconsiderate/unattuned of her.
Sure you could have said a couple sentences but jfc, how about cutting you some fucking slack lmao