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So sorry you lost your sister. I am going to give you some tough love here because I don't know that others are going to explain some harsh facts about what may be coming.
Through no fault of their own your sisters kids are coming with a huge bag of abandonment and neglect trauma. Of course you will get them into therapy, and it will be very important. But that will not erase the trauma or the behaviors and impact it will have while raising them. Even the youngest will be impacted by the upbringing they have had to this point. Despite the biggest heart and all the help in the world, raising these kids will have a detrimental impact to the time and attention you give to your new babies. There will likely be horrible temper tantrums, very hot to imagine attention seeking behaviors, physical aggression, and other disruptions to your daily life. Your relationship with your partner is going to be tested. All of this will require money as well, possibly including prolonged hospital or residential stays.
Before you legally commit to anything, please find an experienced social worker to prepare you for this type of commitment, and have a long and thorough discussion if your partner is prepared for this as well. Know the resources you need to handle this challenge beforehand. It's going to be NAKED, and adding new twins to the mix is an unimaginable x factor.
Source: Father of 5, with three adopted children with severe attachment and abuse trauma.
The therapy ship has sailed a while ago from what it sounds like. This is now just dealing with emotional abuse. Good luck convincing an abuser that they need therapy too.
Honestly, there is so much more to this story that is even more messed up. But it's in the past and telling it would just be a sob story and I'm already a doormat. I'm not going to be a crybaby also.
I mean, that's probably only going to do the exact opposite of what you want to happen anyway. But you should honestly have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel. Make it a point to spend extra time together, maybe try something new and exciting. It's easier said than done, but the way you've described the situation, it's something to definitely be aware and cautious about. ??♀️
You should feel safe to TOUCH YOURSELF anywhere you want in the PRIVACY of YOUR OWN HOME. PERIOD!
You might be better asking about this somewhere like legal advice
Yes. He has a child out there. One day the child may want to know their bio dad. Some women also don’t date men with kids. And even if he has nothing to do w the kid, she may disagree with that. It’s a lot to take in.
May I ask why you haven't dated more? I've had long-term relationships, I've had short-term relationships. I've dated a lot. I'm sorry to say, but your first relationship is very likely not going to be “the one”. It took me years to find someone I loved through and through. He has his flaws, as do I. But I can actually put up with his shit and never grow tired of it. Statistically speaking, if you know the types of people/the types of traits you don't want in a partner, it may take awhile to find the one that you know is going to stick. This is all new and is a huge learning experience for you. But don't just go with someone who was easy to get with and interested in you and stick with it. The End. Go out there and find what you want in a partner. She may feel like she's settling for you, but you're settling for her more than anything.
You’re a walking red flag ? seem like you enjoy the drama as well to have those people as friends
No. No, no, no. It was NOT a romantic getaway. It was a “romantical trip”. There’s a big difference so obviously OP is not in the wrong. /s
The thing is though if she didn’t have a boyfriend I know she would go out with me
Depends on you. You already know he's over you and he threw a bunch of lame excuses to justify himself. So you should not give a fuck about him anymore. Focus on yourself and what you'll do after the breakup. I don't think it's gonna take too long to forget about him seeing what he did to you
u/Sunnysideup525, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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Really?? GPS location wrong, ON SNAPCHAT?????
Youre in the running for bronze in the mental gymnastics category my friend. And I can understand why, but please. Do not believe this.
Love yourself to do what you need to do, if not she'll walk all over you, with pleaser heels on and not care that she's hiring you.
Wtf?!? So he’s made multiple racist comments?! Why are you still with him? He does not respect you or your friends!
u/beeflower778, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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No shit
Tell him because he deserves to know and deal with the consequences.
Yeah. Therapy. You can understand how someone who agreed a boundary of only having sex with another woman, saw another dick, and somehow the dick-emergence prompted a memory wipe? Wiped her memory of her vows, and agreement with you?
So you must now accept that your wife is powerless around other men's dicks, with your current thinking. Might be helpful to discuss that in therapy…
Idk why you're getting downvoted, this is common sense
She could love him emotionally during this time. That's a no from her too according to OPs comments
The best is actually being together with the other parent instead of being exes
Between that and “Lost his man card”
It needs to end.
You can't rebuild. You messed it up too badly to do so. I actually don't know how you got forgiven the first few times.
You clearly only 'mean it' this time because you're finally facing the normal consequences. Do you not realize he's right not to trust you ever again?
Dump this asshole, you deserve better. His behaviour is childish, cruel and unjustified
I started a chat 🙂
Your friends haven’t manipulated you at all. You’re just a shitty person.
You can pretend all you want that it’s acceptable to send your partner walking on NYE at 9pm because she “knew the deal” but it isn’t.
It’s insensitive and obtuse to invite a partner to NYE celebrations, knowing it has romantic undertones for couples, when you don’t intend to spend the full night with them. You kick her out against her wishes and then dump her because of “vibes” you weren’t even feeling yourself.
The whole thing is actually laughably moronic. I hope this woman blocks you.
Go on the trip and see how things go from there. Just be yourself, pay attention to what she says and her body language. Just be yourself, be playful, tease her and a bit flirty. Pay attention if she's always near you and if she keep touching you. If there's sexual tension, then you'll know she's into you. Then you make a move. Good luck.
God yes.
Yep. I had baby in a different room and ended up MORE exhausted from going back and for from my bed to to settle/feed baby. We all actually got more sleep being in the same bed.
The amount of sex expected seems, high, if you ask me. Are they doing anything to make time and space elsewhere in the day, like ensuring the cleaning, laundry, cooking, mental load (booking appointments etc) aren’t all done by one person? Does his wife get any time to decompress from parenting and feel sexy again?
Sex can also happen in places that aren’t the bed. Baby can be sleeping there while parents get it on elsewhere.
A great person would let you make whatever choices you need to make to be okay right now
I really hope she sees your words, they are very useful.
As an update, I told my partner yesterday that I'm simply not okay with this guy being anything more than a work acquaintance after what has happened so far. I also said she can choose between being friends (and beyond) with this guy or we stay together. She chose me fairly quick, but now I need to actually see her words in action, I guess.
make him work for it? I don't know how, but maybe insist he court you. He wants to be a hunter, make him hunt. He will regret his notes in no time, and will really appreciate you.
it’s even worse, i don’t think he’s clueless. he’s just selfish.
Girl, us women have been trying to win this fight vs the video games for a long time. The only women that have success with these types of men are the ones that are also hardcore gamers. The rest of us just need to avoid them and find guys that like regular fresh air and sunlight. Its gonna always be Game > GF
They recommend 6 months as it can take that long. My sister made her bf wait for 12 months and negative std testing before she was ready to have sex again.
Some people aren't good about appointments. They're not very compatible with people who are good about appointments.
Demon 20 person. It won't let me see what you said. Sorry.
Yes. It’s my preference and on the table for her as well. She doesn’t want “to lose me and the baby” so she’s deciding what to do.
She really cares for you if you want to cry then let it out. You both have something that's very special she will still love you even if you look a bit different. Best of luck!
The crux of the matter is that OP is jealous because of one of the two of them were to be made an offer, she thinks it should be her. Hence the opening re her compensation being so good etc etc.
Your family are weird; are they always this inappropriate? If my mum asked my boyfriend about our sex life, I think we would leave immediately. Your step-dad as well needs his head examined, your parents' obsession with your sex life is very unhealthy.
How you get with them is how you lose them. Can't you see a pattern in your behavior? You jump from being in a relationship with someone to be with someone else and now you want to it again?. There is some issue there that needs to resolved within you.
Rent can be split by the percentage square footage you each have. A couple is not counted as one, it's by person. This is a very difficult split but you should not be an awkward discussion, it should be ironed out before she moves in.
I say invite them, but go to a handful of therapy sessions alone and cry your heart out first. Or rage and shout. Get it out of your system.
You have parents that are still alive. That love and support you and want to be there for you.
Your parents can’t dictate your sex life and you can’t dictate theirs. Take them as they are. Your post rails on your mom a lot and not your dad at all. This is concerning also. Do the therapy. Get over the shock it’s been 6 years. You have a great fiancé and life ahead of you. Let them support you.
Stop obsessing about them (especially your mom???) and worry about your fiancé and your wedding. So much in life you have to be grateful for with two alive parents who want to be there for you.
You are not lord and master over all living things. Better to move on already, the sooner the better
Thank you for pointing that out, I really appreciate it, and I am planning on talking with her soon about this things, and I will definitely ask her about what specifically she sees her/our future as
He does sound like he is emotional cheating on you.
Make your exit plan.
Get your ducks in a row.
Contact a lawyer to determine your next steps.
Get financials in order.
OP should have stopped breastfeeding her baby to be considerate? I don't think knowing the exact terminology or issues is really required to see that this is completely unreasonable.
You give terrible advice and should break up with your therapist.
This! Her reasons are entirely selfish and completely disregard the danger of your son having a difficult time breastfeeding as well as physically hurting you.
My son has two dads. Take it for the gift it is and stop overthinking it.
I agree with you that open and honest communication is important, but the first sentence of your comment is unwarranted and unacceptable.
There is definitely a societal pressure to have a large penis. Having a large penis is linked with masculinity, confidence, maturity, and many other positive attributes. Phrases like “big dick energy.” On the other hand, telling someone that they have a small dick as an insult insinuates they’re angry, immature, insecure, controlling, and many other negative attributes.
Unfortunately, many men are indoctrinated to believe that their penis size is linked to their manhood and identity, and an inability to please their partner due to a lack of size is thought to be a massive failing as a man.
I’m not saying this way of thinking is correct or an excuse to avoid healthy communication. But what I’m saying is that the topic needs to be approached with care and understanding, because our society has made it a sensitive topic. Men who attempt to explain their rationale behind this insecurity, they are laughed off, insulted, told they shouldn’t be dating women?
How are men supposed to open up and communicate when they are shamed and bullied in this way?
The net result of being ‘open to mostly anything’ is a situation like this. You give and inch and she takes a mile. Her comments do not scream on her affection and it seems very much like you are being used.
However, you know who she is and allow it so you are to blame too. Accepting a little infidelity means she knows she can keep doing it and you will placidly accept it. You allow her to have secret conversations with ‘new’ guys then snoop on conversations to see what she does. Why waste the energy? You already know she is a cheat.
Stop wasting your time. Either throw the trash out or continue being open for anything, which here seems to mean providing an economic comfy spot while she engages with men she likes more. Weakness encourages people to take advantage.
I doubt he will move on at this point. It may be better for you to end it now.
He sounds insufferable.
Oh hun, you are doing something that you like to do. Hell, if you want to read comic books with wine to unwind you should do it without be judged. Your bf sounds boring asf and a complete know-it-all while you are actually down-to-earth and are enjoying what you do.
If he wants to act like a complete and total asshole because you like reading anything that isn’t boring, it is his loss and not yours. You should want to be with someone who actually appreciates you and doesn’t want to knock you down just because you don’t act like a 70 year old.
Don’t change what you like to do to please other people or you will either resent them or fall out of love with reading and be miserable. Pick your happiness even if this boring ass isn’t part of it.
Um. He broke up with you. He hurt you. Do you really want to wait around in the hope that he will change his mind?
He told you that he broke up with you because he gets hurt not being able to be with you physically. That makes no sense. If he wants to be with you, he wouldn't break up with you. Best guess – he wants to be free to be with someone else without cheating, and thinks this is a way to let you down easy.
Don't wait around passively. Cut off contact (at least for a while), go out and have some fun with friends, and go on a date or two with other guys. Wallowing in your post-break-up misery isn't going to help you. And he's probably not coming back.
Why are you calling me a stud?
Honestly not saying he doesn't suck, a lot, I just disagree with the approach of going into a discussion with the assumption that the other party is acting maliciously.
does he know the chain was placed on the desk when you touched it?
does he know the chain was placed on the desk when you touched it?
does he know the chain was placed on the desk when you touched it?
does he know the chain was placed on the desk when you touched it?
OK. And do you guys have any set times where you do video calls or have virtual dates? Or are you just winging communication at this stage?
Selfish people do selfish shit and then pull up selfish reasons to justify their selfishness. I have no time for people like OP and the bullshit lives they foist on others.
How could being with someone so horrible cause you any joy? You may feel it's impossible to leave but there is always a way. Reach out to all of the places other people have listed for help. Look for resources at college. Find a way because this man is very bad news.