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Exactly, that is horrible Brittney Spears level control thinking there, she is a 22 year old adult, not a child. I mean the hyperbolic calling her a monster? I agree cat fishing is ethically wrong, but it’s hardly monster level evil jeez, especially when it seems motivated by wanting to talk and be close to a brother who has shut everyone out. Still wrong and she needs to stop.
I would lose it if P has been lying this whole time. Super rich and works with Elon Musk? Sounds like something a high schooler would say at a party to trick a chick into shagging him. Hopefully OP gets burned nude by this one ?
I'm just going to be blunt..LEAVE… Period… He doesn't deserve you, Ave doesn't respect you…GTFO.
So, I personally don’t see it as a trust thing. I agree that it absolutely could be, there’s a lot of comments here saying that she’s gonna cheat on him, etc, which I don’t necessarily agree with because I don’t know her. But if I were to be in this situation and find this out (which, my partner and I have discussed this at length and are both entirely monogamous so I’ve never been in this situation), I’d feel weird about it. Not because I don’t trust him, but because I want to be with a person who has the same views on relationships as me. I want someone who agrees with me that if I’m in a relationship it’s only me and them and that’s it. I wouldn’t think he was going to cheat, but I would think we just don’t align.
It’s kind of akin to if I found out my boyfriend didn’t really want kids but still would have them if it made me happy. I wouldn’t want that. I want someone who wants kids just as much as I do. I want someone who sees their life spent with children, the same way I want someone who sees their ideal life being spent with only one person. I hope that makes sense, but I agree that some of the comments here clearly see it differently than I do.
Even to randomly consider much less WANT an open relationship and voice that is a red flag. There’s a lot of steps before announcing a kink, fetish, or major changes to a relationship. I would be out the door.
What’s to say she won’t have an ‘open relationship’ without telling you… since she’s already thought about having sex with others and being “happy” to do so
Honestly, just talk to her mate. Y'all should've been communicating
Why would he contact me again if I had been blocked though? And the first time you were blocked, did you take it as some sort of « sudden betrayal? » (friendship wise)
It’s is disgusting and inappropriate and very dismissive and disrespectful towards you and your trauma that they still spend time with someone who abused you. I’m sorry. That is wrong. It is wrong of anyone to allow an abuser to have access to children. They know what he did to you and they’re willing to let it happen again to another child? Insane. I’m sorry. Your parents are absolutely wrong here.
Your boundary isn’t dumb in my opinion. But even if it was objectively dumb, it’s still your boundary. You’re allowed to set whatever boundaries work for you. I think it’s crazy he has pictures of other women on his lockscreen. In a million years I wouldn’t think of putting a lockscreen of people that weren’t my wife or kids.
I think you need to stand ground here. I’m not saying this is a divorce situation, but he has to respect you enough to not go to a topless bar when he knows you aren’t comfortable with it.
Thank you. Yes, your 2nd sentence is correct. When I was young I was avoidant and didn't want emotional closeness and it's now difficult to experience it in reverse with an older woman who admits that she kind of has an emotional void when it comes to love and romance. Therein lies the rub. I don't want to be hasty and sabotage the relationship. It's a tricky one…it's often the women who are loving and not the men. Time will tell. Thanks again for your response.
If he wouldn't buy things for himself he wouldn't think to do it for others. Also, you clearly didn't appreciate his other gifts enough so
The one reason why i don't want to friends again with this person is because during the relationship also they took me for granted pretty often and i kind of have a feeling that with the friendzone path it's going to be the same…
We are talking but I’ve talked about a lot of stuff with the first guy, we’ve connected over childhood stuff and talked for hours every night and really opened up. He’s been helping me strive to be better and I’ve been using a lot of my therapy lessons in this “relationship”
Great! That sounds promising.
These things happen. Its okay to let people down. Its a risk we all take when it comes to dating. We make ourselves vulnerable for a shot of love. Being let down is a part of the process.
What's the alternative? You keep the connection ongoing when you're not really into it? Does that sound fair to him? Building up false hope the longer it goes? That is how people become even more hurt.
It's better to let someone down earlier than later.
And you said that you want to do things right with the other… putting an end to the other would be the right thing to do for everyone involved.
Leave the chat, don't buy any of them gifts ever again and move on with life, it's too short to fuck around trying to make shitty people happy
You're the other woman OP.
It's only been two months cut your losses.
this is fucking weird
I'm aware, but I've always made more than him. Even when we were just dating. Sure, the gap is larger now but he was never the one making more
Thank you so much. Your comment is probably one of the most helpful and understanding I've seen today. I have been seeing quite a few comments, some of them for some reason I can't respond to, but a couple people saying my fiancé's lying, my fiancé's family's lying, and I know that is 100% not true. I've known them over 4 years, they would never lie about something like that. They definitely didn't know. This is honestly my first Reddit/advice post, but I've been on this site for a while so I knew exactly what to expect lol
I'm gonna get my second opinion hopefully tomorrow and see what my options are! I think the best option would be to replicate this one with real materials because from what I've researched, I'm afraid this ring won't even make it to our wedding (we're doing a long-term engagement). Then I'll sit down and talk to my fiancé about what to do. They may have gotten defensive because they were more disappointed than they let on, and I just want them to know this ring means a lot to me, that's why I don't want anything to happen to it.
Also… yes lol I never thought her view about jewelers was reasonable. I get being cautious, but she essentially didn't want me going to any jeweler and just tried to tighten it herself (something I learned is a massive no no) lol I love my mom very much, but she can be quite neurotic.
Lol…why y’all get married so young?
OP, you said in another post 4 months ago that your wedding was in 20 days at that point. So unless this is a made up post, you got with your current husband immediately upon leaving your husband, and have only been married for a very short while.
The one other occasion you mentioned where he acted like this, was it before you married him?
Common for whom? Liars?
I've never had a partner lie about their income, let alone what they paid for certain items. This guy is a wall of red flags. OP needs to drop this guy and move on. He's not the future she's looking for.
Get tested for what? Std?
Me and my partner are exactly the same, I’m always freezing but in bed I give off so much heat
We cuddle for a couple minutes when we first get in bed, then we have our own space!
In summer we barely touch when we get in bed!
I can't tell if your partner is someone who is spontaneous (albeit to a fault) or is someone who feels the need to take on everything by themselves. Either way, there's a clearly a problem with him failing to communicate his intentions.
Bringing you lunch during your work day, or stopping by a cafe and grabbing you a drink, or bringing you flowers, or sticking love notes in the fridge is the extent of what most people expect with surprises.
The family dinner reservation is something that should have been discussed with you. Any major purchases, including vacations, or adopting pets, or anything involving other people should not be “surprises”.
I think you might be able to set reasonable boundaries by suggesting that surprises should be limited in price and frequency. You'd have to figure out a way to phrase it so it doesn't sound so cold and robotic though lol. And at the very least, suggest that major life events (like the birthday dinner) need to be discussed as a TEAM. Because he is not just your partner, you are HIS partner, and partners work together.
Time dating is an excuse to not tell her either. Covering up the act is still part of the cheating. If you really claim to “care about gf's feelings”, you would want the gf to at least get a heads up on the kind of people she's been dealing with.