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Honestly this post was refreshing to read, so many times I read posts where the abused person doesn't even attempt to leave and instead tries to give reasons they can't. It's heartbreaking when someone is abused and doesn't believe they are worth anything or anyone better. I'm so glad you were able to get out and go to your mom – someone who probably loves you more than anyone else on the planet – and begin the separation process.
These apologies & love bombing text messages are far from over OP, you may want to consider obtaining an order for protection / restraining order and please for the love of goodness, don't go back! Feelings are not facts, and they are not permanent. You will see the light at the end of the tunnel sooner than later, as long as you stay away from this monster!
So she's known your pal since he was 9? That's paedo behaviour, tell your mate and his parents, that's dirty.
If he loved you, he wouldn't lie to you, gaslight you when he gets caught, and most importantly…he wouldn't stick his dick in other people.
He does not love you.
At most, he's manipulating you to keep you from breaking up with him.
There is no happy ending with this man, there never will be, and if you try to have one…you'll wake up in the middle of the night, married to him for a year, and realize he's not home because he's cheating on you again.
It doesn't matter who he cheats with, or what gender they are. He's a cheater.
You haven’t done anything wrong. It isn’t like you were keeping the videos because you’re hung up on your ex (that’s a different story), but it was a shock to her system and her emotions. If she struggles to process emotions (like those with BPD often do), it will take her some time accept what she saw and realize it is not a fracture to her trust in you. Of course, it would not be something a new partner would like to see, but it does happen sometimes. Just apologize to her for making her feel hurt or uncomfortable in any way, not that you did anything wrong, again, but as a compassionate human, understanding that this hurt her and apologizing for how she feels will/should go a long way. Then give her some time and space to process her feelings. Don’t pressure her about needing space. Just give her a few days to get through the hurt and initial shock.
Thank you so much for the kind words!
I said that I disagree completely with the content of their message. That can be separated from the fact that a message was sent in the first place. Also it was a mutual decision to take the weekend to decide if we should remain together, I am not “looking for the exit sign”. I want to remain together but cannot sacrifice what I believe.
He has an addiction. Like any other addiction he obviously can’t stop. Healthy people can play a game a little and leave it to live their life, he is not doing that. He is not going to stop doing this. If you decide to leave he will probably beg and say he’s gonna stay off it, but honestly at this point he needs to throw it away.
Because children under 16 or 18 are considered too young to be able to legally consent to sexual activities, yeah, it's illegal.
It's completely false information which is invented by dudes who have problems with insecurity and so try to date people with little to no experience then their date has no way to tell if you are a good or bad date.
Call it purity if you want but it's just insecurity. I've dated plenty of women from all types from the supposed “easy” girls to a an Oxford graduate physicist and how much they enjoyed sex had zero bearing on our relationships
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I don´t say he is right for doing it. But porn addiction is a completely different serious problem which you guys are downplaying by calling hhim porn addicted
Be calm and tell her you need time before making a move like that. Let her know that you like to spend time with her but you’ve learned that moving too fast is an issue and not your preference to be rushed. Also make it clear that you need your own personal space and room but she is welcome to come and stay some nights during the relationship. Cohabitation can end relationships and cause issues if not approached with thought.
youre the start of it duh
Sounds like a you problem. Just like I'm not interested in explaining why this woman should be relegated to hanging out by herself in a broom closet because she offends you.
Kick her ass.
Yea, I’m not sure.
In all honesty I wouldn't want to be with a partner who had ever been this kind of person, even if he really has changed (and we don't know that he has; he may just be saying that).
Maybe that's a bit harsh of me, but that's how I feel.
But that's me. Maybe you want to forgive him. Then the question is, can you? Will you ever be able to not think about this or wonder if he truly has changed? Even if you want to trust him, is it even possible?
Frankly I think you'll be happier in the long run if you move on.
What the actual fuck is wrong with your husband?? I don’t even need to know what other factors would play into this potential divorce, because I would personally divorced him over just this incident. What an AH. I’m sorry, OP.
Think of how fortunate you are to be able to throw a tantrum that both you and your girlfriend want to get you your dream gift. Then apologize to her.
I think it is insane in this economy to borrow money to pay for a wedding. I also think it is shallow and materialistic to set such stock in the cost of the ring. I would be more interested in securing my financial future than putting on a show for everyone else to enjoy. You both are very young though and have different priorities.
You can keep dating her and deal with all this maybe they will come around or maybe they won’t, the point is know you cannot change them and this may add hurdles in your date life. Good luck
Date a woman. That will be $50 (insurance handles the first 80%)
Thanks man, appreciate it!
Looks like google says around $300,000
I mean college, on average, is the best path to a good paying job. The statistics back this up. A good part of that is likely from networking that happens at universities.
Yes there are plenty of non degree well paying jobs, but again on average, it is likely someone will not make as much without a degree.
Honest question for you – is there a part of you that’s averse to leaving your wife because it could lead to her taking your son away, as you described happened to you when you were a kid?
You’re the one overthinking this.
I handled well on a different sub where there was more mature people
No you didn't. We can all see your comments from that post. The immaturity + self-centeredness was still there.
Maybe growing up and learning some introspection might do you some good. If 100 people come to the conclusion that you're jealous and conceited based on your telling of the events, you should probably examine yourself and figure out why.
2 months ago he told her he “LOVES” her.
Dump him
Ok i will
Time to cut contact and get over her
Well, arranged marriages are often challenging because it wasn’t a choice and the two people don’t actually get along.
He’s almost twice your age, in a different stage of life, and frankly, he’s probably gay which is why he’s almost 40 and just married to a very young woman who he has no interest in.
I get that there are cultural differences so I’m coming at it from a western approach but…you’re wasting your time here. You’re so young. You could find a partner who actually likes you.
IF you tell her you want to see her phone, because you think she is cheating, and she refuses, it is because she is in fact cheating.
I am sorry it has come to this, but I think you should simply break up with her. She has cheated on you ,and therapy will not change it.
You need another agreement, and that is that you will not be forced into the role of primary caregiver; and if you are, all bets are off and you're out.
Yeah, I'm dead serious about this. There are still way too many people in the world who think that caregiving is women's work. Ask me how I know.
I doubt you forgot you were flirting with others, unless you have a more general memory issue.