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I'm not sure what advice I can offer without a time machine lol.
From what you have said he is a vain, liar with backwards views and seemingly not that much to offer and a lot to demand.
So I guess
Finances and want to become this allowing essentially become a housewife working part time for your own personal purchases. This seems the natural progression from what I've understood and would take a lot of stress away and maybe make things a bit fairer.
Find the root cause Get to know his parents a lot more (assuming this is possible) these problems you've mentioned are all nurtured things that have been instilled into him. If for example he acted the same or very similar to his dad assume your life will end up like his mother should you choose to continue.
I would say couples therapy but from what I've ready the mere suggestion would be denied and taken as an insult that would need to be countered with equal force and insult so I guess that's off the table so the other suggestion is looking at/ considering divorce.
Good luck to you either way just make sure to keep yourself safe and employable even if that's just making sure you have your own bank account and keeping a job even if it's 1or 2 days a week.
I’ve just arrived at my mums with a week of clothes and devised a plan for if he doesn’t do x, y and z. Thanks for your thoughts.