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If you feel like it's a problem and have talked to him before over this length of time- especially since he put his hands on u you before he even moved in- it's time to end it. Of course, immediately after the incidents he's going to be contrite and swears never to do it again. How many times has he said that? And yes, I'm sure his sober behavior is different. That's the way it is with addicts, and he won't get sober unless he wants to. Not just because you are threatening to leave. But as long as he's drinking, his behavior ain't change, and that includes his behavior towards you. (My dad was an alcoholic and while he didn't touch my mom, he couldn't keep his pants zipped for the longest time). If you don't leave, next time, leave his butt on the floor after making sure he's okay. And any time after that. He will continue to speak to you like that when he's drunk and continue not to remember it. But how long until he hits again? You need to take care of you.
Yikes, this just sounds like another dime a dozen relationship where a much older person is taking advantage of a younger person. How long have you guys been together?
So he thinks you're immature at 23 but still dating you. Hmm, I wonder why that is. He verbally abuses and manipulates you. This is a “strict” boundary for you except you're still with him so you either don't know what strict is or youre lying to yourself.
He's manipulating you and by your own post is taking no steps at all to address what he believes may be the issue (bpd).
Him breaking up with you will be doing you a huge favor. Go to Milan. You're niave if you stay with this clown. But it probably was never going to work. Even if this relationship wasn't toxic as shit.