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Wow, this is a whole situation. Kudos to you for handling it with a level head thus far and trying to make the best of a bad situation, being very reasonable with your 'friend'.
A couple of years back, I had gradually loaned a friend of mine money under the guise that he would pay me back when he got a job. He had some drug problems and other personal issues that were holding him back and I should have thought more about it prior to getting deep. Nothing crazy but he owed me a few thousand~.
Then he died of a drug overdose and I was left with what I found out to be a bad situation at our household as he had not been paying all of the rent and had us in a few holes.
Ultimately I pulled myself out of the situation (no real choice there) and have moved on with my life. The reason I say this is that I stressed him and myself out about that money for the last few months he was alive. At the time it was stressful but in the long run it was trivial, yet he took with him to the grave that divide between us.
He was my best friend and I miss him dearly despite how he treated me near the end.
If this friend is important to you, forget about the money. It will be stressful for a time, but having personal connections is one of the greatest things in life. My thoughts at least, without knowing you or your friend.
Just my own personal experience where if I could go back, I'd have not bothered fighting him over it.
These people sound awful.
I see your points but it’s a bit of a reductionist mentality to think it can’t be real love. Like you really can’t deduce that it can’t be love from a few paragraphs about a relationship.
!remindme 2 days
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How long are you together? Personally if you just meet why meet parents? For me i think you should introduce your partner only if it's been some time. Like at least a year, definitely no if you feel like its not going to last.
She gaslit you when she turned it around on you consoling her. She should not have doen that or have laughed at you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would bring it up again and honestly tel her how you feel about that whole conversation. And mention that her sudden long needing consolation when you’re trying to talk about your feelings is unfair and rude.
Perhaps having a mediator like a couples therapist would help.
Hah that’s what it is. I do dread socializing with him and I feel terribly about it. I know I want to be with someone who is proud to have me at their side at events, but I get really nervous he’s going to offend someone by saying something a bit callous. Something I will keep in mind, thank you for you input.
It changes EVERYTHING. He made a little comment 13 years ago.
13 years ago I could have said I could kill for a burger, doesn’t mean that today I’m a serial killer.
You are reading way too much into a 13 year old comment.
Why would you be horny after a day of work and then you get to come home and take care of kids, dinner, baths , dishes, laundry and then when you are done your husband gets mad that you don't habe the energy to have sex .. not only is he mad he's manipulating you to be his sex slave by saying if you don't do what I want I'll knock up some other woman and it's your fault. You have man child for a husband. If it was me my vagina would be as dry as the Sahara.
Girl… you're spending WAY too much emotional energy on a guy who literally does not love you. Let that sink in. You are so young, please leave him.
Id leave my partner for this.
I wouldn’t be able to deal with this level of insecurity & entitlement to ownership of what happens inside my mind and my body.
Go find someone who doesn’t like porn.
My ex was into porn. Probably a little too into it but not to the level of an addiction or anything. It made me uncomfortable. I eventually got over it.
Then I got into feminism and now it makes me uncomfortable for different reasons. Now my objectives to porn are far more based in whether or not it is ethical instead of being jealous of the men who consume it. In fact, I’m typically not attracted to men who are heavy into porn anymore.
My current bf doesn’t watch porn. We’ve discussed it and the ethical questions it poses and agreed we don’t want to partake. It’s great. In my experience though, it’s very hot to get a staunch porn fan to stop. They’ll lie and say they have stopped when they haven’t. They’ll make every excuse to defend it. You either have to accept it or move on.
You’re really young and tbh at your age I don’t think it’s worth it to be with a man you’re not 99.9% happy with who you don’t 99.9% trust. You’re only young once — don’t waste it trying to convince yourself you’re okay with something you’re not.
I have adhd so I dont have object permanence and we've talked about it. We are also both really weird with commitments and stuff so I said smth like I think I like you because I think about you even if you are not around and if you feel the same Im open to exploring, no strings attached. At first he thought it was from a movie and I told him to reject me like a normal person and dont play dumb. Then he texted me bunch of question marks and then I told him that was me saying those words to him its NOT FROM A MOVIE. And then he left me on read
That is the typical tradition though.
I hope you are able to overcome your mental health issues so that you and your husband can have the life you envisioned. But it doesn't sound like you are looking at this as if you expect you will. Thinking he's currently ready to divorce you when it doesn't seem he's said that (yet), already telling him he can travel with others in the future, anticipating that if you conquered your phobia, it would return – that all sounds so negative.
Love does come with a lot of conditions that aren't always expressed or anticipated. Partners fall in love with their people the way they are, and with the ideals and lifestyles they have and expectations for the future. When for whatever reasons, they are no longer those people, it's very hot and sometimes impossible.
Thank you ! Yes , I think he is being very close-minded about Mexico.
That’s a really good message to send, actually. I might send something like that tomorrow and see how it goes.
You married way too quickly for his visa. Then you moved away from your dream school for him where the visa isnt even needed, all within two years.
You got married for him. You left your dream school and moved countries for him. While studying and working you're doing the majority of the household chores for him. When you question the distribution of labour in the house he goes nuclear and lashes out about how he doesnt actually love you and want a divorce. When you agree instead of backing down and accepting the work balance to make him stay, he comes crawling back regretting it and didnt actually mean it.
Its just been two years. Look at all you have done for him. Look at how he reacts when you just want him to meet you more in the middle after all you've done for him. You're so young, dont get stuck with someone who demands so much of you and offer so little of themselves that they lash out at you for having reasonable needs.
Okay a couple things here.
She's only 23 – these are her younger years. That's not a lot of time. In fact you're both young.
Her talking like that to you is not normal or appropriate. It's entirely uncalled for and she must not care about your feelings at all.
She's allowed to do whatever she wants without judgement, there's nothing wrong with either of your feelings towards sex, but I highly doubt this relationship is going to last. The two of you don't seem compatible.
he's a creeeeeeeeep. Go to HR
thats way too many games friend (and not the fun kind). She's being manipulative, selfish, and controlling. Even without the bs with the ex, is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Do you think its reasonable for your partner to get upset over something like that? Is it reasonable to use the silent treatment as a means of punishment and then get mad and turn the tables when you dont give in to their childish behavior?
Go back to therapy. You’re not over this man. Leave him alone.
If you were deciding, What would perfect sex with your boyfriend involve?
How does your current sex life differ from that ideal? Obviously he'd ideally go down on you, but what else?
I’m sober. You are married to an alcoholic. We lie, cheat and steal to get what we need. We destroy everything good in our lives. You have no power. He had to want to quit and that’s obviously not happening. I strongly suggest Al-anon. It’s for people who love alcoholics. You will find so much support and get a very realistic view of what you have to look forward to. It’s not good. It will help you make the decision you need to make. This won’t get better.
I think ANY time one partner is rushing the other toward marriage it’s reason enough to postpone.
I’m sure there are exceptions, but this situation isn’t one of them.
Yes, your divorce experience has made you cautious… that’s not a bad thing! Your experience has taught you that marriage is not a fairy tale and that it’s important to be really truly sure.
He changed. Women are turned on by how their partners make them feel outside of the bedroom. Not your fault. Just natural. Talk to him about his behaviour and its effects on you. If he doesn't think it is a problem then you have your answer
The bigger problem here is that she lied to you multiple times about the nature of their relationship. This alone should be grounds to leave the relationship, and she knew this – hence the lying. The fact that she insists on meeting him face to face to give him an explanation is pretty bs, and doubly so for making you feel bad about asserting your boundaries. You guys have only been going out for 4 months – tread carefully.