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Then read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
I just made a lista of things to do today with him. Including checking prices of the shrink. Also send him the list.
We are currently not speaking só lets see how this goes
You’re right but I hate this answer lol
He deleted it lol. What did it say?
Yeah that's the next plan of action when I see him next. I'm cool if he hangs out with his friends, why wouldn't I? But I didn't like the sudden flake cause I was excited, and the way I was talked to. Thanks for your input
Nahhh, I don’t owe them a smile and a hi because that wouldn’t be a fair representation of how these situations make me feel and I’m not putting on airs for people I don’t want to be talking to anyways.
I’m not an insane person, I didn’t fly off the handle, my kids online in the real world and are not in harms way by seeing a moment of dad feeling quietly frustrated, lol. Petulant child? That part might be partially true.
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Girl…he is not the man for you. Go ahead & plan an exit & be on your way.
You're bloody selfish. You're a coward. And I feel fucking mad and sad for your fiancé. I doubt you will, but you have to tell him. He deserves better than starting a marriage with a woman who cheated on him for so long and hid it.
The consequences you may face? Deal with them. You're an adult woman who made her choices. It doesn't matter if you were the most virtuous person on the planet before, it means nothing – it doesn't change the fact that you and POS doctor #2 chose to cheat on your partners.
You had many chances to stop this and you didn't. If you care one bit about the wonderful man you say your fiancé is, you'll tell him.
Well, that would explain her behaviour. Find yourself a book about how to online with an autistic partner.
So he’s flying off the handle with exaggerations which is nothing more than a manipulation tactic. You are right, his communication skills suck. He knew you were exhausted, he had ample time to start romantic gestures or choose to be a gentleman and make sure his wife gets some beauty sleep.
And what’s with the jokes? It makes me inclined to think these were not jokes, that is not something you joke about. If it turns out to be true, don’t allow that assclown to manipulate you into assuming any blame, it’s all his fault.
My evidence is anecdotal, I can’t offer any valid peer reviewed studies or stats.
In my (44F) experience, a lot of people get wrapped up in the “checklist” of life and don’t put a whole lot of thought into marriage, house, kids, etc. it’s just something they feel they’re “supposed to do”.
With regards to kids specifically, I know quite a few people who love their kids but hate being parents. If they’re doing it right (parenting that is), so much of their life is put on hold in order to focus on kids. Hobbies are stopped or at least greatly ratcheted back. Same with travel . Same with alone time with their partner. I don’t think many people feel comfortable saying it out loud because they feel guilty about it.
I also know quite a few men and women who knew they didn’t want kids at all but were coerced—kids or divorce. All of them are good parents and love their kids but they developed a lot of resentment for their spouse and in each case (I’m thinking of 8 couples) they’re divorced.
To me, the biggest issue isn’t that he regrets having 3 kids, it’s that he’s openly showing preference to the oldest. That’s a great way to mentally fuck up kids.
I think that had I gotten married to my ex fiancé in my mid 20’s, I’d have kids of my own. I always just assumed I would because that’s what people did where I grew up in the Midwest. But I knew deep down that I wanted to be able to have the career I wanted (involves a lot of travel) and wanted to continue with my time consuming hobby (horses), and continue with my volunteer work in wildlife rescue. None would be possible with kids.
So by the time I met my husband at 30 who had 2 kids from a prior marriage, I finally admitted to myself (and everyone around me) that I didn’t want biological children. Being a stepmom, at least I’m not the primary parent or ultimate responsible. I can opt in on my involvement.
I can appreciate that you’re upset about this revelation but I’d encourage you to hold your judgement and understand that he’s being vulnerable and honest. If you smack down in this, he’s more likely to shut down and the couples counseling will become worthless. You both need to feel like your therapist’s office is a safe space for honesty and vulnerability even if it may hurt the other person.
Good luck. ❤️
she'll be a repeat offender. you can't fix broken people
Ah, so it wasn't just me who heard it! Good to know
This guy sounds like a sociopath/psychopath that has learned how to function “successfully” in society. Stay away.
Honey, you’ll be thankful for this breakup later regardless of how you feel about it now. He was being unreasonably controlling and if you’d caved to him on this, he would have started controlling other aspects of your life and your interactions with other people. It starts with guys, then it’s friends and family.
He’s a walking bag of red flags no matter how much you love him. Honestly, I think deleting anyone from your life already, unless they were actively hitting on you, was probably already caving too much.
“I trust you but not them” is also a common bullshit line. If it’s them he distrusts, and he distrusts them that much, then he’s implying he thinks that any/all of these guys would violate your consent at any moment (be it through harassment or worse). It doesn’t really hold water when you think about the logical conclusions.