Thank you, it is difficult for me to realize that I need to after all this time I’ve been with him, his actions are wrong and he made me feel as if I’m always in the wrong.
Maybe use it while he’s around. If he asks why your using it and just say, “I have to get off somehow, because the minute we have sex for you to get off doesn’t do it”
If you wait, what are you gonna do? Put on an act in order to pass a nice, fake christmas? Act like you feel, making the holiday bad nonetheless? How are both these option better than doing it now?
Being incapable of doing a basic life skill is sometimes seen as lazy, regardless of money. Reason being, you rely on your financial situation to feed yourself and your spouse and if you weren’t in the position you were in you would be useless in the kitchen. Hypotheticals aside, acts of service and meaningful action (although you may not enjoy it) is important in a relationship.
I think she's on the fence, and maybe a bit scared, but she's enjoying knowing she can have you if she wants. Getting together with someone else (i.e making her a little jealous and reminding her that you're not just waiting around for her, forcing her to stake a claim on you and show her intentions) might work in your favour here.
What are you waiting for? For him to intimidate you into staying because you're too afraid of his anger to leave? He already knows you don't like confrontation. If he hit you, would you stand your ground or back down?
Get out before it gets to that point. Tell him OVER THE PHONE that if he cares for you, then he needs to work on being a better man through therapy. Don't put your own life at risk.
Growing up in a household where my parents very strict views of weight caused me to have body dysmorphia and probably disordered eating, your wife needs therapy. And perspective. I say that with kindness, but the sentiment is very serious.
The most important thing parents can do for kids is model healthy eating behaviors and incorporate family exercise routines (a walk around the neighborhood after dinner or weekend hikes/bike rides, for example). Don’t over regulate their diets, unless they have diabetes or allergies or food texture issues. Let them eat the occasional slice of cake for breakfast or get an extra hard dog off the grill. Have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies for snacks. Encourage drinking water.
Your mother is a role model and should be treated as such. She can even be a cautionary tale at some point, but the important parts are that she sought help and she has worked her way down to a healthy weight and physical activity level. Period.
I have sympathy for your wife and her concerns, but having lived in the environment that she’s attempting to create, she is going to cause more harm than good.
Thank you so much. We have had this conversation before, and we both didn’t realize that it was a vulnerability issue. I think me and my girlfriend would agree that we are quite vulnerable with each other, but for things that affected us separately and we’ve both dealt with for a longer amount of time (ex. my girlfriends struggle with mental health and my struggle with loneliness). She comforted me saying that our relationship means so much more than all the things she’s done in the past and those things mean nothing to her in hindsight. Whenever it does come up it does make me feel better, and with time I’ve thought about it less and become more comfortable. Your comment made me ask myself a question I hadn’t thought of yet: would I care so much if I had experienced the same amount of things as her? And I honestly think I wouldn’t. I would probably accept her actions as much as I accept mine, but since I haven’t I let it get to me more. I didn’t think I had that much of a need for control until your comment, and it really opened my eyes. You are a great person and thank you for taking the time out of your day to help me with this. Thank you so much!!
Is this someone who I want to has as the foundation of my future life?
His arrest does not show good decision making.
he also may not go to prison… I don't know how plea bargains go these days..but he will have a felony? record.
Learn about “The Fallacy of Sunk Cost”…where people don't want to give something up because they have put so much time into it even though it doesn't meet their needs anymore.
BPD as in borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder? Either way treatment is usually a combination of medication and therapy. Borderline responds well to dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). If he is in a crisis (aggressive/violent, suicidal, excessively euphoric, manic) it's best to call his therapist, mental health crisis line, or emergency services.
DID and autism NEED to be diagnosed by a professional as there are many other conditions that have similar symptoms and treating the wrong condition with the wrong thing can end very badly. And both conditions have far reaching effects in to many areas of life.
Sorry but I wouldn't trust a dang word he is saying. Someone who wants to make a relationship work does just that. Going out with a coworker all hours of the night and leaving the phone at home so you cant track him and “nag” him, sending unsolicited pics (obviously the correct lie was to say it was to you but clearly it wasn't meant for you). The fighting probably started happening once he realized there was a coworker he liked. If we are being honest.
Also, it's not your sisters fault your husband is a pig. Unless she specifically is seeking your husband out (which I don't think she is otherwise why would she tell you about the picture), you sister did nothing wrong in this scenario and I think you are being unfair to her.
Even if she was in your bed, even hard, that doesn't mean you actually did something and after a certain point of drunk, you can't consent, which would make it rape – if it even happened.
How do you know you had sex, if you don't remember? Because she told you?
Have you ever cheated? Considered cheating? Considered ABC as “dangerous” to be around, because she seemed tempting?
Alcohol makes many people loose some or all of their boundaries and moral codes, makes them loose all common sense. Others get drunk, even to the point of black out drunk and are still very much able to not cross lines. Where do you usually fall in that spectrum? You have dated your ex for 5 years, this probably wasn't your first time getting that drunk
… if you think about it, is there any chance at all, that ABC has been in love with you for years and as she knew you were getting close to proposing and she got desperate to stop that?
Lmao go and fuck multiple people at the same time but stop bashing on people who don’t want to live! like that you weirdo. Im glad that i was raised normal
And it was NOT a single incident! You pretty much told her that you've disrespected her in the past and had *until now, gotten away with it… Super gross attitude and you likely shouldn't even be in a relationship, let alone one that involves cohabitation.
I just dislike having to initiate every time. It makes me feel like I'm intruding. He's asked me to meet up a couple times (first date included). I've asked maybe 8. I'm not keeping track. It's just for some context.
It is up to you. You should what is the right thing to do. If you love each other, give it a try.
Thank you, it is difficult for me to realize that I need to after all this time I’ve been with him, his actions are wrong and he made me feel as if I’m always in the wrong.
im wondering if her boyfriend is a street drug user
For that shouldn't she like give a hint that she likes me back? What if she's playing dumb just because she's polite and doesn't want to reject me?
Maybe use it while he’s around. If he asks why your using it and just say, “I have to get off somehow, because the minute we have sex for you to get off doesn’t do it”
May you never get another boner & stub your toes on every doorframe
I will never understand this line of thinking.
You feel like breaking up? Do it, now.
If you wait, what are you gonna do? Put on an act in order to pass a nice, fake christmas? Act like you feel, making the holiday bad nonetheless? How are both these option better than doing it now?
And they want to make extra sure you won't
Being incapable of doing a basic life skill is sometimes seen as lazy, regardless of money. Reason being, you rely on your financial situation to feed yourself and your spouse and if you weren’t in the position you were in you would be useless in the kitchen. Hypotheticals aside, acts of service and meaningful action (although you may not enjoy it) is important in a relationship.
I think she's on the fence, and maybe a bit scared, but she's enjoying knowing she can have you if she wants. Getting together with someone else (i.e making her a little jealous and reminding her that you're not just waiting around for her, forcing her to stake a claim on you and show her intentions) might work in your favour here.
6 months
Stop discouraging a caring friend from protecting her. I’m insulted for OP. He is not too involved.
OP, don’t listen to this guy. Read my comment. The people who tell you to “mind your business” or “stay out of it” are protecting abusers everywhere.
What are you waiting for? For him to intimidate you into staying because you're too afraid of his anger to leave? He already knows you don't like confrontation. If he hit you, would you stand your ground or back down?
Get out before it gets to that point. Tell him OVER THE PHONE that if he cares for you, then he needs to work on being a better man through therapy. Don't put your own life at risk.
Growing up in a household where my parents very strict views of weight caused me to have body dysmorphia and probably disordered eating, your wife needs therapy. And perspective. I say that with kindness, but the sentiment is very serious.
The most important thing parents can do for kids is model healthy eating behaviors and incorporate family exercise routines (a walk around the neighborhood after dinner or weekend hikes/bike rides, for example). Don’t over regulate their diets, unless they have diabetes or allergies or food texture issues. Let them eat the occasional slice of cake for breakfast or get an extra hard dog off the grill. Have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies for snacks. Encourage drinking water.
Your mother is a role model and should be treated as such. She can even be a cautionary tale at some point, but the important parts are that she sought help and she has worked her way down to a healthy weight and physical activity level. Period.
I have sympathy for your wife and her concerns, but having lived in the environment that she’s attempting to create, she is going to cause more harm than good.
Thank you so much. We have had this conversation before, and we both didn’t realize that it was a vulnerability issue. I think me and my girlfriend would agree that we are quite vulnerable with each other, but for things that affected us separately and we’ve both dealt with for a longer amount of time (ex. my girlfriends struggle with mental health and my struggle with loneliness). She comforted me saying that our relationship means so much more than all the things she’s done in the past and those things mean nothing to her in hindsight. Whenever it does come up it does make me feel better, and with time I’ve thought about it less and become more comfortable. Your comment made me ask myself a question I hadn’t thought of yet: would I care so much if I had experienced the same amount of things as her? And I honestly think I wouldn’t. I would probably accept her actions as much as I accept mine, but since I haven’t I let it get to me more. I didn’t think I had that much of a need for control until your comment, and it really opened my eyes. You are a great person and thank you for taking the time out of your day to help me with this. Thank you so much!!
Except what happens when recently divorced friend catches fee fees and decides she wants to be the “wife” who isn’t asexual.
I’ve met her boyfriend once and they seem like they’re sweet at least on the surface. Apparently her and her boyfriend never fight.
If youre having fun then why not ?♂️
I would think like this:
Is this someone who I want to has as the foundation of my future life?
His arrest does not show good decision making.
he also may not go to prison… I don't know how plea bargains go these days..but he will have a felony? record.
Learn about “The Fallacy of Sunk Cost”…where people don't want to give something up because they have put so much time into it even though it doesn't meet their needs anymore.
BPD as in borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder? Either way treatment is usually a combination of medication and therapy. Borderline responds well to dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). If he is in a crisis (aggressive/violent, suicidal, excessively euphoric, manic) it's best to call his therapist, mental health crisis line, or emergency services.
DID and autism NEED to be diagnosed by a professional as there are many other conditions that have similar symptoms and treating the wrong condition with the wrong thing can end very badly. And both conditions have far reaching effects in to many areas of life.
Sorry but I wouldn't trust a dang word he is saying. Someone who wants to make a relationship work does just that. Going out with a coworker all hours of the night and leaving the phone at home so you cant track him and “nag” him, sending unsolicited pics (obviously the correct lie was to say it was to you but clearly it wasn't meant for you). The fighting probably started happening once he realized there was a coworker he liked. If we are being honest.
Also, it's not your sisters fault your husband is a pig. Unless she specifically is seeking your husband out (which I don't think she is otherwise why would she tell you about the picture), you sister did nothing wrong in this scenario and I think you are being unfair to her.
Annulment, separate accounts, get a lawyer… usually when they chest they preplan their way out.
WTF?!!! You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. You were protecting yourself.
Dump his ass
Even if she was in your bed, even hard, that doesn't mean you actually did something and after a certain point of drunk, you can't consent, which would make it rape – if it even happened.
How do you know you had sex, if you don't remember? Because she told you?
Have you ever cheated? Considered cheating? Considered ABC as “dangerous” to be around, because she seemed tempting?
Alcohol makes many people loose some or all of their boundaries and moral codes, makes them loose all common sense. Others get drunk, even to the point of black out drunk and are still very much able to not cross lines. Where do you usually fall in that spectrum? You have dated your ex for 5 years, this probably wasn't your first time getting that drunk
… if you think about it, is there any chance at all, that ABC has been in love with you for years and as she knew you were getting close to proposing and she got desperate to stop that?
Lmao go and fuck multiple people at the same time but stop bashing on people who don’t want to live! like that you weirdo. Im glad that i was raised normal
And it was NOT a single incident! You pretty much told her that you've disrespected her in the past and had *until now, gotten away with it… Super gross attitude and you likely shouldn't even be in a relationship, let alone one that involves cohabitation.
Are you guys deleting your comments?
They often sing together the post it on social media
He seems just wonderful!
I just dislike having to initiate every time. It makes me feel like I'm intruding. He's asked me to meet up a couple times (first date included). I've asked maybe 8. I'm not keeping track. It's just for some context.