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3 years is long enough to know you two are not compatible. She hasn’t tried to get help and uses it to make you feel bad for her. Sounds like she’s manipulating you. Physical touch and intimacy are important for your mental health, why does only hers count?
When I first read this, it was clear that this guy is insecure. Insecure about himself, trusting himself. Affirmation from his friends is more important than the person he is in the relationship with. Whiffs of misogyny, etc. and I'm thinking 'Well that's not too shocking since these kids are 16 and 17, but sill bad.'
But oh no. This dude is 27 years old. almost 30.
If he doesn't know you by now, and he hasn't had your back against this asshole 'friend', then… I think you should stop dating this guy and date a man. Much more rewarding.
Trust me, I know I could’ve done better! I tend to catastrophize things that really usually aren’t a big deal. But space I know is definitely the answer right now!
Ok
She didn't get “away” with it, nor did she suffer zero consequences. The guilt will be a constant thing. She never got the opportunity to confess, to right her wrongs, to possibly experience forgiveness or redemption. And she never will.
If that isn't enough of a consequence, her actions and lies have caught up to her. She's lost the respect of her child to the point where your relationship is forever changed. The same will occur with mutual friends and family. She'll be looked down on and judged, and there's no coming back from that.
My advice is to let it happen. And to take whatever time you need to process this. Her lover being a family friend wasn't just a betrayal to your dad, but to everyone around. She involved you into this, made you and others into an accessory of her affair. Bringing him around the family, letting your father care and invest time in him, having him in family pictures, did that. Her affair wasn't some background thing. She went out of her way to involve him in all your lives, and that's just sick.
This was my first thought.
Why do you want this to work? It's not working. Cheating and child abandonment isn't something you can repair, man. Give you and your kid a better life.
Most people would react the way you did when faced with their partner intentionally doing something equally triggering, autism or not. You are not abusive. It’s good that you plan to discuss it with your therapist and find other solutions for the future, but regardless, your reaction in this situation does not make you a bad person.
Yeah, you should apologise.
Not because you’re wrong but because your partner made an effort and wanted to please you and your rejection of her would have been hurtful.
Tell her you’re sorry and that you appreciate the effort and that your reaction was out of line. Tell her you love making love to her and normally you’d jump at the chance, you were just tired and grumpy from a difficult day and behaved badly.
Maybe offer to take her out on a date night and stay overnight at a nice hotel for your birthday.
Why would you want this for any of you?
This is a little girl who has been rejected by both of her parents. The longer this goes on, the more damage it does to her.
She trusts you now but what happens when she asks you why you're still with her mother? Why you are miserable, why she is miserable, and why is your son (because it won't be long before he notices too)?
Children may not have the same intellectual or emotional maturity or capacity as (most) adults, but they aren't stupid. Their subconscious picks up on everything.
This idea of staying together for the sake of children is bullshit. Children are happier and healthier with 2 parents who are as happy and healthy as they can be, and if that means they are no longer together then that's what is best for everyone.
Get your wife and her ex to sign away their rights, adopt Vee, divorce your wife and agree a suitable custody access arrangement for your son.
You're setting yourself on fire to keep others warm, but its hurting them and you too.
Could it be? Someone in this sub describing behaviors that are actual gaslighting and not just “someone being mean to me” like some seem to think?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You being a guy means you will never understand the fear that women feel when rejecting a guy. Women have died because of it. Women have been r*ped because of it.
You have no idea the harassment women face when we have the audacity to say no to a man who thinks hes entitled to our bodies.
Stop telling your GF how to handle the situation and accept it when she tells you men dont care about a woman having a bf. Just because YOU arent like that, doesnt mean these men dont exist in large numbers.
Every man knows a woman who has been sexually assaulted, but dont know a man who has sexually assaulted a woman. Think about that and let it sink in before judging the way your gf turns these men down. Just be glad she is turning them down in a way that keeps her safe.
Have a more in depth conversation with him. Tell him you want to make sure you are both investing in a future together. Tell him you feel it would be best to have a clearer timeline and let him know what that would ideally look like for you. Make space for what he wants as well.
Couples do what they want. My bf and I are getting married at the end of the year and won't be cohabitating until we're husband and wife. My sister has had multiple long term relationships and for her moving in after 4-6 months is the norm. So, what do you want? What does he want? And how can both of those come together? Good luck!
Thank you, I appreciate that.
girl this is pathetic
Yup, we must have dated the same guy.
Hmm now I'm wondering what if both the partners never discussed about this before? Say, yes, they've discussed about porn and what their boundaries are towards it. But if one of the partners was just curious and decided to download an AI chat app and starts texting and the other partner doesn't know about this, then what? This sudden AI boom does make everybody curious about it, after all
It’s a little early to be talking about kids so not that part… but as for the marriage part my parents do not mind. They are open minded.