I believe the same thing you do, if he truly wanted to be with me, he would try and fix our issue. But alas, I will not force anyone to be with me if they don’t want to. Yes, he definitely has financial motive, but I’ve come to terms with that knowing that I’m also taking advantage of that by still having him here which in turn is allowing me to grieve the relationship while still being able to see him and be with him when it’s too nude for me to be alone.
You do realize the biggest holiday of the year just unfolded? And most people are visiting family and friends? That’s what you should be focusing on, as well. Hanging out with some family and friends, enjoying the time. If he hits you back, great. If he doesn’t, oh well. Move on.
Yeah she might want to forget the whole deal herself and pretend OP never told her. Imagine how violated she feels that thise were stolen off her phone. Her own personal device and personal photos were not safe. Thats a horrible feeling. Everyone saying she sent them dont understand the aspect of denial when your trust and body have been violated in such a way
Work drinks are normal, drinks on a Saturday or well outside work hours is weird. Maybe you can suggest a happy hour close to your work and decline anything on the weekend.
She still needs to be legally allowed to work in order to be paid cash in hand. If she's hired, her employer is breaking the law. If her employer is deliberately hiring people who are not legally allowed to work, then they're taking advantage of her situation.
Your girlfriend put her friend’s needs above the relationship.
It would’ve been one thing to ask you if she can invite her friend. But she did so without considering you or how it affects the relationship.
I’m even sure you’d have said “yes” or found some kind of compromise. Perhaps a separate event for when you got both back. But the simple act of asking for your thoughts and feelings would’ve changed the dynamic.
You need to have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about boundaries and priorities.
Some tips for a healthy conversation: use statements that start with “I feel” and avoid “you always/never”. Remember that despite being at fault here, your partner is still your teammate. The conversation should not be “me versus you”. It’s “us versus this situation”. You do that, and you can course correct.
Please don’t just but little babies in daycare so you don’t have to take care of them. If you want everyone to work full time, don’t have them. You will both have good incomes and it won’t be absolutely necessary for you both to work when you have tiny humans that need care and nurturing
I’m sorry to say the same shit everyone else is saying but.. you need to dump him. Actually I’m not sorry, because this is sound advice. I sincerely hope things do not work out between you two and you find someone who’s not an AH in the future.
I think you are actually going about this in a SUPER mature way. Keep asking for consent. Keep checking in on each other. And I would propose y'all lay out ground rules that if anyone is ever uncomfortable or beginning to want exclusivity, you need to figure out how to address that in a group with love and compassion. I would also encourage to set up boundaries – Is she allowed to date other people? Or is she also his and your girlfriend? Because that could introduce some chaos. So I think talking about what that looks like is important. I will also say, luckily it's only april – but what about holidays? If the LOVE aspect continues to grow in addition to the physical – who is going with whom for holidays? Is she always the third wheel? Will there be some sort of balance? Think forward to those situations and talk those out NOW instead of the emotionally charged holiday season.
Thanks, helped. I just hate the feeling of always being on thing ice even if I'm not
I believe the same thing you do, if he truly wanted to be with me, he would try and fix our issue. But alas, I will not force anyone to be with me if they don’t want to. Yes, he definitely has financial motive, but I’ve come to terms with that knowing that I’m also taking advantage of that by still having him here which in turn is allowing me to grieve the relationship while still being able to see him and be with him when it’s too nude for me to be alone.
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It's very hot, but it sounds like you're just going to have more heartache down the road if you stay. Stay strong!
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You do realize the biggest holiday of the year just unfolded? And most people are visiting family and friends? That’s what you should be focusing on, as well. Hanging out with some family and friends, enjoying the time. If he hits you back, great. If he doesn’t, oh well. Move on.
Yeah you should bc if somehow your woman finds out later it might end up bad wondering why you didn't tell her when it happened
If he loves and respects you he will wait. Just tell him you need time on things like that.
The solution is easy: move away from his parents.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Gives him time to mature and focus on his own wife and kids vs his parents.
Don’t have any more kids until you see a complete 180° in his maturity.
Yeah she might want to forget the whole deal herself and pretend OP never told her. Imagine how violated she feels that thise were stolen off her phone. Her own personal device and personal photos were not safe. Thats a horrible feeling. Everyone saying she sent them dont understand the aspect of denial when your trust and body have been violated in such a way
Work drinks are normal, drinks on a Saturday or well outside work hours is weird. Maybe you can suggest a happy hour close to your work and decline anything on the weekend.
I’m sad that this is happening but also so proud of you for standing up for yourself!
You're missing my point.
She still needs to be legally allowed to work in order to be paid cash in hand. If she's hired, her employer is breaking the law. If her employer is deliberately hiring people who are not legally allowed to work, then they're taking advantage of her situation.
Have you ever liked a guy in the past because he’s popular? Or liked a guy in the past who was popular
Your girlfriend put her friend’s needs above the relationship.
It would’ve been one thing to ask you if she can invite her friend. But she did so without considering you or how it affects the relationship.
I’m even sure you’d have said “yes” or found some kind of compromise. Perhaps a separate event for when you got both back. But the simple act of asking for your thoughts and feelings would’ve changed the dynamic.
You need to have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about boundaries and priorities.
Some tips for a healthy conversation: use statements that start with “I feel” and avoid “you always/never”. Remember that despite being at fault here, your partner is still your teammate. The conversation should not be “me versus you”. It’s “us versus this situation”. You do that, and you can course correct.
Please don’t just but little babies in daycare so you don’t have to take care of them. If you want everyone to work full time, don’t have them. You will both have good incomes and it won’t be absolutely necessary for you both to work when you have tiny humans that need care and nurturing
Good come back
I’m sorry to say the same shit everyone else is saying but.. you need to dump him. Actually I’m not sorry, because this is sound advice. I sincerely hope things do not work out between you two and you find someone who’s not an AH in the future.
I think you are actually going about this in a SUPER mature way. Keep asking for consent. Keep checking in on each other. And I would propose y'all lay out ground rules that if anyone is ever uncomfortable or beginning to want exclusivity, you need to figure out how to address that in a group with love and compassion. I would also encourage to set up boundaries – Is she allowed to date other people? Or is she also his and your girlfriend? Because that could introduce some chaos. So I think talking about what that looks like is important. I will also say, luckily it's only april – but what about holidays? If the LOVE aspect continues to grow in addition to the physical – who is going with whom for holidays? Is she always the third wheel? Will there be some sort of balance? Think forward to those situations and talk those out NOW instead of the emotionally charged holiday season.