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It sounds like you both have some pretty substantial issues separately to work through. Please don't take that as a criticism as most of us do. Realistically both of you probably need a therapist of your own and working on the relationship, if that's what you actually both want, should come once you're both on solid footing.
You're probably right about the suicide attempt. It can be scary letting someone know you've fallen out of love with them and things get volatile at this stage more often than we would like to admit. If that's what she wants, you need to respect it without any guilt trips or implications that things would get rough for her.
The reality is you share a family with those three kids and you always will. With the love you have for the kids in mind, the goal should be healthy space and transitions while everyone gets to a better place. Lots of couples have unconventional arrangements to accomplish this, it's possible, and I wish you the absolute best in trying to get to that point.