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You have feelings of betrayal and jealousy. That must be tough and I’m sorry it’s hurting you. You need to sit down and really delve deep on where those feelings are stemming from. A lot of it is usually fear. Fear of abandonment, failure, not being good enough… those likely started well before this relationship. But I don’t know enough of your story, so I can only guess.
Your husband sounds like a pretty typical guy. Trying to fix, brush off or downplay the situation and your feelings. Likely means well but makes em worse for you. What would probably feel better is if he acknowledges those feelings, lets you know he wants to have something special with you. That secret language. I wager you probably already have some of those things with him. Just look.
I’d also suggest strengthening yourself. Separate a little and become your best you. Start working out if you don’t currently. Absolutely does wonders for anxiety and stress. Make him wonder about you a little. Curious what your up to and draw him in a bit.