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?Mila DY?, 42 y.o.
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I work in a male dominated industry and often travel alone with my male coworkers. When we are travelling for work, we will often see the sights/see a concert/go for meals together. I consider them all very close friends. I would never, ever vacation with any of them without our spouses. That is not ok and crosses all sorts of boundaries. If your wife is willing to do this, you have to decide if you are ok with her cheating. It would be a deal breaker in my marriage.
Hi OP, I’ve been the partner of a surgical resident (later fellow, later attending) and you need to know this is not acceptable or normal in any relationship, even one that involves a lot of stress and scheduling issues.
I have to wonder how much his mistreatment of you stems from insecurities about your highly skilled, highly respected career? Let me just tell you I didn’t know any male surgical residents who experienced this from their partners, but I’ve seen it with multiple female residents or fellows. Keep that in mind. Find a real man who isn’t threatened by you and doesn’t play games with your precious free time or manipulate your emotions.
These next few years are likely going to be the hardest of your life, you deserve a partner who accepts that and will support you through it. If you don’t have a partner like that, you are better off single but with your peace. Lean on your friends, family, and coresidents!
OP, get the tattoo. If your husband of that long really considers leaving you over that, good riddance. I was also with someone who tried to police my appearance – tattoos and body hair and clothing. I'd be willing to bet you notice other ways he's controlling, too.
In a healthy relationship, there's definitely a need for attraction, but if one tattoo makes him question whether he's attracted to you at all, that's a big red flag.
I replied to another comment saying this, but my boyfriend HATES two pairs of pants I bought. I'm 32, he's 31, and these jeans are ripped and patched with fabric and lace, they're high wasted and cut off at the bottom. They're “what the kids wear these days” or whatever. He'll bust my balls over them, but at the end of the day he's not going to leave me or tell me I'm unattractive. On the other hand, he shaves his head bald because his hairline is God awful. I also bust his balls saying I can't believe he got women back when he had hair. At the end of the day though, I think he's so attractive, and while I think he looks much better bald, I'm also not going to leave him or tell him he's unattractive because of it. That's how a healthy relationship should be. We've built a loving relationship and at this point, there's very few physical things that would make me leave. He's my best friend, and he is regardless of what he wears or looks like.