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Be direct upfront and honest. You’ve suffered lifelong abuse compared to one year so don’t walk on eggshells. They need to understand that the short time they endured her bad behavior was what you experienced long term and that to protect yourself you will be maintaining your distance from your abuser. Hug them and do your best to get your parents to understand without feeling wrong.
Its not a dumb. Its a old tradition that stems from old testament.
Men sacrifice, women submit.
Most men likely don't even know why they do it, but just do it anyways because their fathers and their father's father done it and so forth. In asian cultures, no one changes name. It mainly again stems from biblically traditions. Children will still take the fathers name in most cases, but women are rarely forced to change their name as well. In modern times, its one of those things that don't make a lot of sense.
Like if you think about with children… Women carry the children, women birth the children… but they take the man's name? When you say it outloud, it makes no sense. Women all the work, men get all the credit. Especially if there is a split in the marriage, courts will usually order the child to stay with the mother, despite the child that carries the father's name. If the child has the fathers name, should the child not go with the father? But in most cases, its the mom that gets stuck with all the responsibly whereas men get all the benefits without any accountability.
But yeah, its old testament traditions that get carried on without a second thought. Most men won't budge simply because they feel as if it emasculates them. Most men don't care about history of it, they just want it because all other men do it so they should to. To give in without takeaway from their manhood. he will never admit that though.