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My parents had me late in life and it sucked for me. My friends asked if my parents were my grandparents all the time which was embarrassing. Additionally my parents just didn’t have the same energy as my friends parents. I didn’t get to do as many things as my friends because my parents were just too old and too tired. Now that I’m in my thirties I’m constantly thinking about how they’re getting close to life expectancy and how much it sucks. I’ve got older siblings that are grandparents themselves now and I won’t get that experience with my parents. If I’m lucky my future children will get to meet them and maybe have ten years to get to know them. I hope for longer but I’m aware it could be much shorter. There’s more to this than just your feelings and your wives feelings, there’s also the potential future baby’s feelings. Having old parents sucked and knowing I wont get them as long as my siblings do fills me with this kind of jealous sadness I can’t even begin to explain.
Is it alright if I DM you about your first piece of advice?
sure
Throw, your W's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your W, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loved you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Throw, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
I don't want to be that person, but that word is spelled “masturbate” not “masterbait”.