18perfecttits
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If your gf has some guy dming her by flirting with her and she hasn’t chosen to block him, she’s liking the attention, as a girl myself it’s nice when you get attention from guys let’s be honest, but I (20F) have a bf (21M) and we’re coming up to a year and we’re still getting to know eachother on a level and we both have the same goals, and out of respect I have removed and blocked anyone who has tried to flirt with me, because I know where I stand and I know where my future is at which is with my bf, and he’s just as loyal, if anything we both find it entertaining to turn down someone when they try to flirt or ask for our number
Just dump him. He's awful
Do him a favor, break up, move out and get a job like a big girl.
Or his infidelity has hurt her badly and she’s struggling with sex as a result. There are many reasons she may be struggling.
Oh, i did not read the part where she was in pain. It wasn't stated there. Probably somewhere in other comments.
Trust your gut
girl i havent even read this all the way through but wtf does a 53 year old man want from a 21 year old…
Thank you I really appreciate you saying that. I am really trying my best to admit my role in this mess and take responsibility for my part. It’s just hard because I know how bad I messed up. Deep down I know better than this.
OP thinks the world revolves around him.
She didn't leave coz she's over it, she never thinks about you, it legit made no difference to her whether it was you or a random cactus.
I don't know but I did tell him at the end there that the way to keep somebody around is not by trying to control them. If anything it's going to make them run away. I was reading that people who try to control their partners that it's actually coming from anxiety that they will leave. Well that's definitely not helping.
Not taking any, he's in a good place because of how things turned out with job and is quite comfortable. He might be uncomfortable with something, because I remember him saying if we could only do foreplay and that's all. I don't press and respect that, that was at the start though. He values making sure that he doesn't step over boundaries of woman, like I understand this and he is a huge advocate and maybe to the point he doesn't instigate first, but you know as partners with consent you want the respect fucked out of you sometimes y know? Find the passion lacks with love language too.
I feel this person is indifferent at times, whereas I've been able to really connect with previous partners to the point love is so deep within, even if mental health was at the forefront with some. There has to be some form of mental health or a past experience as to why he refrains so much it feels.
This is the World Cup finals it only happens once every four years and 3-5 billion people are watching. Choose a different man night dudes only event.
Jesus christ… well I guess thats love… If he looked at another women, what would you do?
Yeah, let him go. He clearly doesn't respect your thing with food, and I would be the same way in your position.
Then do it
Because there are? If you don't want an honest answer don't ask an honest question? If you need smoke blown up your ass and to be lied to, preface your need to feel attractive with “ok give me an honest answer but don't be honest please lie to me to make me feel pretty”.
it sucks but it is what it is. Better to tell him sooner. Your desire to not hurt him is actually selfish. the truth is that it will hurt him more to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to be with him. What you're saving yourself from is feelings of knowing that you hurt someone. It's ok, relationships are complicated and people are too. He might be hurt but that's life. Have to rip the band aid off.
Terrible reasoning. You would resent that kid every day of its life. You would resent your wife. I'm sorry, but there is no middle ground here. Baby or no baby — those are the only options. And quite frankly, your wife has lost her mind. Nothing about this makes sense. And the fact that she's punishing you like this is so immature and out of line. I hope this doesn't bust up your marriage but it's not looking good.
My grandparents did what your wife wants to do. Had my oldest aunt when they were barely adults, waited 20 years, and then had more kids when my aunt got pregnant.
They had twins.
And then 2 more after that. I never asked why, but I also found it extremely weird. Called my cousins Auntie and Uncle because they were older than my dad.
He's a 20yo boy giving her a $200 pair of shoes “just because.” That is a pretty clear signal he's into her. Her boyfriend isn't “insecure” for noticing that.
You and your boyfriend need to understand that you do not EVER get expensive gifts like this without getting permission from the parents. Your bf is very much in the wrong here, no matter the intentions. There are SO many reasons they may not have wanted this kind of gift for the child.
Your boyfriend needs to apologize for overstepping and not checking in with them first.
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Congrats, you’re an addict and your addiction is taking its toll.
yikes you cant read? clearly in this thread said we talked to the boyfriend bout it 🙂 brush up on your reading skills homie 🙂 and trust you have given the satisfaction i wanted.
Nope. Don’t do it. If you weren’t friends before, don’t be friends now.
If you’re not that into you, I’m just break up and go to nursing school. Sounds like you’re just dating and you guys aren’t that committed anyway. So tell him to go ahead and move but you’re going to nursing school
This is what I was thinking. They’re already displaying toxic and ignorant behaviors, what good would recording them screaming while having sex would do? Besides revealing to them that they’re being inconsiderate, their next choice after this confrontation would probably be some form of retaliation. And seeing as to how OP is living at home, it would probably be some form of expecting rent, expecting more for rent, or suggesting/beginning the process of eviction.
You loved who he was. His mom and sister are right. He is toxic for you. You are falling into the Sunk Cost Fallacy (look it up!) trap: You are looking at what you already put in as a basis for putting in more work. You must cut your losses.
Try this: do not block him, but stop calling and texting. See how long it takes him to call/text. After a week of NC, start looking for a BF, he isn't one.
Don’t answer anymore of her calls unless you like being toyed with.
My sister in Christ what
You're sweet for being willing to help the kids out with supplies.
But yeah, you're right -shes not being reasonable. If you guys split finances then she's free to send her own disposable income, but it's not right to expect you to do the same. I do worry what happens if you guys do ever combine finances though. Money is a big factor in breakups and divorces. Sort this shit out now before wasting any more time in the relationship.
For me, I would not appreciate sharing a household with someone that effectively “wastes “so much money every month for people that do not help themselves. That's money not in a retirement fund, not providing for ones children, etcetcetc. It's okay if it's important to her to continue sending money. It's her money. But she can't do that and then make demands on how you spend yours.
Good luck OP!
I have already answered, she could have used a condom found full of you know what. If I am wrong, the perpetrator must be admitted in a mental health facility…!
Thank you. Yes, your 2nd sentence is correct. When I was young I was avoidant and didn't want emotional closeness and it's now difficult to experience it in reverse with an older woman who admits that she kind of has an emotional void when it comes to love and romance. Therein lies the rub. I don't want to be hasty and sabotage the relationship. It's a tricky one…it's often the women who are loving and not the men. Time will tell. Thanks again for your response.
Not being too harsh. Childhood trauma does not make you piss on people. He is turning himself into the victim. What he did was abusive, and if he “can't control” himself, he needs to check in to the psych ward.
yes, I guess so, but a couple thoughts–
just want to say your desires seem 'normal', to me. I'd want the same, and I'd wager a lot of people would.
also– maybe there is a way, over time, to encourage her to share more of herself. for example, i hope you are making it as clear to her how much the picture made your whole week as you've made it to me… perhaps consistent reassurance will help.
I get the impression that you're a smart guy, though– you'll figure out a way you both can be satisfied. good luck!
Don't make them martyres for religion. They love this shit.
I read your post history. Girl, your boyfriend is a horror show. Please leave him and find someone with more chill.
Ikr, when I decided to use it I didn't expect to have to type it so much, but I'm trained to use names instead of pronouns in reports and it just carried over.
Trust me it was super annoying to me as well
I agree. We’re exclusive now.
Can someone help?
He’s been driving by your coworkers house? Your husband is a whacko.
You should break up with him. You’re super young and you can say that you’ve learned a lot about relationships and you probably can find what you want in a guy
bigger problem is she wants to be a doctor/ go to med school but not putting in the effort. she will say “i never have time to study” and I will say “but you played videos games for X amount of hours to which she will agree but do nothing about.
Addictions are brutal, hes asking for help and has handed over credit cards, can you get him blocked off these sites or add parental controls etc. He has opened up to you and is moving steps. I dont think he has loved you any less and unless he has physically cheated, its up to you if you are able to move forward. Take time, breathe, take some space however that looks and have a good think. Sending lots of love to you. X
Dump her. She decided to go on a date and not tell you about it until it was already happening. That is cheating. She’s gonna keep doing this poly thing whether you like it or not. Don’t let her take advantage of you like this.
He’s never been outright mean to me, he’s super caring and takes my feelings into consideration and I’ve known him for years so we got engaged pretty fast I felt like I loved him a lot, but things have been going downhill ever since
Also, when he says stop and you don't, it's rape
Take a guess on how many people skip long term follow ups post procedure. I’ll give you a hint: it’s more than a couple.
Also, short term failure rate, meaning the rate of failure within the first 6 months to one year, are not minuscule.
You need to let it go and stop asking. Ask him to take an STD panel and if he's clean, drop it.
What exactly do you expect to gain from this conversation other than forcing him to go to “confession and repent his sins” for you?
You chose to remain a virgin. He did not. Both are equally valid viewpoints.
There's no point to this adolescent argument between you two.
If you are both “religious” he can confess and repent to his pastor, not you.
You did nothing wrong dude.
The way I read it (from a women’s perspective), you were succinct, and to the point.
You left no question as to what would be acceptable and tolerated, and you drew out your boundaries perfectly clear.
I disagree with the bride it was rude, she doesn’t understand the difference between being rude versus direct and diplomatic.
I find a lot of people get confused with rudeness and being direct. Sometimes, depending on the context of how direct a person is they can definitely be rude in the process.
I believe you approached this in a very diplomatic manner. You told him due to past behaviours and conduct you are aware of and don’t want to bring up, you have boundaries you’re establishing. Because of his lack of respect for observing social behaviours, you made it very clear that an invalid could comprehend you do not wish him to pretend you’re old fast friends, and to leave you and your partner alone at the event.
You even went so far as to say you wish he’s doing great in life, which is the least he deserves.
Bob is being a little bitch. I think this wedding will be awesome, especially without a douche canoe to spoil the occasion for others.
You handled it privately as well so as not to burden the bride and groom to mediate a conflict that’s not their business or problem to get involved in.
Bob is 1000% a little bitch.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’m 33f, fiancé is 31m. We have been together 3 years and are engaged.
I am 11 weeks pregnant with our first child. I found out 2 days ago that there has been a bad problem with the pregnancy and that I have no choice but to have it medically aborted.
It’s killing me, I haven’t stopped crying and the pain of knowing I have to do this today is beyond anything I ever experienced and I am terrified.
My fiancé is currently in another country and was before we found this out. He’s been on the phone with me, but this weekend he was going on holiday with his mother to another country again from where he is without even talking to me first just said “I’m going deal with it”.
He called me this morning and was packing a bag. I asked what are you doing and he said going to Mexico I told you. I said his name and he said don’t say that to me right now I told you I was going.
I said what kind of human leaves their pregnant fiancé to go through this alone while they go on a holiday. He said “whatever I’ll still call you” and then left the room with the phone just pointing at the ceiling.
I have an instantaneous feeling of throwing up, can’t breathe, and crying non stop as soon as he said that.
I feel like this is truely unforgivable to me.
cannot see all comments. i can only see the beginning in my email. to the guy that sent the 4 rules comment, please dm me what you said! i’m interested in what you had to say
Ask yourself….why did she download the app in December? She was making a conscious choice to contact him again. She was deliberately planning to start being involved with him again. She was thinking about him again and wanted to start up a friendship again. This is blatant disrespect for you. You really need to go to therapy to learn why you enjoy being disrespected. There's something going on inside of you that keeps you in this type of relationship. At this point it's not a HER problem it's a YOU problem.
I dont mean to be crass, but can poppers help?
End of the day you are refusing to listen to any advice people are giving. You’ve already made up your mind that there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make you see reason; so there’s absolutely no point posting. You’ll follow his lead, you’ll go no contact with your mother, then in a few years time you’ll be posting again that you’re stuck, have no friends/family and your other half has turned into somebody unrecognisable-you need help to leave…. I will say this as someone with kids older than you; your brain hasn’t even finished forming-who you are now and how you see the world isn’t how you’ll see things in 5 years time… you’re looking at him with rose coloured glasses but that won’t last forever, so have a back up plan as to how you and your kids can escape in 5-10 years when it all goes to sh&t…
He wears blowjobs, size: your mouth.
He wears blowjobs, size: your mouth.
He wears blowjobs, size: your mouth.
Is this a repost?
Sounds like you are open to the whole thing but him hiding it from you, stealing clothes and such has caused you concern and 100% justifiably so.
Tell him you understand it was hard for him to be open about this, the embarrassment and fear of rejection and all that, but the being sneaky and stealing my things behind my back is a no no. From now on it’s honesty no matter what, if you are in a relationship you are in it together, should be easy for him to trust you now too given the circumstances and your understanding, that stuff strengthens bonds.
If you can’t move forward like that, take a step back and clear your head, talk to a therapist to unpack and understand how you feel and what you want to do.
Or you could just end it if that’s what you feel like doing, I have a feeling that’s not your first choice.
100% agree. Saying one has a bf/fiance/husband is not the deterrent OP thinks it is. His fiancee handled the situation as best she could and feel safe. She told OP about it. He's overthinking.
I don't think it's an unspoken rule, it's pretty damn spoken.
Your fiance needs to deal with his mother.
Does anyone have experience of whether in the long-term, is it worse to know why he cheated, or if he was specifically taking evidence and cheating trying to get me to break up with him?
At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter because the outcome is the same. Don't give him a chance to try and make it your fault – you seemed to so distant, you worked too much , it was a bad decision yada yada … Nah. Everyone who cheats knows how much it'll hurt their partner.
So you aren't allowed to feel financially belittled but the moment she is she goes nuclear? I dated a girl like that before, she had a personality disorder…the best thing for your mental health is to get out now, because it will only get worse. I like an idiot, didn't make that decision as soon as I should have.
I ended up telling him over text because we couldn’t make time to meet up. He already knew. Idk who told him, because I didn’t ask.
Nah she cheating
lmao you want this broke deadbeat manchild to be his moms caretaker so badly instead of the other way around. It honestly sounds like you’re taking this so personally because you made similar life choices. You know what else is normal in countries all over the world? Having sex with your spouse while your children/entire family is in the room with you. Maybe OP doesn’t want traditional asian family dynamics because she doesn’t live! in asia??? And the circumstances for living with your parents until marriage are drastically different over there, tying into all kinds of cultural and socioeconomic aspects of their society. Also, just because things are normalized in some cultures, doesn’t mean they’re healthy or conducive to a productive independent adult life. A lot of eastern cultural expectations, like being obligated to marry who your family chooses for you and caring for your parents in your home until they die, westerners are not willing to conform to. You’re grasping at straws at this point.
I think going to couples counseling together would be a good idea
Wow. Get a letter from your doctor. But. It says a lot that she thinks you are capable of lying about such a big issue. She didn’t dupe you. She matured and changed. She wants a child. That’s fair. But. Again, she doesn’t think very highly of you. Hell, she believes that you are a liar. Your marriage is in big trouble. Couples therapy. This isn’t a bump. It’s a mountain.
This is just standard negotiation, there's nothing wrong or slimy about it. Is she perhaps ignorant of how these things go down? Could she have a negative view of it over a false premise? I'd start by asking her why she thinks this way in-depth and go from there. Though this reaction reminds me of 1 you could get from a different cultural stand-point. Is she perhaps Japanese? They tend to have quite a different view on something like this.
Yeah the fact he's worried about stuff like that, sounds like projection to me.
What are you bringing to the relationship? From your account, it's not money, support or excitement via a vacation
Regret about the past means you have grown as a person. We all regret many things in our past.
When he brings up how you had acted in the past, apologize for the mistreatment, thank him for his patience and for noticing your improvement, then compliment him for being a great husband. Also, let him know if you start returning to your old ways in even small ways to take note and help you bring it up to the doctor… meds sometimes need adjustments.
Who cares about confronting him at this point, what does that actually gain?
You know he's cheating. Stop letting him waste your time and leave
Yeah your boyfriend but you don't care, you are an abuser and your boyfriend is a victim
It sounds like he's negging you, which is basically demeaning a person so they won't leave you.
You are an extremely selfish person. Make an effort to change and not be such a shit mom please. I hope you feel the financial burden of her absence with the three additions and no new income, I'm guessing you just expected your daughter to cover that as well? Your daughter is free now & I hope she can heal from having someone stomp all over her and her boundaries like you have been. Home is supposed to be a safe space & you took that away from her. Disgusting.
Lmao you suck at trolling dude.
Why should she guide you?? Why is it her problem? She’s probably told you over and over and over what she needed from you, but you were too self absorbed to listen. Why is it now her job to put you back on track? Why should she’ll believe you’ll listen to her now when you ignored her for the last two years? Guide yourself and stop making your shortcomings your wife’s responsibility. You had your shot to work this out together. Now she’s not willing to help you anymore because you weren’t willing to help her. Figure it out yourself like she had to.
It’s been a year and he hasn’t said he loves you. That should end it there. Your other fears are also justified.
His timetable for stability may not be in alignment with yours. A discussion about the future, timelines and your current concerns should clear up the decision.
Why isn’t he doing dentistry?
If you meet or contact her this will trigger all that pain you left behind.
Live! her and the trauma in the past.
Lol the standards here are trash. Please don’t have kids. They deserve better than one parent that is racist and another that is denial about the above
You’re way too young to get married. Look at your lives
Your brain isn’t finished developing (25) Neither of you have your own place He can’t afford the ring he would want to buy Neither of you can afford a wedding Neither of you can afford kids He hasn’t figured out his finances or career path
He has very valid points for not wanting to get married anytime soon. He wants to have his life together before getting married, which is the logical and responsible thing to do.
Now, you need to figure out whether he ever plans to get his life together. If he doesn’t, then you’re never getting married.
I.e. it’s not about whether or not he wants to marry you; it’s about whether or not he is going to get his life together so that he will be in a place to get married someday.
“The past” is not the night before a date lmfao
Most people would feel some type of way about that honestly.
for all her barking, she's right there amongst steve and her bf. i don't see op as any different.
Well, whatever his reasons are, you dodged a bullet. Things I can think of:
1) He enjoys live! dating because it feels noncommital compared to the rest of his life, so he just has some fun chatting with women live! now.
2) He is looking for someone whom he can take out on the rare occasions he has time like some toy/doll and who doesn't have any demands when it comes to his time, meeting up, whatever.
3) The spark just died for him and he didn't want to be with you anymore and didn't want to say that out loud.
4) He is someone who only has unhealthy relationships (as the lovebombing and immediate marriage wish shows). He goes into relationships with great intensity, enjoying the first fireworks, but the moment they turn into work because the woman wants something from him, he bails.
5) His life miraculously became less stressful after the breakup so that he has time for dating again, but he decided that, given how rarely you have seen each other, he wasn't attached enough for you and would rather have someone new.
Overall… you're crazy if you think that, after three months and a mere six meetings with barely any communication, someone can truly love. That's delusional. He barely knew you and you barely knew him. That's not love. Love grows with time.
Take a step back and really, really date someone for months or years before you start talking about marriage, else you will marry a stranger. You're lucky that he bailed before you two got married because it's pretty clear that he isn't what you wanted in the end.
He was looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage so he’s not interested in fixing it. He is looking for a maid and housekeeper and making you resentful. Get a lawyer and find what happens to your marital property.
What does your life look like with four kids in texas? Why would you move? Are you happy with your life now?
Making that decision is the hardest thing to do. I never wanted my kids to come from a broken home but in the last few days I've decided that I have to do what is best for me and my kids (he emotionally cheated). Sure it's hot to be alone after so many years and you worry about what ifs and actually find yourself caring if they will be ok but you gave to do what's right for you or you will continue to just live! with it and stay.
Good luck
This has always confused me as well. He does typical Muslim things like Ramadan, but at the same time, he drinks, smokes, and has sex before marriage. I don't know why he does this.
You don’t. Don’t give this manipulative weakling a single second of your time.
Move on. Block numbers. No contact. Get back to your own life and looking out for #1! (You!)
Not nuts… Why would the friend be using your husband's phone?
This guy is a fucking loser, OP. And his feeling of entitlement to sex and having a baby fit when he doesn’t get it is a huge red flag.
Sigh yet another post with a questionable age gap where the older guy is really just an immature man-child who wants a bang-maid, not an actual partner.
Depends on the timeline for her given illness. If she could go any day now, then keep your lips sealed. If her time left is more than a few months, or indefinite, then I'd bring it up to your partner and deal with it discreetly. In my experience, it's never a good idea to impulsively end a seasoned relationship anyways. Take your time.