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She's the one who made it an issue not me, I was just restating the fact
Tell her you want to be included in their affection. Now you can fuck both of them. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. LMAO ? ?
Honestly you need to give the kids up – that's the realest advice I can offer. You have no way of raising these children without someone being harmed in the process. Someone is going to suffer, either you, these twins, or your boyfriend.
And your're right, the kids should be the priority. You're obviously unfit to be a mother, as you make poor decisions and are a selfish, dishonest person. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve to online the life of someone who is being lied to and taken advantage of. These twins deserve to be in a stable home with a healthy family dynamic, WITHOUT there being a constant risk that eventually their family might suddenly be ripped apart by infidelity and DNA results coming to the surface.
The only way you can guarantee they will have a better chance at life is to give them up for adoption.
You could try respecting him and his feelings more?
If I lie, it’s about innocuous things like when a stranger asks me how I am, and I say “fine thanks,” because it’s a social convention and they don’t really care. I don’t lie about important things. I definitely don’t lie then blame the other person.
I guess our own problems meant we weren’t right for each other. Thank you so much.
No. The sex in BB mountain is not a good example. For anyone. And I'm in the kink/bdsm world so I'm no prude. There's no pulling anyone's pants down I'm a tent for the very first time ever and shoving your dick up their ass. Hard to watch. Impractical on real life. I mean there's guy porn that is better than better that.
Maybe it's your jobs/ lifestyle that needs to be adjusted and reevaluated. It sound like you don't have time to enjoy each other, sexually or otherwise.
Yes. OP, Do not cause her pain to ease yours. Just move on.
I’m a firm believer that learning from mistakes are what shape us the best. You need to drag the bottom before you can truly appreciate the top.
I think he's just a but clueless and doesn't know he can't say this stuff out loud. Talk to him about that.
No it’s not true. Some women will have that attitude of course. There’s like 3 billion of us. But generally speaking no.
And think it through. How can women be simultaneously be shooting for the 10% of men or whatever it is, while also being obsessed with abusive felons?
Pick a narrative and stick to it
Oh man. I want to tell you to get away and never look back. Find support for yourself away from him. He will hit you again. It's only a matter of time. But most of us won't leave. We wait until it's so bad you have to leave or die. I wish you could see the ending.
Idk why this bothers you so much it’s literally just men’s hoodies. Like women can buy men’s clothes too LMfao. But even if she did get them from other guys before your relationship even started I do think it’s a bit ridiculous that this bothers you so much. We all have a past and honestly youre 19, it’s most likely not going to last anyway.
It’s a tough spot because you either have to stay and accept that behavior or call her out on something we aren’t “supposed to be” calling out.
No, that would be insulting to the snake.
As someone that’s stayed with a cheating partner, I’m telling you to get out now. I stayed because I found out I was pregnant. However, if I had to go through it again, I would have left. It’s just not worth it.
You’re still young, no kids, leave. You deserve soo much better. Message me if you want to talk.
Sounds like he told you exactly what he thinks you wanted or needed to hear.
I feel you, I really do. Yet there is no gentle nor easy way to end a relationship. It's gonna hurt him either way. :/
its really not manipulative because shes saying how she is straight up and she left him lol. her saying all this and trying to keep him in the relationship would be manipulative.
If my partner prioritized an affair over our child, there’d be no coming back from it.
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???? seek therapy and step away from Reddit.
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My wife isn’t the mother of the blonde son.
Well, it actually is
Unfortunately your mom's probably right.
youre not “unfortunately a know it all”, you’re intentionally a know it all because you’re insecure about your intelligence, so you feel the need to be right about all things even when you dont know about them
also everyone thinks they have a reliable memory. the issue is, nobody really does. our memories are clouded with bias and a one sighted view of the actual truth. you need to learn that just because you remember something, doesnt mean its actually true.
in the back of my mind I know it isn’t possible. Hearing it from someone else helps me realise that i’m being irrational. Thank you ?
Yeah honestly how stupid and gullible can the people on this sub be.
This wasn't a joke. She's planning on cheating. I'd just leave now before you waste more time on her. I mean not only does she want to have sex with someone else, she wants a threesome that doesn't include you. Just bail from the relationship now.
I get a lot of people are saying it wasn’t your sister’s place to say anything but given your background I’ve gotta say it was an irresponsible but well meant decision at best.
I think you need to give your sister time to breathe and then call her in a few days. She probably felt embarrassed that your parents basically disowned her and was rude to her new girlfriend. Maybe offer to find a day when the 3 of you can get together at some point in the future and have your own dinner, that way it’s a sort of open support scenario.
As for your parents… religion makes this complicated. They were in the wrong for yelling slurs and in the wrong for kicking them out. Period. With that said maybe you need to talk with them and tell them their actions are unacceptable. If they don’t like you either so be it, but you’ve gotta stand up for your sister even when she’s not around.
People rarely bake 'a' cookie. I think it is highly likely that she said the same thing to any regular who came in.
Bro you don’t want to ruin her trip? What is wrong with you?
Yea…you are.
She’s not his ex.
Do not upgrade the ring if it was good enough for when you asked her to marry you it's good enough to stay untill at least your silver anniversary also if you REALLLLYYYY wanna see her true colours mention a prenup you are 23 years old trust and believe you have ALOT of time and options if she calls off the wedding let her because she isn't calling it off because your no longer compatable she's calling it off because she can't get her way she is not entitled to your money 50k for a peice of jewelry???
I mean, I know we are only seeing one side of the story but I sense something else is at play here.
Husband wants divorce out of the blue, family likes new partner better, kids like new partner better.
Maybe you just weren't a great person to begin with?
There's a saying, if everywhere I go I smell shit, maybe it's me that stinks of shit
Perhaps you are driving people away without realising.
Or perhaps you do realise and you're looking for people to be on your side so you tell a one sided story.
I don't know, everything could be true here, and maybe they do just like her better who knows.
Oh it will get better. A newborn is one of the most anxiety inducing events, but it gets easier and you’ll be more in tune with what means what. I wish you all the best!
“Most places”?
It was an accident and no one’s fault, these things just happen. Your girlfriend however needs to now realise that her “pet” kills small animals and keep it away from them and small children. No need to be nasty to you, you did the right thing. Some dogs retain prey drive from years gone by and see kittens as prey animals.
Seems like you're trusting this coworker a whole lot…
Convince her to go anyway because this sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity for you two
Telling someone to calm down is actually invalidating which can make things worse. Google six levels of validation and emotional support skills. Discuss those with her and ask her if that might help. And people often don’t want to be touched when they’re upset. So if all she’s doing is telling you to not touch her, that’s not lashing out at you. What is she doing that you think is mean?
Okay
But if he can hire someone to Analyse his child DNA without consequences because thinks his wife cheatet amd he want to find out if she cheated, she should also be allowed to hire someone to find out if he cheated. Same for both parties.
She claims she was in a really bad place mentally and hated herself
lmao like a clockwork
ah ok so you’re a troll
Make time, and communicate with her. Let her know that she isn’t doing her part instead of being defensive with someone (non professional) offering help on reddit. I’m not the problem, infidelity and miscommunication are Focus your energy on that or move on. ?♀️
Like I said best of luck to you!
You ruined the relationship, let him go and stop stalking the girl.
“Never make someone a priority when you’re only an option.”
I don't think you're overreacting, I think it might be time for you to move on.
I'm only hearing one side, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But I don't think he's your “soul mate,” and the way you describe him sounds like he's already checked out of this relationship.
I think you should prepare yourself that this relationship might have run its course, and be grateful for the good times you've had. Then, when you're ready for the outcome, I think you should have an honest talk with him about what you want vs what he wants. If your needs merge nicely, great! If your needs are incompatible, move on and find someone that is better for/to you.
Best of luck!
There's a few things you've yet to notice – like staying at home and being dependant on your spouse means that in the event of something happening to your spouse, you suddenly have no income and your resume and workplace skills is out of date. You're 29, but I suspect there's women only a few years older than you who've had this happen to them.
As for getting off work by saying you're trying to conceive – the work still needs to be done, do you want your coworkers to resent you? Not to mention that they can look up how that works so it's hardly a daily perk. Incidentally, such a “get out of work early” thing would also work for your spouse at his job so it's hardly a “women's world” situation… And it reinforces the idea that women's role is baby production, meaning that promotion is less likely.
Staying at home may sound fun but there's a reason that in the 1950s “mother's little helper” was drugs.
And there's also the factor that your partner signed up for a partnership, not a sugar daddy situation. Imagine if you came home and he'd declared he wanted to online this way. But if you want to avoid having to wear a wedding dress, go for it.
Time to goto court. The argument of “think how many women have had to do the same” is garbage and reeks of “misery loves company” go find yourself some lawyer advice and see what you can do
There is a lot of value in speaking the truth.
“I need to be clear about your health and appearance. It is affecting my ability to love you. I’m willing to stick this out if I see improvement, but if you won’t fight for yourself, I’m not going to fight for you”.
Then let him make his own decisions. You’re not shallow. He stopped trying and his appearance is just the most noticeable casualty.
I hope she comes back with an update.
That’s the thing. I’m ok with him asking, I encourage him actually, its part of good communication, communicating your needs. But I feel like if I’m not feeling it I can decline and his response is “well then I’ll just won’t ever ask if you’re just going to refuse me” which I feel is kind of manipulative cause I never said I would NEVER do it, just if I’m not feeling it. I think is so wrong for him to say.
Wow. You should have serious conversation with her. Ask her to not interrupt and her you out, lay everything you feel. A marriage is supposed to a partnership, what you described is not that, sound like you’re married to a glorified teenager
Sounds like a smart move to me. He was there in case he needed to directly intervene, but also didn't unnecessarily put anyone at risk. Suppose he'd confronted the dude, and the dude pulled out a knife or a gun and killed him on the spot? Would you have felt “protected” then?
This poor cat deserves someone who is better than the both of you. Monsters.
I was about to tell you that you’re overreacting about his answer; if my ex husband didn’t cheat, I would probably still be with him as well. But… him bringing her up constantly, that would bother me and is a huge red flag. I’m sorry Op. good luck.
Check if they have revenge porn laws just in case
It does matter because of intimacy. If you've been doing it since 15, you could very well be addicted. Try not doing it, if you can't you have a problem. How does a stranger that says the same shit to anybody and everybody make you feel special and not just another faceless, useless thrill that could be a disgusting, gross, smelly jerk, a lil kid for Christ's sake, you don't know. I get why it's sexually exciting, but women use their minds for arousal. They will use your body but once they don't feel an emotional attraction, she don't get it back and she will leave you for somebody that does, I'm just saying. I don't know, i do completely get what you're saying, but you have to realize she probably feels it's a level of intimacy that lovers share. That also takes away anything special or intimate between y'all and she's just a body to fuck when words and your hands don't do. It makes her not feel special and replaceable. You need her body, you got strangers to make you feel good & important like you're the only one in the world, at least to you in your head, what's her purpose in your life? These are common thought patterns of many, not just women.
Thanks you, I’ll check it out. And I know neither is likely to change at this point
Did Mr. Myagi post this?
Ask her why she is so desperate for attention of some coworker who says that he loves her! If people who I work with would cross so many professional boundaries I would question their whole character. It normally would at least make things awkward…probably even make HR take action.
So ugly girls are worth less than computers. Interesting take.
I don’t know if I’d consider it cheating, but she definitely violated your trust. You going through her phone isn’t good either.
You guys might be able to work this out. Talk about your feelings openly and admit your mistakes. Try not to panic, and don’t make any decisive calls while you’re angry.
That being said, a breakup isn’t the end of the world. You’re both super young.
UpdateMe!
What insecurities? Not trusting a person who has proven they can't be trusted isn't an insecurity, it's common sense
Great but Im wondering why you didn't do this before getting together with the other one? If your sexually compatible and enjoy each other's company it seems counterintuitive to try and chase someone else
Holy shit how disgusting and insecure do you have to be to freak out at your partner for waiting for a friend at the hospital while they’re in surgery…..? Your girlfriend sounds like a good person. You on the other hand….
Nah, divorce is pretty much the only option for a cheater, which is by far the most likely explanation here.
Pretending that she took the lingerie to secretly plan & pay for a fancy boudoir shoot for her husband’s eyes only is next level gaslighting.
Occam’s razor wins this one methinks
If you doubt that you can work through it, stop wasting her time and leave.
This sounds like trauma masking almost. ☹️
First, make sure you are safe. Will you lose access to education and housing if you speak up now? If it's at all a risk wait until you graduate and are independent. Yes you should tell him but keep yourself safe and your future safe first and foremost
Get a lawyer. If she can cheat, she can also change her mind about sharing custody.
Continue to ignore her calls and texts. You heard loud and clear. Don’t blow it off. You’ve moved forward and she chooses to remain in toxicity. You’ve grown apart and the friendship is over.
I make more than my husband and pay more into my household but go off.
And then “All Philly women suck” just becomes “All women suck” – how is that going to help anything? Dude's obviously a 'nice guy' AH
I think if you told her you had a fetish and revealed this it wouldn’t be a big deal.
I’ve found the fantasy is often better than the actual act myself.
Let us know how you get on.
I’m uncomfortable being touched. Say that next time it happens. If it happens even once more, report her.
She Won't do it to her Bt someone else will There is a chance some is already telling him what she thought about his relationship Isn't working and he is agreeing
I wouldn’t marry someone who is basically telling me that he wants to be free to leave me in the dust, and doesn’t want the law requiring him to fairly divide assets or to acknowledge my contributions.
Also what grown person plays games on their parents phone. This can’t be real lol
Lmao!! You’re most definitely trolling
Well I think perhaps you have learned a lesson about oversharing details. You can be at least a little vague and still tell your bf things. “Hey, out of respect for you I feel like I should tell you that Ty once sexually assaulted me.”
If he asked for details after that it's another matter, but you just unloaded on him instead.
Also, I hope your bf is no longer friends with that asshole.
If that's the case, and if you can learn to not unload every gritty detail about things your bf finds uncomfortable you might have a shot, but only if you both are willing to learn better communication habits.
It kinda sounds as if you both have a bit of growing up yet to do. (As do we all, always)
Given people’s propensity to shoot the messenger, I can understand OP’s misgivings about having that conversation. Nobody wants to blow up their friend’s life.
Talk to a doctor, maybe look into therapy
This is why you talk about stuff instead of moving in after a week and getting married within a year. You don’t really know your wife and you are just getting to know her now.
Was your first child planned? You seem very negative about having kids for someone who had a child.
This isn’t far off at all. I’m politically fairly solidly left of center, but my own lifestyle is remarkably conservative because I grew up in a small town. That culture affects how you behave for your whole life.
His friends are uninformed. One single test does not define IQ.. actual, credible, IQ tests are given by trained psychologists and are actually a series of tests that take 1-2 days to complete.
Your BFs friends also sound like they define their worth by their test results, which is an extremely immature take. IMO, not a crew that any emotionally intelligent person would want to spend time with.
You could leave her little notes around the house. Sweet, funny, quirky notes that make her smile or laugh. Maybe fill a jar with them so she can read one when she needs a pick me up and you are not there at that moment. It's something small but I think it goes a long way to show her that you love her and value her. And the most important thing you can do is beat cancer and have a long life that you two can online together.
Well the bf has literally self sabotaged at every job and has lots of excuses on why. With his record, doubt if he even gets through the training
After she hooked up with …. 8 …. Of your friends, why did you feel the need to get into a committed relationship with her? That’s wild man.
Listen, from experience, your friends aren’t going to let up, especially at your age. If you want this to work, you need new friends.
However, my advice, keep the friends and ditch the girl. She was making her way through the friend group and settled on you. This won’t end well
you must be from western society to so dont understand the societal values and beliefs of asian society. Unlike western society asian parents and children have a stronger bond. Parents takes care of children when they are young and children looks after when they get old not like 16 years and u move-out and meet your parents once or twice a year.